Son about to get married in St Lucia, wish I was with him.

HappyGran- I am so sorry for you but to be honest you are not missing much! Having seen a lot of weddings on both St Lucia & Tobago they are very tacky affairs. It always made me smile to see the bride tripping down to the beach in her posh shoes & getting them full of sand! It is also very very hot - even in the evening!!All the guests looked decidedly uncomfortable coming back to the hotel too.
Just enjoy the video!

Well, after 20 years of OH and myself saying we would never get married, on my recent trip to England he telephoned to say we had to get married. No he isn't pregnant. It all hinges around his pension due soon. It would mean I get a widow's pension. This went on to next of kin etc and mainly because of Bloody Brexit it does tie up a few loose ends practically.

It started as a quick trip to the Mairie with a couple of witnesses. It will be my third marriage and I really felt a bit silly taking vows yet again in front of my children! (who are absolutely fine about it). It has now escalated to a combined 70th birthday party for me with the Mairie and vin d'honneur in the autumn and a large celebration chez nous next summer with all the family!

How did I get talked into this! Although I keep saying he hasn't asked me yet and I haven't said yes!

and Joelise if you are reading this please keep schtum until I can tell you know who when they get back from the States!!

I was rather delighted when my daughter told me she was getting married in two weeks and that it would be just her and her chap, their three children and one sister each as witnesses. I lent DD1 my diamond necklace (not as bling as it sounds!) as the something borrowed. When I see the enormous fuss and expense of some weddings (not to mention those hideous Mother of The Bride outfits that I wouldn't be seen dead in) I think we got off lightly and I didn't mind at all. There was a lovely party a few months later which we all loved. It'll all be OK - just enjoy the photos and wish them the very best. (But I'd totally get it if you have a bit of a cry).

We bring them into the world, watch them grow up and then they fly the nest. We are parents but it isn't always easy. I would be the same as you but you have respected their wishes and now they must make their own futures. I do hope you are able to Skype or watch the wedding live. Sending you love and hugs. x

I've done both first time big white wedding followed by divorce second time myself, dh and children and two friends as witnesses still with him my soul mate, I know which one I would choose no stress no expense just the words... Two of my children have and will go down a similar route but abroad with friends and family in tow lovely time and looking forward to the later one in September.

There cannot be many parents who would not want to be involved or at least present at their children's wedding. Our eldest daughter decided on a register office no frills no reception wedding which was naturally a great disappointment to ourselves and others in our family. Bride and groom, followed by their friends, would then be off to the local pub while myself, DH our relatives and DD's in laws had our' own' reception at a top notch hotel funded by DH. Disappointing and not your usual kind of wedding but it was their day not ours.

Oh I meant to say on their return we had a very small family get together at our house with lots of fizz and a 'wedding cake' a friend made for us. It was lovely.

My eldest got married in California while on holiday with his long term girlfriend. They just decided on the spur of the moment! They were never going to go down the traditional route of church/reception type of thing and I love them all the more for being brave enough to do it! I also love them for not spending hideous amounts of money on their wedding and for not putting us through the horrendous time that some families seem to endure! Does that make me a bad mother??

My son got married in Toronto and we just couldn't afford to go but we had a party at a later date.

My grandson is getting married in Bali next week. His fiancé’s mother is Indonesian. They weren’t worried about getting married at all but her parents are very religious and are footing the bill. Only my son and wife will be attending as well as her parents They will have a party in London later.
In 1946 my husband and I got married at a register office as soon as he was demobbed simply because it was frowned upon for unmarried couples to cohabit in those days.
My granddaughter didn’t tell anyone but they just went with a couple of friends to the register office.
I just don’t see the point of spending ,thousands of pounds on a wedding and then not being able to find the money for the deposit on a house.

My brother and sister in law got married with just 2 friends present. I was the only family member that knew in advance( on a shopping day out SiL, a few weeks beforehand, she told me and I was sworn to secrecy) I think my mum was quite upset when they announced it the evening after, but she hid it well.
In this day and age, with the silly costs of a wedding, understandable that so many couples go off overseas- lovely for them, but sad for the families left in the UK. To me, a wedding should be for all of the family, so could you arrange a get together in the next few months for everybody ?
Anyway, very best wishes for the future to your son and DiL

Hi everyone

They FaceTimed me last night, still in their wedding clothes and it was just lovely.
They looked so happy and lived up. I felt sorry for my DIL as her own mum kept phoning her in floods of tears and losing the plot. Not what the poor girl needed. X

I've saidon here before that my youngest got married in Fiji and we didn't know about it till a group email from our son-in-law the next morning. There was a pang but it didn't last long. It's just one day.

