To think this is rude

Reminds me of someone I used to know who would let on they knew something I didn't but tell me it was a secret. I recently had some advance information before an announcement, didn't tell a soul, no one knew I knew and I have since avoided answering the question when I was asked. if I had known. Only polite.

Very thoughtless of your friend Oldwoman , and I would have felt a little comfortable, but was it done in a deliberately calculated way in order to exclude you, or were you just miffed?

uncomfortable

If it feels rude, it is rude.

How come it's too far for her to travel to yours but perfectly acceptable to expect you to travel to hers? Same difference by my calculation. Not only is this friend extremely rude but she's also very unreasonable, unkind and stupid. Don't put up with this any longer. You were right to say you're too busy and if I were you I'd be "busy" for a very longer time to come!

This "friend" is not only rude and unobliging, she's very silly really, to have private jokes and ignore you. I'm afraid I couldn't be bothered with anyone like that. She won't even travel to meet you halfway? Selfish.

Only you can decide if the friendship is worth going on with.
If you like her, give it another go, it may not occurr again.

It was really rude of them to say it was a private joke and then carry on with it to the exclusion of you. It must have been so uncomfortable for you

I agree with Nonnie

"in jokes" need to be explained to those not "in" on it or else dropped!

I am not sure I agree that something rude if someone feels it is rude! Sime people can be super sensitive!

She sounds quite selfish and in any relationship or friendship it should be equal, a 2 way thing. I would be inclined to say it’s her time to visit you and if she says it’s too far, point out it’s the same for you and ask why she feels it’s different for you. At the very least she should meet you half way. Ultimately what difference would it make to your life without her in it ?

Very rude and thoughtless- if it happened again I think I would say they appear to not want her there and that you will see ‘friend’ when she has more time

I often wish I could be as assertive as some of the posters on here, but sadly lack the courage. I agree with them all, of course, that your friend was being rude and plenty of people would rightly have walked out, or said something there and then (and if that were me I would probably have dissolved into tears despite knowing that I was in the right).

I could probably manage something like "If its okay with you I'd rather come on day when its just the two of us so we can have a proper natter".

I definitely don't agree that friendship should be equal cos that's impossible to define or measure. My best friend needs a lot of physical help from her friends but is the best at listening and giving supportive advice. Good luck and try not to cut your friend off - just be a bit thicker-skinned!

I had a similar situation a few years back when I invited two couples round who knew each other better than I knew them.

The result was that they spent all evening talking to each other rather than me. They talked about teachers at the school where their children went, people they knew who I didn't know and so it went on.

Whilst I don't think they intended to be rude I felt like a "facilitator" and never invited them again.

On other occasions when I have been invited and someone they know very well or a relation drops in by surprise and takes over the conversation I have left straight away to make a point.

Mixing friendship groups is always hard work. You have different shared experiences.
Try meeting somewhere in the middle?

She needs a few lessons in manners. She’s not a good friend, so you don’t need her. She is obviously more in tune with her cousin, so you should say that as she has her cousin to joke with, you are not visiting any more.

After a 30 year gap they won't have much to reminisce about. They will though have a lot to "fill in" with one another. You are right, just give them space to get reacquainted telling your friend that is why you are not visiting for a while. If she is really interested in you she will hopefully realise you too have to be included and able to contribute to conversations.

Yes it is rude and in a subtle way putting you down maybe deliberately.
You need to leave them alone for a while and keep away.
Maybe she will realise why.

You could ask if the cousin is going to be there and if she is say you think it is better if they catch up on their own as you have nothing to contribute.

I agree this was very rude and unkind behaviour. To be honest she doesn't sound much of a friend to me, more of a user. The distance between your houses is the same whichever house you start from, but this way it doesn't cost her anything to get your company. I'd look for a friend in some other place. Join a new club or course that involves your own interests and make new friends.

Ill mannered

We used to take foreign students and I remember a mother and her 11 year old son lapsing into their own language, Polish. at the dinner table. When I told them to speak English the boy asked "Why?" I said "Because you may be being rude about us and we don't know." They both looked shocked and the boy said "No, we would never do that!" They always spoke English at the table after that.
Sometimes people don't know they are being rude and need it pointed out to them.

If you don't fancy a confrontation and also don't really want to stop seeing your friend, just load a kindle book onto your mobile phone, or take a magazine, and when they start up with one of their private jokes, get out your reading material. If they show an interest in your behaviour explain calmly that it can get a little boring when they're talking about something you don't understand. Otherwise, join in again when the subject has swung back to something you can enjoy. I am afraid friends rarely come without faults and irritating habits.

I'd ask if her cousin was going to be there and then tell her that their behaviour made you uncomfortable last time and that you won't put up with it again. We've been around too long to put up with uncomfortable situations and not say anything! Stand up for yourself - they are in the wrong and if she wants your company she needs to behave better.

Years ago I used to meet lady friends & neighbours, several of whom worked for the same large supermarket. They shared a lot of in jokes and chatted at length about various work colleagues. I felt left out (and more than a little bored to be honest!). I just sat there with a polite smile.
Then one day I was brave and when a get together was arranged I said I’d come if they didn’t all sit there talking about * all the time. They were horrified and apologised and it never happened again. Some people have little self awareness.