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Near Neighbour

(18 Posts)
AnnieOaklea Sun 21-Apr-19 10:27:43

A near neighbour is constantly turning up, unannounced, and expects to be invited in and entertained for hours. I've now stopped letting her into my house but she keeps me talking for ages on the driveway/doorstep. She's not lonely, lives with her family and has many outside interests.
I'm a widow and she perhaps thinks I'm the one who needs her company? She moans about everything and, quite frankly, drags me down. I've suggested that I go to her house for a cuppa on a designated day, but she's having none of that!
Short of being rude, which I don't want to be, she doesn't take my hints. Any ideas?

Chewbacca Sun 21-Apr-19 10:31:51

Don't open the door to her
Or if you do, make sure you have your coat on and say that you're just on your way out and can't stop to chat.

Poppyred Sun 21-Apr-19 10:34:14

That would be my worst nightmare! Don’t answer the door to her! Cheeky mare!

Sara65 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:19:00

I had a neighbor like that when my oldest children were little, we lived in a terrace of houses, and she’d constantly be seen coming down the rear garden, with her family straggling behind her, she’d sit for hours at the kitchen table chatting, and it wasn’t as if she ever had anything interesting to say. One day we woke up to deep snow, “well at least Sharon won’t be able to get through” I said , no sooner were the words out of my mouth, when she appeared brandishing bread and milk, in enormous wellies!
A word of caution though, she was really a kind hearted person, and when I was ill after birth of baby, she took over, don’t know how we would have managed without her

Grammaretto Sun 21-Apr-19 11:24:08

I think some people would be more than grateful for a neighbour like that!
Can you open an upstairs window and shout down to her? It's difficult to keep a conversation going at a shout.

BrandyButter Sun 21-Apr-19 11:25:15

If her concerns were for you would she not be happy for you to visit her to 'get out of the house'? I think it is more her escaping to the peace and quiet of your house away from her family. I had a neighbour exactly the same. I gave her a listening ear once and then she made it a regular thing but increased the time she stayed, ignored any plans I had already made with the excuse "Oh I will only keep you a minute." It was always moans and groans about her life she never wanted to discuss anything else and she brought my mood down everyday. The only way I found out of it was to literally keep my shoes and coat ready by the door, the moment she knocked I slipped them on and said "sorry I am just on my way out" and then had to go for a little walk round and pretend I had somewhere to go. I think she eventually got the message and stopped coming. I felt angry and rediculous going through this charade (and a bit mean) but she gave me no option and I just could not find another way to preserve my freedom!

AnnieOaklea Sun 21-Apr-19 12:03:59

I know I'm a bit of a soft touch and I really wouldn't like to hurt her feelings, but she is becoming a nuisance now. The other day she turned up with her lunch in her hand!

Bopeep14 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:12:32

Must very hard for you can you just not answer the door, pretend you didn’t hear her knock, maybe she is lonely and is escaping her family for a bit, but it’s still no excuse to take up your time. Is it only you she visits or does she do it with other neighbours as well?
Puts my neighbour in perspective she harasses my visitors and slams her front door whenever she comes in or goes out no matter what the time is, and uses a hammer on the wall if anyone parks outside her house.
At least she doesn’t take up my time.
Hope you manage to find a solution.

Willow500 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:25:29

I had a neighbour like that when my children were young. She would appear at the back door with her own cup of coffee and stay for hours. Even when I started working from home she did it and at times I had to resort to hiding upstairs as we had no gate to keep her out. She was 25 years older than me and had moved from a very large house to a much smaller one on the new estate so seemed to think she was a cut above everyone else. We eventually fell out when she had a row with my husband about the children's ball in their garden. We moved away and never spoke to her again.

I think the only thing you can do is to avoid yours as much as possible. Be out, be busy upstairs and not hear the door or be on the phone etc.

sodapop Sun 21-Apr-19 13:05:50

Sometimes you just have to be honest. Tell your neighbour you are busy and can't stop, and you will see her on 'x' day for coffee then close the door. There is a choice here between being a soft touch and honesty. Don't think you can avoid upsetting her if you are really finding it too much. Good luck AnnieOakley

TerriBull Sun 21-Apr-19 13:18:35

It's very hard because on the one hand one always wants to have the right balance with neighbours. Such as being on the right side of friendly, looking out for each other. My immediate neighbour telephones us if she is going away and likewise we do too, I also take in any parcels for her whilst she is at work, at one time quite numerous but nevertheless she is always grateful and we don't mind if we are there, making sure to help out in an emergency. This to me is being a good neighbour.

