Gransnet forums


Moving on

(12 Posts)
granto3 Sun 17-Mar-19 12:17:24

To cut a long story short, I was widowed very suddenly 18 months ago. He was the love of my life, my soulmate and my best friend. We met 12 years ago through "Internet dating" and ended up getting married after a year of sharing time between our respective homes then eventually he came to live with me. No point in messing about at our age!!
I now find myself at the stage and age (62) that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and crave male companionship. I have tentatively looked on some mature dating sites and someone has made an initial contact with me. We have briefly chatted but we are limited to how many messages we can send without having to pay for subscription. He has now asked me for my phone number but I am being very cautious about it all.
To be honest, I really don't know how I will feel speaking or even meeting another man. He does seem quite nice, and yes, he is a real person. (I checked him out to make sure he was not a scammer). Am I being disloyal to my late husband seeking out someone else? I have family around (not my children's father) but they are all so busy with their own children and work that they tend to forget that I sit at home night after night on my own.
I just want to have what I had before...... a loving relationship, companionship, someone to come home to after a day at work, someone to talk to, give me a cuddle when I am down, someone to love me. You get the gist of what I am saying?

Is this wrong of me to want someone to love me again and me to love them after what some may consider a short time of grieving?

Esmerelda Sun 17-Mar-19 12:30:59

Good heavens no, it is not wrong of you if that is what you want. I'm on my own too, but I am very happy that way whereas you need the love and company of a relationship and, it seems, hate to be alone. That is not being disloyal that is just taking care of yourself, as I'm sure your late husband would want for you.
However, I would be careful about giving your phone number ... can you perhaps give him an email address (maybe create a new and separate one to your main email using either hotmail or gmail or some such) rather than a phone number? And, if you do decide to meet up with him I would advise that you make it a very public place in the day time. Maybe you could suggest a coffee and a walk amongst others.

Grammaretto Sun 17-Mar-19 13:03:08

Agree with the above advice but I hope you meet up and start dating again. Why not!

mcem Sun 17-Mar-19 13:39:06

Why not just pay the subscription for a month or so?
You'd be no more involved than you are now and it would give you time to think about what you really want.

Cosmos Sun 17-Mar-19 13:39:20

I too was widowed younger than you, but do not want anyone else, my husband was everything to me and I would never meet anyone like him again. I do get lonely but know it passes. I know lots of people that do remarry, not one has said it was as good as being with their previous husband, but better than being alone.

fairisle Sun 17-Mar-19 14:04:25

I agree with Mcem.I am on my own,i had a very abusive marriage which thankfully ended in 1991,i have been alone since then,i couldn`t face another relationship.

EllanVannin Sun 17-Mar-19 14:12:17

I'm the same as you Cosmos. I was widowed at 54 in 1994, a couple of dinner dates over the years but never felt comfortable and realised that it wasn't for me.
If the truth be known I was looking for something I'd never find so have just been happy with the memories and my family.
I've been too long on my own to bother about another person in my life and after having nursed my late husband for nearly 6 years I'm not prepared to nurse another ! I'm here for my family now.

SisterAct Sun 17-Mar-19 16:30:00

Totally agree with Esmeralda and Grameretto. Initially you are looking for male companionship and there is nothing wrong with that. As Esmeralda says setting up an email is sensible and tell someone you trust where you are going to meet. Good luck. 💐

FountainPen Sun 17-Mar-19 17:16:51

You have been through the internet dating scene before but a lot has changed in twelve years and you do need to take care.

Ask for his number and call him so that you can conceal your own. Explain why you want to do it this way. A decent man will understand why a woman needs to be careful.

Someone can seem very nice in those inital email exchanges but very different when you speak to them and you may not wish to take things any further. They don't always take no for an answer so make sure you have given nothing away that enables them to find you. Voice of expereince.

It's fine for you to want some male company again but don't be rushed into anything you don't feel comfortable with.

granto3 Sun 17-Mar-19 19:48:59

Thank you all for your advice. I had already set up a separate e mail account specifically for that. He has given me his "landline" number, so I may do as FountainPen suggests. I am being extremely cautious in what I do and I have told a close friend who will call me after 30 minutes to check that everything is ok if I decide to meet up with him. I am still unsure whether I am treading the right path or not, but only time will tell. There are a lot of good men out there looking for love, I just need to find him!

Anniebach Sun 17-Mar-19 21:57:07

Please don’t expect to find what you say you need, you may, you may not, you seem vulnerable, take care

BradfordLass72 Sun 17-Mar-19 22:11:28

I wonder if, in addition to meeting Internet prospects, you could join real life clubs as well? Do you have local organisations?

Although I too was widowed, I never wanted anyone else but I did date eventually, for a little companionship on the clear understanding that the gentlemen knew it would only ever be that, nothing permanent.

I found that clubs and societies not only gave me an interest for myself, but allowed me to judge better, face to face, who was on the level.
I wish you well flowers