My daughter was married in Jamaica. Just the two of them. It didn't bother me, I'm not a lover of social occasions or the preparations to go with them. The money which can be spent on weddings these days can be better spent.

I see very happy couples get married
(I'm a wedding celebrant)...with just 2 friends, often outdoors in a beautiful location. I often think of the families and how it's a bit sad from their perspective. But then I see the big weddings in hotels and how stressful they are, especially for the quieter bride or groom. Worrying about things that really aren't important but the whole thing is such a production! I completely understand parents feeling sad....perhaps parents can plan something nice for themselves to mark the event...

Come on BB since when was the choice just between going abroad or a lavish wedding here? Small is possible here. I do agree though that if there are massive disagreements happening, then eloping may be perfectly understandable and preferable. But if family relationships are good why treat the parents so unkindly?

Maryeliza the sad part is paying £30.000 and putting yourself in debt to fund a British wedding party of today that invariable ends in some over drinking, some fallings out, some competition between in laws and outlaws and a bill for years to come
What’s better than to have a meaningful way of doing it ‘for themselves’ and including a holiday/honeymoon to boot
My eldest always said that’s what she and her partner would do but he died before they did but I thought it a great idea I believe weddings are massively over rated as they stand today and a small or private one is by far the best way to go

Have you heard from them Happygran

Well I just think it’s really sad.

I hear so many stories of couples going into debt to fund a big wedding.Or marrying abroad and expecting friends and family to use up holiday and find the money to fly out and pay for accomodation -and sometimes when they have other similar wedding invites .Our daughter is engaged and her fiance wants a big 'do' whereas she would prefer something much simpler.His family dynamics are complicated and she thinks it would all end being too stressful.His mum is already insisting all the nieces are flower girls. And DD doesn't want any flower girls in the first place!
I've told her as far as her dad and I are concerned if she wants to fly off and marry on holiday, or just do a quiet register office with a couple of friends as witnesses that's absolutely fine by us.If they just turn up married we will crack open the bubbly and treat them to a lovely meal.Up to them.
However on the day when it's lashing with rain and you know what's happening of course you're bound to have felt somewhat wistful Happygran.

It's a popular choice for couples here to go off by themselves to the islands (Samoa, Fiji, Cook Islands etc)
and have that special time to themselves.

Later, if they can afford it, they have a big party for family and friends.

In my day it was even frowned on to go to a Registry Office. All 'respectable' people got married in church.

There were arguments about who should be invited, what to wear, what to eat, what to buy as gifts - it became a nightmare for very many brides and grooms.

Thank goodness our independent, modern children and grand-children are now thinking outside the rather stuffy box and doing it their own way.

My son eloped too. I was heartbroken to not be there or share the experience with my friends as they have invited me to their children’s weddings. But my son and his wife are happy together so have to keep zipped! Doesn’t make it sting anyless though does it? sending hugs OP

My husband and I married in the Seychelles and had a party at my Mum's when we got back.

The couples who did take their parents behaved very strangely towards their parents after their wedding, sitting separately at breakfast/dinner. I suppose they were having their 'honeymoon' and wanted to be alone.

Congratuations to your son, I hope he has a happy and fulfilling life with his new wife xx

Their day, their way. My husband &I were married with just two friends there. We told our children and families that was what we wanted. No fuss, no expense.
I have to admit to some misgivings afterwards and perhaps would not do it that way again. We have been happily married for 14 years now though,

Leyla I do agree with you about being a tiny bit selfish but I don't think young ones 'think' about that side of it. Not until they get children of their own.

45 years ago one of my good friends 'eloped' and got married on Christmas Eve..pre-sent cards to their parents and family. Was a shock to both families and friends but is what they wanted..... Fast forward years when [their] daughter was going to be married and they were in the midst of all the excitement and planning! She told me then how she realised just how much it must have hurt the parents at the time! Thankfully, time erased that for both sets of parents and they had a wonderful relationship on both sides with the grandchildren. Bottom line is...I don't think there is any intent to hurt, just a lack of understanding when you are young?

I'm donning my tin hat here but I think it's a tiny bit selfish to deny your mum and dad the opportunity to be there...just my view and I would try to be dignified about but I must confess that I will be gutted if my one and only DD decides to do the same. But I suppose there's not much you can do about it.
I think it often happens when people have complicated blended families.
I find it difficult to understand how young couples plan to spend so much money on one day so I get it from that point of view.
You sound very dignified about it all and I hope they appreciate how sad you must feel not to be there. Maybe if/when when their children get wed they'll get it.
Now open a nice bottle of fizz and start planning a fabulous outfit for the party when they get home!