There have been occasions, not in the house I live now, a previous one, when I was a lot younger and unencumbered by children. I had a day off and was enjoying a read in my garden on a sunny day. My neighbour who I didn't know that well as I was usually out at work all day, leaned over the fence to ask if I'd like to come and have a look at her new dinner service confused I found the invitation so random and bizarre, had no interest in viewing a dinner service, stuck into a really good book, enjoying the sun, time on my own. However, had no bloody idea how to extricate myself from a very unwanted invite that turned into a dreary couple of hours discussing, or rather me listening to her running through a series of purchases and then showing them to me. Worse still being invited to something called a "Pippa Dee Event" one of those home sell affairs (clothes) in her home and buying something I didn't want under duress. Think I'd just say no! (politely) to both these days, life's too short.

I have a friend who lives on her own happily in a lovely cottage she's done up. Nice neighbours, however, one side keep inviting her to dinner, she works all week up in London, out visiting quite often at weekend so genuine excuse as to why she couldn't go on the date they suggested, thought no more of it, because frankly she doesn't want the relationship to go beyond "just good neighbours" Since then she's been bombarded with alternative dates, sometimes she's made excuses, sometimes she's felt she was hiding indoors to escape. In the end she texted with a "thank you so much for your invitation, but the dates just don't work for me, so best leave it, but thanks anyway" I think the penny finally dropped.

Goodluck OP follow your instincts.

Charleygirl5 Sun 21-Apr-19 13:34:50

The daughter of one of my neighbours used to appear on my doorstep at random times with a beautifully cooked plate of curry. She would then march in, place it on a table and then touch each piece on the plate explaining what each was.

I usually plan my meals in advance and this was always totally unwanted. She also sells something from home and wanted me to buy whatever it was- cream of some description. I said no, sorry, I had an allergy. I think she got the message I did not need the food.

When I first moved in here 20+ years ago another neighbour used to make curried chips for her children and come to my doorstep whenever and expected me to eat them there and then irrespective of the time of day etc.

I am size 18 so needed these extra meals like a hole in the head.

With my present neighbours we take in parcels, look out for each other's houses- nobody is a nuisance.

AnnieOaklea Sun 21-Apr-19 13:59:21

My immediate neighbours are lovely, we all look out for each other, but never interfere. It's just this particular lady who lives in my Road, a few doors away, who has latched onto me because we met at a dressmaking class we both attended. Since then, in the last eighteen months she's become a hazard. She told me today when she "popped round" that she knew I was in as my windows were open!

AnnieOaklea Sun 21-Apr-19 14:00:40

Today's "pop round" was at 09.00 am, Easter Sunday! That's not acceptable, surely, in anyone's eyes?!

Sara65 Sun 21-Apr-19 14:08:45

Not unless you are genuinely good friends, and are always welcome in each other’s homes, otherwise, absolutely not!

Ohmother Sun 21-Apr-19 17:00:35

Answer the door naked next time and tell her you’ve given up dressmaking and joined the local naturists group. ?

I feel sorry for you. I have a fantastic friend but she ( and her family) will always outstay the welcome. I’ve even been genuinely falling asleep but neither she or her husband has made an effort to move. ?

Telly Sun 21-Apr-19 17:40:02

I would suggest that you have some where to go or someone coming when it looks like she's about. At the end of the day you either have to do something or put up with it. Neighbours who are overly friendly can become an issue.

Grammaretto Sun 21-Apr-19 18:03:06

She does sound a bit extreme . 9am on Easter Sunday AnnieOaklea
You may need to do something drastic. Perhaps you could call on her at 7amwink.
Give her something to do?
She sounds bored.
In one house we lived the woman across the road would often just let herself in shouting cooee! Once she came right into our bedroom when we were in bed! Instead of apologising she said we should have been up at such a late hour.
After that we made sure the doors were locked.
Apart from this behaviour she was very kind and would mind our kids and give us pots of jam. Although she had 4 children herself, her DH was a rather dreary character who locked himself away in his study and let her get on with her neighbourly duties.