To think DD's oncologist was insensitive?

I am so sorry you had a bad consultant. Thankfully all the people involved in my husband’s treatment have been amazing. Get in touch with the Macmillan nurses and your local Macmillan team,they have been incredibly helpful to us.

How absolutely terrible to see your daughter treated like this. I am so VERY sorry. Sending you all much love and lots of hugs. Xxxx

Merlot, I didn’t know about your daughter’s illness and have only just found this thread. I am so very sorry that you and your family are in this difficult situation, which has only been made worse by the total lack of sensitivity shown by your daughter’s consultant. I can’t give any advice, I can only send my sympathy.
I do hope your daughter finds the team far more kind and sensitive when she next attends the hospital.
Thinking of you and your family

merlot I would suggest that your DD requests a change of consultant because that was totally unacceptable.

How to impart bad news was never part of their medical training but she should have had some thought of what she was telling your daughter and showed some compassion if she is familiar with that word. She should not have been sitting at the other end of the room.

I agree write to PALS daughter not well enough to do it

I would send a letter of complaint and report the insensitive so and so these consultants are not God. I wud not let this go no way. If u write and complain they have to respond and he will b in trouble. I know because I have had to do it. I know u r all in a bad place at the moment but try and do it if nothing else he might treat the next person with care and respect. Sending big hugs to u xx

I am sorry you have to face such a difficult challenge as a family. I would say, based on my own hospital experience, you can't count on the NHS for emotional support or ant real assistance on dealing with the psychological impact of an illness. It may happen, as your daughter experienced previously, but it's not a "given". If you are willing, there are other options for the kind of support your family needs.

I am horrified at the insensitivity shown by the oncologist. You would hope that as they deal with frightened and sick people all the time, they would have developed a better sense of dealing with them. You must all be in such shock.

I would agree with the other posters who have said to make a complaint. It won't help with your dreadful experience, but it might prevent someone else from being subjected to it.

I hope you can continue to be positive and encouraging, as you have been up until now.

How awful when you’re both in such a vulnerable state. Most doctors are lovely. Some are arrogant egotists. I’m sorry you came across the latter. I would put in a complaint when you feel up to it. All best wishes to you and your family.

Dreadful. Focus on the HPB nurses, have you a Maggie’s Centre nearby? Your local Macmillan Cancer
Support team could provide psychological support for you all - you can self-refer.

I wish you all well

As a retired veterinary surgeon - if an employee of mine had dealt with the owner ( and/or their family/friends ) of a patient of my practice in such a callous and insensitive manner, and such behaviour came to my notice, they would receive the bollocking of their life, be handed a written warning, and if there was a repeat of such behaviour be looking for a new job with no further notice.
As NHS patients we have been paying these clinicians' salaries since the day we received our first pay cheque. Your DD has prepaid her diagnosis and treatment her entire working life. Someone needs to remind him or her that clinical excellence is no excuse for bad manners and an uncaring attitude.
Write to the GP who referred you, they will definitely be grateful for your feedback, the head of the oncology dept., the hospital manager, the head honcho of the clinical commissioning group and your m.p. and anyone else you can think of - the local press love a story like this.
Make a fuss - I have done so on a couple of occasions, you invariably get positive results.
Finally, anybody managing any business - and a hospital is a business too - needs to know if someone is letting the side down - and will usually take appropriate steps to remedy the situation.

They need to be told! This is unacceptable in any walk of life. Patient care , particularly in these circumstances is paramount. Grrrrrrr

I am so sorry that you and your poor daughter are having to deal with this kind of insensitive doctor.

I don't suppose you can deal with any more than you are having to right now, so that neither you nor your daughter could contemplate complaining about this crass oncologist.

Perhaps you could keep a short diary, writing down as you have done here, exactly what was said and how, so that later if you or indeed your daughter feel up to complaining you have a record of what actually occurred.

Much the same thing happened to my sister, who was suffering from brain cancer. A young surgeon told her bluntly that she had at the most two years to live. He hadn't bothered to ask in advance whether she wanted to know the prognosis or not. She didn't, I may say; and it took a long time for her to see that while there is life there is hope.

Is there any chance that your daughter could see another consultant next time? If not, please do encourage her to speak to the nurses and technicians giving the chemo. IMO they are often much more aware of the emotional chaos the patient is dealing with and very much more encouraging.

I hope that the doctor's prognosis will be proved wrong - they are after all human, although it is difficult to believe your daughter's oncologist is actually human, and being human - fallible.

