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(21 Posts)
Lyndiloo Thu 07-Feb-19 03:03:59

My husband's hearing has been getting worse and worse over the past few years. He now has two hearing aids. Should be great! Except that he will not use them! I have to repeat everything I say to him at least twice - sometimes more. And end up shouting! He objects to my shouting, saying I'm being aggressive - which I'm not! (But you can't shout in a kind and gentle manner!)
Keep repeating and repeating myself every day - all day. This is driving me nuts!
The TV is turned up so loud, that it's almost unbearable (for me).
I'm thinking of telling him that I will say something just once, and if he doesn't hear me, that's tough - I won't repeat it.
Am I being cruel? grin

NannyJan53 Thu 07-Feb-19 06:49:05

Some people just don't seem to acknowledge they have a problem with their hearing and bury their heads in the sand.

I don't think you are being cruel, and hopefully a day or two of not repeating yourself may make him to realise he is being unreasonable.

I have worn hearing aids in both ears for over 15 years, and I could not function without them. It is nothing to be ashamed of to admit your hearing is going.

crystaltipps Thu 07-Feb-19 07:44:53

This could have been me writing this a few months ago. My OH claimed his hearing aids whistled, made everything louder but unintelligible, so he didn’t wear them . I saw a an ad for people to take part in a NHS clinical trial of smart hearing aids. I got him to sign up because to buy them privately would cost ££££ and he was convinced they wouldn’t work. They work in combination with an app on a smartphone so you can easily adjust the settings to different situations ( noisy restaurant/ cinema/ home etc) although the hearing aid does learn the settings ( don’t ask me how). The first day he had them he was overwhelmed. He could hear birdsong for the first time. I no longer have to repeat myself every sentence. I now have to turn the tv up he has it on so low! There not available on the nhs yet, the trial is still ongoing, but my OH say he would definitely buy them, and when the trial is up, if not renewed, he would buy them immediately.

Grammaretto Thu 07-Feb-19 07:45:40

I feel for you. Perhaps you could write down what you want to say and hand it to him saying you don't want to shout.
Some hearing aids are poor so it might be worth spending time and money to find ones which work .
I'm ashamed to say I find a friend exasperating because like your DH she has to be yelled at to hear and often what was a throwaway remark doesn't want to be shouted across the room.

Anja Thu 07-Feb-19 07:46:18

Tell me about it! I have one the same.

sodapop Thu 07-Feb-19 08:19:13

It's strange isn't it how people will happily wear glasses if their sight is impaired but hearing aids seem to be a sign of weakness. Maybe as crystaltipps said the hearing aids are not the most suitable. There are several different ones on the market now so it's worth shopping around.
In the meantime you have to lay it on the line and tell your husband how much this is affecting you.

Geryfelin Thu 07-Feb-19 08:55:44

My DDad had headphones for the TV, so he could choose his volume and the others in the room could have it lower. It worked well, we had to manage the technology for him, but that was no problem. He was living with us so we needed a solution. I certainly sympathise with OP’S situation.

Luckygirl Thu 07-Feb-19 09:00:04

I just don't get this. It seems selfish to me to make others have to shout or be deafened (!) by loud TV etc., I wore my aids all day from the first moment they were given to me. It felt a bit weird for a couple of days and since then they have been fine.

If it were my OH I would send him to Coventry till he came to his senses!!

notoveryet Thu 07-Feb-19 09:00:30

My DH hasn't even got so far as getting hearing aids. Apparently it's everyone else's fault that he can't hear properly. We mumble, have too much background noise, speak away from him, have the television too low etc.

B9exchange Thu 07-Feb-19 09:21:09

You have my sympathy, I am afraid hearing loss and acceptance of it is a kind of pathway, initial denial, blaming people for muttering, turning up the TV, then avoiding noisy places and so on. Only after going through all this and some years of being advised to get a hearing aid by all and sundry will the person eventually take a hearing test. It is strange, we all wear glasses, though some of us leave them off on occasions for the sake of vanity, but hearing aids are seen as a sign of becoming an old duffer. They are becoming much less visible. Even when they do accept aids, it takes a while getting used to them.

