why don’t they get it?

Is it your DH who gets 7 weekends off a year or stepson? He, step son should be stepping up and doing FAR more! They are, after all, HIS children not yours!! We look after our 4 year old DGS once a week for a day and that's tiring enough! You need to sit down and have a proper talk with your step son, or perhaps his father should, and make him see how it's affecting you both. You are NOT free childcare and not to be used in the points scoring that clearly is going on if he wants to have access to his children but then does nothing with them!

Oh gosh, I feel for you. You really need to sit down with your stepson and speak with him about him how shattered you are and you need to have his input in childcare. You may be surprised at his reaction. He may not even have noticed your weariness as you sound like you are a fabulously capable woman. Please speak up for yourself and don’t let this become a festering boil that might explode one day. Good luck

Hi, I understand where you are coming from, we have been in a situation very similar. It's not easy where children are involved. Now things have changed and things will get better. Our son used to leave it all to me too. We had to have the talk, your child your responsibility and it wasn't easy, especially as you love your grandchildren so much. Hope it gets sorted. Xx

Sorry, posted before reading later comments/replies.
I heartily agree with others who applaud you for giving those children some much needed stability, however, it is obviously having a detrimental effect on all aspects of your life.
I'm glad that you've taken positive steps to remedy the living arrangements and hope that everything runs smoothly when that kicks in in June ?
Meanwhile, we're here for you, anytime, day or night (some GNers are owls, some larks ?)
BTW, I do wonder why your stepson only works one day a fortnight.
Is he paying his way with you -perhaps he has some form of income. I think he's being cheeky if you not only look after his children, but buy their and his food/do washing etc.
You'll be better off in all ways without him there.
Take care and please...don't let your brothers make you feel guilty about saying a firm 'No'.
Sending best wishes to you

You are amazing, a true heroine among grandmothers and step-grandmothers.
Your greatest resource is your health and your sanity.
You are clearly doing too much. Would it be possible to arrange to take some time out when your husband has days off? This would give you some quality time together. Could you arrange some small trips away? They don't have o be expensive? There would probably be some financial sacrifice in changing your work patterns, through no fault of your own but perhaps you need someone to give you permission(without realizing it) to be kind to yourself and to value yourself. You really are worth it.

You are giving care and love to the children, which I know from experience they will remember (not all the little things) but the feeling of being loved and cared for. It must be really hard, especially with the 2 year old. If u can hang in there for the children and maybe ask any friends/other relatives if they can pop in on the weekends that you have the children for a bit of playing time with them just for an hour or so. My thoughts go out to you as it is very hard work. Just leave all your housework/washing etc. For When they are Not with you.
(Flowers)

Your step son only works one day a week or fortnight - and that's when his children come to you / him . Surely that should have been considered when the children's visiting times were organised ? I'd go back and work out times when he would actually be home.

Is it your husband or your stepson who works shifts?

I can't understand why your son works only one day a week / fortnight and the arrangements are made so the children are there when he isn't ?
He needs to get a different job as well as move out! Or he needs to make arrangements to have the children at other times, such as after school when he will be there - they are his responsibility, not yours!
If he makes a fuss about having them, I'd guess that it's more to do with getting back at the mother than actually wanting to spend time with them

I applaud you Mumma66. Their mother is lucky that you care so much that she gets every other weekend childfree. But it's your stepson who should be stepping up to his responsibilities and not you bearing the brunt of it all. I think it is good idea that you cut down to just one day every other weekend instead of wearing yourself out. I think SS should be made aware of your stepsons lack of involvement so that they can work with him on that and maybe have an afternoon a week at a contact centre or SS supervised contact. I feel for you because I know how hard it is to be pulled in different directions by the different generations. I really hope you get your home back to yourselves soon.

Talk to husband first, as I assume stepson is his son. Stepson has to pull his weight round the house during the week, and then he has to let you all know what he is doing with his children over the weekend. I know of several adult children who are parents, back living with their own parents, who don't understand their parents are being put under pressure.

If that doesn't work, go away for the weekend. Often.

....With them typo.

Working one day a week/fortnight isn’t going to pay the rent, suggest you contact SS to discuss. It’s unfair to expect to you to supervise contact for so long in your own and as another poster says they must make decisions about helping the father make a better relationship with the, father if he wants to. You can still remain involved but to a lesser extent.Well done for what you are doing but it is clearly too much.

I have no concrete advice except to encourage your step-son to try and find more work which may possibly increase his self-worth.

He really needs to know how exhausting looking after three children can be. Can you try to take a back-role when the children are with you, so he experiences a whole day of child-care and can understand how hard it is and how tired you feel?

I think others have summed it up, your step-son does need to grow up - but none of this helps you!

Do you feel able to perhaps print off or show these messages to your step-son? Shows you are not alone in your thoughts as we are all of one accord.

Apegirl is also correct, you have to tread a fine path.

Sending a virtual hug.

I hope you don’t let your ex DIL know how you feel as she may stop you seeing your grandchildren (many post to this effect on GN).

You have given your stepson a deadline to move out but what happens if he doesn't? Is he actually doing anything to find his own place at the moment? Have you spoken to him about taking more responsibility with his children or has it all just become the norm? It sounds as if he has a lot of growing up to do. Maybe a serious conversation with his father is called for. If you change nothing, nothing will change.

Just wanted to give you a standing ovation - how wonderful that you alone seem to know and appreciate children need stability, love and continuity.

I do hope this gets sorted out before you both collapse from exhaustion. You are SO brave

This is a difficult situation for you, as you clearly love your grandchildren and are helping to replace the dire parenting of their father. This is conflicting with the care you and your siblings give your father, and adding to your exhaustion.
Social Services are clearly concerned with your stepson's lack of parenting skills by insisting on supervised contact, but have off loaded the responsibility on to you; I feel the contact has been put in place so that the children may develop a relationship with him and he has no desire to do this. Contact SS and insist that they take some part in the supervised contact and that they work with him on his relationship with the children.
Do you have a relationship with the children's mother? It would be good to develop this as I think that the father may not be on the scene as far as the children are concerned for much longer. Would it be possible for you to have the children singly occasionally? Three young children for a whole weekend is very hard work, but having them singly would give her some respite and be more fun for you.

That's a good phrase Petra, I will remember it too!

What Flexiblefriend said!! No messing.

Petra you are entirely right - something I need to remember - thank you

The old adage comes to mind: don't rescue to the point where you have to be rescued.

"or" my own .. Not of ..

I find myself feeling impatient and frustrated in situations that involve the giving of my time, energy, finances, forfeiting privacy, so on... and doing so full well knowing that I'm being taken advantage of- Surely expectation is at the core of my disappointment at such times- Learning to keep my mouth shut, my hands in my lap and thinking about things first instead of so eagerly volunteering has helped - Helped me as well others by not reinforcing unhealthy habits, be it their habits of my own -

Thank you for your replies, it has given me some much-needed perspective. You’re right in that we can’t keep this up for the foreseeable and my annoyance at my brother is misplaced. There is an end in sight in that we have told my Stepson he has got to find alternative living arrangements by the 1st June. Knowing him he won’t believe we will stick to it, but we have to, we’re both shattered. We have decided after that we’ll have the children regularly but from Friday tea time to Saturday tea time. That’s the plan anyway ?