Do please let off steam here, whenever you need, or discuss the fears you obviously don't want to talk to your daughter about, unless she herself brings them up.

My deepest sympathy for all you both are going through.

How dreadful - I would definitely put in a for,al complaint. Nobody should ever be treated like that. So sorry you are going through this and that your unpleasant experience has made it all the more difficult to cope with. Sending much love, kind thoughts and healing wishes.

I am so sorry to hear what has happened but somehow not surprised. My mother has exactly the same, a rare cancer in the gall bladder. After all the tests she went into a room with her consultant and us her family, and was simply told what it was and that there was no treatment they could do. That was was it and we were all in shock. Myself and a sister have both had our gall bladders removed because o problems we were having which makes us feel a bit safer. But I still think about how we were told and the shock. Good luck with it all, at least she is having chemo and that could well help.

I am so sorry that you and your DD had this dreadful experience. The oncology service will have a social worker of a psychologist or a therapist attached. I suggest you find out what they have and get a session booked. It is important to keep positive during cancer treatment.

Do hope you get some emotional help.

I am so sorry for your worries and treatment received. Please complain to PALS at your hospital! I have worked in complaints, and they need to hear these things so that they don't happen again. The Oncologist needs a bit of Communication training. Sending you much love and healing.

Merlot, I am so sorry you had to endure such appalling insensitivity. Just remember that as long as there is life, there is hope.

A dear friend of ours was given six months. She endured the treatments and that bought her enough time for a newer drug to come out. Five years later, she's still a survivor.

One boorish oncologist doesn't know everything, so don't let his blind stupidity color your outlook. In the meantime, you can write a letter to the hospital and talk to her other doctors about support groups, new research and new treatments. Find out also if there are any promising clinical trials she could be eligible for.

Please know that you are all in my prayers with very special ones for your daughter (((hugs)))

Merlotgran I am so sorry you and your dear daughter received such awful treatment.

Surely part of a doctor's training is tact and being able to cushion news in a way that is honest but sympathetic.

I had to get test results from my GP last week and nothing was clear, but a scan was ordered for me. The trainee GP was a monster! She was really aloof and terse and when I asked about what certain results indicated she was snappy and dismissive - really off-hand. All she saw a pensioner who knew nothing. I was insulted and angry.

Fortunately, on my way in the receptionist handed me a questionnaire regarding "Your GP's performance today" and obviously the training University wanted feedback.

Oh I answered with all cylinders firing! I mentioned she needed to adopt a decent bedside manner, some care for the people she was seeing, if only feigned, and the way she spoke to me was not only dismissive and unhelpful but very bad-mannered.

I do hope your DD has better feedback along the way and is treated by professionals who are helpful and caring. It's a very difficult time for you all and I send you warm wishes and hopes for treatment that helps your dear daughter.

There's the patients charter etc.each hospital has one for feedback from patients and families.

Oh Merlot I am so very sorry Positivity can prolong lives Im sure I can only say as others please make a formal complaint it can’t help you or your daughter but could spare others
It’s brought a tear to my eye as when my Dad got taken into hospital suddenly after being a seeming fit and well 91 year old he was starved for three days each day expecting a endoscopy and each day being taken off the list at the last minute and having nothing to eat until a sandwich (I requested) at the evening visit On the fourth day he was taken for the endoscopy and told there and then with no one with him that he had terminal stomach cancer and there was nothing could be done He was in shock and I believe the shock killed him 3 weeks later that was in March he had paid for all his grandkids and families to come over for a family reunion in June I KNOW he would have hung on for that if he hadn’t had such a shock
I made a formal complaint and got nowhere but I just hope the specialist thought about it a bit more for any successive patients
Complain to PALS as well it’s horrendous

I'm not sure what you are trying to say in your post, 1lizzie2, but this thread is in response to the treatment the first poster and her daughter received at the hands as a somewhat insensitive oncologist.
If you want responses on the pros and cons of our NHS ( which didn't start until 1947, by the way), then you would be better off starting a new thread.

I am in remission from cancer. The insensitivity of one consultant oncology specialist too my breath away and caused great pain. I requested moving to another consultant and that experience was so different. You are NOT over sensitive!

So so sorry to read of your beloved daughters illness, Merlot, so difficult for you too and all the family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope every other medical person she meets on her journey is much kinder

and . Merlotgran and prayers.