Gransnet forums



(9 Posts)
Dockersgirl1955 Thu 04-Apr-19 01:33:14

I in need of advice please my daughter and partner and my precious grandson lived with me until they broke up 11 months the partner moved out my daughter never filed for custody because he was only a sparodic father going weeks at a time coming to visit him or take him to his place for the weekend the paternal grandparents did not see much of this beautiful child either long story short he took my grandson on a visit and never bought him home it's now in the family court my daughter suffers social anxiety which apparently is a form of mental health for which she takes medication on these tabs she's remarkable without them I can hardly get her to go out he's looking like father of the year and mental health is making her look terrible anyway my concern is my little grandson I was with him 24/7 for 3 years and 10 months and having 3 of my own now all adults when he was roughly 2 1/2 I realised something wasn't quite right nothing serious I honestly didn't know what I was worried about but he did certain things mine never did I had been donating to the Autism Association for 10 years not really knowing what Autism is but for our kind gesture I received an address book one day I had to use it and saw the name Autism and wondered what it was I rang the phone number and started talking to the lady and she asked several questions about how my grandson behaved and found to every question I was asked I was ticking the box I honestly think he is only mild but he would receive help going through a mainstream school and his father would receive $12,000 for books towards a tutor etc I found out over a year ago how his father can have him assesed but to no out of pocket money to him my grandson is now 6 as 29 March and in February he started year 1 in school I'm at my wits end as nobody will believe me when I mention the word Autism my grandson is very clever and loving but nobody will take me seriously it is nothing to be ashamed of but in school it will be so sad if he is picked on he is the one going to be hurt in my mind and it's not hard to take him to be assessed it's not costing any money now my daughter

Dockersgirl1955 Thu 04-Apr-19 01:53:46

Sorry it cut off yes my daughter who has supervised visits now because she sees him 2 hours every fortnight she is telling me that his speech is a lot better but there was other issues and signs that went with this the father my daughter the mother the ICL doesn't think there's a problem my daughters lawyer although they have never seen him the ICL lawyer has since called in a single expert witness who makes a report to the judge she did see him and stipulated his speech is behind for his age I cannot believe that nobody including my own daughter will do anything about this when he turns 7 he will have to pay a large amount of money if he's told to have an assessment if anyone loved this beautiful child why won't they do something about it he's to precious to destroy and his heart ❤️ is so big he is gentle and an animal lover he's just beautiful my hands are tied as the father won't let me or his maternal family see him it's 2 1/2 years since I held him kissed him told him I love him and for me not to hear " love you Nan " my heart is broken I've also had a heart attack may last year the hospital said due to stress my own mother is 85 years and he won't let my mother see him I honestly don't think he will know me does anyone know of a way around this whereas I helped raise him for 3 years 10 months to alienate a child is detrimental but his father thinks he can do whatever please please help me if anyone can this is most definitely worse than a death because with death you know your loved one is never coming back because my grandson doesn't live far from me everywhere I go I look for him to catch a glimpse of him please if you know of anything I can do about the Autism Assessment please help me

Dockersgirl1955 Thu 04-Apr-19 01:56:54

By the way sorry about this novel but it's hard cramming 2 1/2 years of part of my story in a small space much appreciated if anyone has any suggestions I cannot just sit back and do nothing

Namsnanny Thu 04-Apr-19 03:38:09

Oh dear, Dockersgirl, such a lot of worry for you.

Are you in the UK or USA? You mention dollars so I wasn't sure.

The Autism Association you spoke of, can they help with further information for you?

If your in the UK try ringing The Parents for the early intervention of Autism in children on their helpline, telephone number is 01344 882248.

I don't know if you've tried posting on Mumsnet, as I wonder if they would have more knowledge of what you are going through?

If I understand correctly your hands are tied as you don't have any legal rights to see gs, let alone organise any support for him?

You obviously care greatly for your gs and daughter, and not being able to see your gs must be stressing for you.

I'm sorry I cant give you more useful advice, but I just had to reply asap, because its obviously been a very traumatic time for you, and I have a little experience of how it feels to love and miss your gchildren.

Other Grans will probably have more info and support when they pop in here.

Try to look after yourself, as you wont be any use to gs if your run ragged!

Good luck shamrock flowers

BlueBelle Thu 04-Apr-19 06:00:39

Dockergirl first, if you are a new poster Welcome
I m sorry you don’t see your grandson, that must be awful for you after having him living with you for the first three plus years
I m a bit confused with some of your details you say your daughter sees him for two hours, every fortnight supervised that is very, very limited for a court to give to a mum so I presume there is much more wrong with your daughter or her parenting than you have told us

Presuming you are living in America and to my knowledge they are far more likely to label children so I would think if he does have autism the school would pick up on it and if as you say it’s only mild I would try not to worry I think many many people have mild Autism without ever knowing
He sounds as if he’s thriving and his speech is getting better (that could be delayed speech through the split up and leaving you)
As this has all gone through court I don’t think there is anything you can do, any changes would I presume have to come from your daughter being allowed more contact you say no one else thinks he has a problem so I would hang onto that and stop obsessing with this There is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it
More than any possible autism is the fact that you don’t get to see the little chap do you know how the Dad managed to convince the court your side of the family are not able to have any contact at all ?
I hope things get easier for you

BradfordLass72 Thu 04-Apr-19 06:37:47

What a sad, sad story. I cannot advise you (someone here will) but I wanted to say I'm thinking about you and hoping it all turns out well for your little family.

My elder son had something, just that wee bit off centre, so to speak and it wasn't until he was an adult and I learned more about Autism, that I realised that's what it probably was.

Nevertheless, he's a highly successful IT professional with his own company. There's hope for your wee fellow.

Doodle Thu 04-Apr-19 19:48:06

dockersgirl sorry you have this worry. I think there is little more you can do to help your DGS but I am sure if he is ASD this will be picked up by the school at some point. If he is autistic, this is not the end of the world. If his speech is coming along that is a good sign and means he can communicate better. Are you afraid his father is not taking good care of him? My DGS is ASD and we think he’s wonderful. All children are different and it may be the signs you think are autism may be something else. Have you tried writing to the child’s father and telling him how you miss your DGS and would like to see him for a while?

Fennel Thu 04-Apr-19 20:38:38

"If he is autistic, this is not the end of the world. "
Exactly Doodle.
Dockersgirl - as your grandson grows older he'll remember the part you've played in his life. And hopefully will start to question, and want to see you again.
Can you keep contact by post? ie snailmail, imo much underestimated,

Willow500 Fri 05-Apr-19 07:03:03

This is very sad and you must be devastated to be cut out of this little boy's life. Are you not able to see him when your daughter has access? It does sound as though he needs to see someone who would be able to assess him before he gets much older - does your daughter agree he needs some help? If so could she contact the services who have dealt with her access to tell them of her/your concerns? As Doodle has said there are many people on the autism spectrum and go on to live happy and productive lives. If he is then it should be picked up in school.

He sounds very like my own little grandson who is 5 and was diagnosed with high functioning aspergers last year. He's extremely intelligent but has some behavioural issues which make him unable to control his emotions at times. My son had suspected there was something from early on and eventually they paid to have him assessed before he started school last October. He is now going to have a teachers aide as there are some things he can't cope with/doesn't understand. They live in NZ so we have only seen him twice but he was here Christmas 2016 when he was 4 and we also realised he was not a typical 4 year old but he is a lovely little guy and very special to us all.

Try not to worry too much.