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AIBU

Baby sitting

(158 Posts)
MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 11:00:06

Well, child sitting, seeing as my grandson is 11.
My neighbour/friend agreed that she would help out if I needed to work and wouldn't be home, which happened yesterday.

I worked until 10.
I came home to find grandson had put himself to bed (and was lying awake) and my neighbour had bought him down a microwave burger at dinner time.

She was sitting upstairs in her flat, and he was in mine, on his own.
I had shifts booked for the next two days, but have cancelled them, as I wouldn't have been home until 11.

I feel like crying...

In defence of my neighbour, she is a funny old stick and a bit eccentric, but I expected a bit more from her.

She knocks at mine several times a day to tell me every detail of everything that is going on with her life and that of her adult children, and I think I am more than patient.
I just feel really let down.
My first shifts and I have had to cancel..

I suppose I just wanted to get it off my chest. sad

PECS Sun 20-Jan-19 12:56:34

MisA in the waiting room at my GP is a poster and some leaflets about a person's rights if they are carers. I have no idea if you would be included as I know the criteria for various benefits are complex..but might be worth exploring..if you have the energy 💐

MissAdventure Sun 20-Jan-19 12:50:57

My daughter is dead, moggie.
I did say further up in the thread.
She was a single parent.

moggie57 Sun 20-Jan-19 12:49:02

where are gs parents?... or are they expecting too much of you... maybe elderly lady didnt understand that she has to sit in your flat while you are out..? maybe she was listening out for him should he yell....maybe a few more rules are needed. and do you pay her/give her some flowers etc..

grannygranby Sun 20-Jan-19 10:46:30

Dear MissAdventure that’s outrageous. Your health apart what about your gs needs for a parent! In his case you. I can’t believe that you are so stuck in this it is impossible.i have heard such dreadful things about the DWP and austerity and universal credit. It makes me so angry.
Social media can help. Write to your councillor.. join a neighbourhood online forum get others on your side. And don’t give up on your upstairs neighbour she might just have read it wrong empower her to be more help. It’s bootstrap time. You can do it. Keep us updated

MissAdventure Sun 20-Jan-19 08:59:54

That wouldn't really help because I wouldn't be home until after 10pm, but I have taken on-board everyone's suggestions, so thank you all again. smile

PECS Sun 20-Jan-19 08:43:41

Has your GS school refused to offer help? I would have thought he may be a child who attracts additional funding (Pupil Premium Grant) to the school if you are in reciept of certain benefits. This funding can be used in a variety of ways. One could be for the school to fund or subsidise a place at an after school club.

NannyEm Sun 20-Jan-19 04:31:31

I feel for you MissAdventure. What a horrible predicament. If the school is so unhelpful is there a Family Support Centre that may be able to at least point you in the right direction or give you advice. So sorry about your daughter for you and your grandson. You must both be grieving.

Brismum Sat 19-Jan-19 11:47:48

Good to hear from you Miss Adventure and hope things improve for you and your grandson now. Sending 💕 and 💐 Take care.

MissAdventure Sat 19-Jan-19 11:37:52

All that happens is I try to comply with what is expected of me, burying all the feelings down, and then when I hit a problem it sends me back down into misery.
I thought I had it cracked.
3 shifts a week, as and when, for an agency, a babysitter on tap who knows my grandson, and the dwp off my back.

Thanks to all for your lovely messages, here and private messages.
It does help so much.

MissAdventure Sat 19-Jan-19 11:30:34

Going to work isn't my choice.
I don't feel up to it, but the dept of work decided in its wisdom that I must.
I failed the medical they sent me on as I wasn't 'rocking' or 'shaking' during the interview, had travelled to the medical on my own, and can get in and out of my bath ok.
None of this is my choice.
They wrote to my doctor asking him to 'support' me by not giving me any more sick certificates.
It isn't my choice at all, but I haven't had the luxury of being able to grieve my daughters death.

grannygranby Sat 19-Jan-19 11:17:10

Yes he’s not just an 8 year old he is a bereaved 8 year old. Be there all you can .. definitely check out NI contributions for you looking after him. Time flies and we don’t get it back. I wish there was a fund to help you I could contribute to. Dinner lady times would be excellent. For a year or two your greatest job is to be a stable presence. Build his trust and dependence on others he has already lost so much. Stand your ground demand your rights as the chief carer and make others work round you and your grandson.

labazsisslowlygoingmad Sat 19-Jan-19 09:24:02

Does your gs father have no input? does he visit him as i know you said the brother is living with him sad to split up brothers esp at this terrible time

PECS Sat 19-Jan-19 08:28:26

If there is a nearby college with a childcare course there may be students who would do some evening/ afterschool care..but it would cost. Does his school have a home- link worker? If so make an appointment and discuss the situation with them .They often have
good contacts & could put you in touch with a person/ organisation that might help out with child care.