What does irritate me is that DH tends to wear them when out and about or the grandchildren are coming round, but if it is just me in the house, he 'forgets' or find reasons not to put them in 'I am going to have a shower' I've had a shower, my ears are wet' etc.

I don't think I will be very different, I had my hearing checked and have very mild hearing loss in one ear, the other is normal. Not enough for aids to benefit me, but I have now started finding it difficult to hear conversations in really noisy restaurants. And I dread the thought of hearing aids, vanity again! smile

silverlining48 Thu 07-Feb-19 09:45:44

We await delivery and installation tomorrow of various aids and adaptions to make life easier for my husband. This is from a charity which will provide the items on long term loan to help with hearing the doorbell, phone and tv). Can report back over the weekend once it’s all fitted. Am hoping it will make a difference.

Nonnie Thu 07-Feb-19 10:39:59

As others have said DH thinks it is everyone else's fault! Yes, he has the aids but will only put them on when I turn the TV down.

Everyone over the age of 55 is entitled to a free test and, if they need aids, they are free. The trouble is that you need to wear them continually to get used to them which DH refuses to do. It was many years after getting varifocals that he started to wear them all the time with the result that he finally learned he didn't have to keep moving his head up and down to see things!

I wear mine all the time and I have short hair so if anyone looks they can see them. I don't care, it is no different to wearing my glasses.

FountainPen Thu 07-Feb-19 11:06:03

There may be reasons why he won't wear his aids. This website lists some of the reasons and points out the affect that not wearing them may have on others.

There may be other reasons. A friend's husband is reluctant to wear his because he says they amplify sounds he doesn't want to hear as well as those he would like to. He means ambient sound. The everyday noise that we ordinarily filter out becomes very intrusive.

Have others who do use their aids experienced this and, as the brain adjusts, (see Lack of Commitment in the linked page) is the wearer able to filter out unwanted sound?

Izabella Thu 07-Feb-19 11:30:15

If sounds are 'wrong' and unwanted ones amplified, then whoever provided them should be able to adjust them. When that is done it is a case of wearing them every day until the brain adjusts. There are also quite adequate systems for listening to the tv with hearing aids too. Its a no brainer actually and at the end of the day shows RESPECT for other family members.

For those stuggling with those who will not wear them show them this thread.

And yes I do understand. It took around 3 tweakings for mine to be right for background noise.

crystaltipps Thu 07-Feb-19 11:43:24

The new smart hearing aids filter out the unwanted background noise. Check out ones made by Siemens or Optikon.

Izabella Thu 07-Feb-19 11:50:58

Same as mine crystal. NHS ones.

Billybob4491 Thu 07-Feb-19 11:57:39

My husband wears Sony headphones for the TV so I don't need to be deafened.

EllanVannin Thu 07-Feb-19 13:52:09

I was going to suggest headphones for the TV but you've beaten me to it Billybob.

PS, I'd be calling him all kinds of names ! smile All the time !!

MissAdventure Thu 07-Feb-19 16:03:33

Its your brain that filters out unwanted sounds, but it has to get used to hearing them before discarding them.
My trousers still rustle.

Lyndiloo Fri 08-Feb-19 02:12:55

EllanVannin I do call him names - all of the time! All I have to do is just turn my head away from him and let rip!

UPDATE: I tried, today, to say everything just once. (I warned him of this beforehand.) But I couldn't keep it up - I just felt so sorry for him! Grrrr! (I'm such a pushover!)

There's nothing wrong with his hearing aids - they work just fine. And he's proved this by saying that, on the odd occasion when he's worn them, he can hear the TV just fine (at my sound-level - in fact, it's a little too loud for him).

But he just won't put them in!!!

Should I strangle him now? grin

Totaldogsbody Sun 10-Feb-19 03:13:53

Lyndiloo I have sympathy with your OH I'm trying to get used to wearing new aids too and was told at the hospital to persevere with them as the older you get the longer it can take. The problem I'm finding is that even with a low setting when I'm in social situations everything round about me seems so much louder and drowns out the conversation I'm involved in and often gives me a headache as well. Perhaps they need tweeked a little. Sometimes men are more vain than they let on though and the fact that they need hearing aids can make them feel old and/or weak, perhaps he's worried they make him less of a man in your eyes he might just need reassuring that you love him hearing aids and all.