Luckylegs9 Sat 19-Jan-19 05:24:57

I am do sorry about the loss if your daughter and think you are in a difficult position. Your grandson must be feeling lovely and upset. His mother dying, his father and brother miles away, I would not want him coming home to an empty flat, I think from a legal point of view , he's too young to be doing that, but he needs TLC not a neighbour who isn't bothered, he is not her responsibility, also not some unknown person who could turn out to be unsuitable, you would have to pay them probably more than you earn, Is there no way you can stop working for awhilenwhen you say you will work as a dinner lady that's very little money . Working for an Agency for a couple of years you could fit in with him as he's the priority. Where I live they are crying out for Carers. I know how difficult it is juggling child care first hand, but his well being comes first as you know.

Toots Sat 19-Jan-19 00:56:17

So very sorry you have lost your daughter....and I feel so sad for that little boy having to go through all that..I can completely understand why you don't want him sitting on his own till late evening..some good suggestions on here and I really hope things work out for you both..😊

Bighorse Sat 19-Jan-19 00:56:05

Your gs was fine , you are overreacting

kwest Fri 18-Jan-19 21:01:48

Please consider going to see your doctor and explaining the stress you are under. Surely our benefits system was created for situations such as yours? Then perhaps you could speak to C.A.B. and ask for help. They should be able to signpost you to the right agencies to help. It seems outrageous that you should be put under pressure to work when your grandson needs security and stability and you both need time to heal from the death of your daughter. I wish you the very best for you both ,

GrannyGravy13 Fri 18-Jan-19 20:35:29

Miss A spoke to some Mums and Grans “my side” they all said after school clubs, but no suggestions for up to 10pm other than maybe approaching our big sixth form college (hope you can guess the one I mean if not pm me) it has a nursery nurse/childcare course and maybe could help.

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Fri 18-Jan-19 20:32:25

Look on the childcare.costs. UK website they have lists of childminders and babysitters. Some registered childminders will do babysitting and are great with kids of all ages. Also there are local fb and your local "next door" sites which I find in my area realky useful Hope you manage to sort something.

Jalima1108 Fri 18-Jan-19 20:30:05

I do know that we can be more anxious about our grandchildren than our children; it is that sense of responsibility.

However, I don't think that it does them any good to be too nervous about 'what could happen' although I think they do need to be made aware.

Jalima1108 Fri 18-Jan-19 20:27:46

there are lots of strange folk walking around
Oh dear, sorry crazyh.
Sorry, living in a country district may lull me into a sense of security.

Iam64 Fri 18-Jan-19 20:03:07

Miss A when mine were 11 and 13 they (understandably ) didn't want to go to their child minder or to after school/school holiday clubs. I asked our church youth group if they could recommend a sitter. we met a 17 - 18 year old who was doing A level at the school ours went to. She started by coming in the evening if we were working late, and it progressed to her spending the six week holidays with our girls. She's no in her 40's, our girls are in their 30's and they're all firm friends. A very lucky outcome.
Could you do something similar?

Lumarei Fri 18-Jan-19 19:59:40

MissA. Could any of us help you? I am in Berkshire and would be happy to help and watch your grandson if within 45 min drive.

GabriellaG54 Fri 18-Jan-19 18:35:05

crazyH
If you don't like leaving your GD why don't you take her to the shop with you on the way home from school or shop earlier in the day? hmm

GabriellaG54 Fri 18-Jan-19 18:31:17

On decond thoughts, I'd just be a bit wary of teens or students unless you feel totally confident about their behaviour.
It's possible some may post about their 'sitting' for you, on Facebook or Twitter and/or invite a friend, male or female when your GS goes to bed.
I'm sure you're a very savvy lady but do take every precaution. Nice people sometimes do mad or bad stuff.