AIBU for not wanting nana to be called mama?

Now, I am ready to be called crazy by other posters. I know it is coming
Well, I wouldn't say you were under-reacting

It's just a name.

There are far more important things to dwell on and get upset about.

Lighten up, chill out.

Naneh, perfect for you to be called as you are Persian.

You must protect your daughter from unsafe people

Cobblers!

Well, being as your daughter doesn't seem to like her, and you sure as hell don't, I don't see what you are worrying about.

This is very serious. You are under reacting.

This is not a matter of calling her mama.

She wants to be her mother, erasing you from the picture. What good grandmother does that?

What good grandmother tells a child: "hawa doesn't like you spending time alone with mama?"

Why is she using your child to do the dirty work and confuse her?
Your dh must tell her to drop the games or she will not see her grandchild.
Next visit, one warning for her to drop her games and if she does not do it, you leave.

You must protect your daughter from unsafe people.
A person who wants to usurp your mother role, disrespect you so openly and groom your daughter to fill her needs is not a good role model for your daughter, it does not matter there is a DNA link involved here.

Now, I am ready to be called crazy by other posters. I know it is coming

Thanks everyone, yes what’s weird to me is the insistence, pretending to our face to call herself Bebe Joon then soon as she walks out the room she calls herself mama and tells my dd to stop calling me mama lol. If my dd turned to call me mummy which probably will.. it wouldn’t even bother me as yes it’s just a name, but it’s everything else, the fact she try’s to be the mom and calls herself every variation of the word mother lol and that she try’s to teach my dd my first name.

She will walk down the stairs going “we going to see hawa now, hawa don’t like you spending time alone with mama don’t she?” Even my dd gets confused and doesn’t really like her,
The only alone time they get is when dd runs up the stairs and mil races to get her so the alone time is literally mil picking her up on the stairs and walking down. And this is mainly because I don’t trust her.

My mother lives 5 hours away and sees my dd once every few months yet my dd has a far stronger bond with her! Will sit with her for hours on end and even try’s to say grandma! Which does come out as mamar lol.

It’s just the whole thing is getting to me, I feel upset that I can’t leave my dd with my mil for few hours while I run my errands or go have time myself but dd just hasn’t warmed to her or that side of the family and I generally think it’s because mil is always in her face begging for cuddles and taking her away from me lol. My dd will grab her shoes and come to me and be like “mama yas go” (her name is Yasmin) after 15 minutes of being in the house lol

I can well believe it's an issue - it's unbelievable that even after it's been explained to the MIL she's continuing to behave this way. Very self-centred and childish of her.

I can’t believe this is even an issue!

Absolutely.

I don't think the shouting is unreasonable. It is totally unreasonable of the grandmother to try and usurp the mother's place - and a bit worrying that she is being coercive about it. I really don't blame the OP for getting cross with some of the opinions being offered. I might well have found good reasons not to see the grandmother so often by now, if I was in her place. Grandparents only have the rights they earn.

Granted, if you dial back the visits, she'll probably complain and carry on. I don't promise it will be easy. But, at least, you won't have her around so much trying to convince DD that she's her mother.

Generally speaking, I think a person has a right to decide their own name. But if a GP's choice of GP name offends the parents, IMO, the GP should be willing to change it. There are loads of alternatives, surely.

But it's NOT just about the name. It's about this...

"My daughter ALREADY CALLS ME MAMA!!! But she will say tel her “no that’s not mama that’s mummy hawa or even worse she will say “that’s hawa I’m mama”

????????????????! So it’s appropriate for the grandmother to call me by my first name and try take the name that my child already calls me? To call her instead lol?"

... and the fact that MIL refers to her GDs as her "daughters," etc. Clearly, she's having trouble accepting the fact that she not the mum this time around and/or that she's getting older, etc. She can't help feeling that way, but she can help how she acts. It seems to me, she's not only "playing mummy" in her own mind but trying to get everyone, even the kids, to go along w/ it.

So yes, I think you and DH have to deal w/ it, Hawa. Perhaps using humor as Luckygirl suggests, will help. At least, it may make DD see MIL's behavior as "funny" or "silly," so DD won't take it seriously and be confused.

But again, I recommend cutting back on the time you spend w/ MIL. Do you and yours really need to see her twice a week? Unless she's childminding, that's a lot, IMO. Less time w/ her is less time for her to try to confuse DD. And less aggravation for you (I can't imagine having to face this twice a week!) Also, perhaps she'll take your and DH's concerns more seriously if she thinks she lost out a little b/c of her behavior (perhaps not, of course). Again, I'm NOT saying cut her off completely, just lower the number of visits and give yourselves more room .... Just my opinion...

^ BUT I NEVER CLAIMED SHE HAD TO BE CALLED NANA^
So why did you title the thread:

AIBU for not wanting nana to be called mama?

ps there is no need to shout which says quite a lot
I still think that this is all very odd.

Also in our culture, grandmothers are called Bebe, nana (pronounced naneh) it’s not uncommon.

I referred to her as nana because she is a nana as we know. BUT I NEVER CLAIMED SHE HAD TO BE CALLED NANA. I gave her so many options including being called MAMAN which is mother in Farsi. And even mama her name. She said no.

My daughter ALREADY CALLS ME MAMA!!! But she will say tel her “no that’s not mama that’s mummy hawa or even worse she will say “that’s hawa I’m mama”

????????????????! So it’s appropriate for the grandmother to call me by my first name and try take the name that my child already calls me? To call her instead lol?

SirC 'exactly' - totally wrong on her part. Being a French speaker, 'mamma' means mum, not granny/nan/grandma.

If OP has told 'mamma' does not feel right to her and upsets her- that should be the end of it. Way out of order.

Glad GCs don't call me 'nana' as here people would find it funny/hilarious, as a 'nanna' in French means a sexy young woman ...

My eldest GC could not pronounce Grandma so called me Marmar. Their mother is known as Mum.
When the great grandchildren came along, they called my daughter, their grandmother, Marmar as well and I am known as MarmarMarmar - bit of a mouthful but, they are happy.

The only thing that's weird is the behaviour of the MIL - imo. What sort of a person cries in that situation, or continues to reinforce the name she's chosen for herself to young children even though she's been asked not to, or refers to her grandaughter as her daughter? Bonkers.

My paternal grandparents died before I was born and the others when I was very young.
I wish I'd had a chance to call them whatever they chose to be called.

Is it unusual to call oneself "Persian" these days?
I do hope that your MIL is not of the Muslim faith, Hawa - she could be offended if you want to call her Nana (a dog's name).

This thread is rather weird imo.

Everyone in my family called my paternal grandmother Mother. I don’t know how it came about but it wasn’t a problem. Certainly nobody was in any doubt as to who she was (to me, my much-loved and lovely grandmother), and of course there was no confusing her with our actual mothers!

On the other hand, I don’t have the sort of family where people constantly demand power and respect, and delight in the thought of cutting off elderly relatives. I feel sorry for those who do.

"What's in a name?"

Storm in a teacup

My Father called his Grandma, Mother and his Mother, Mum.
He told me the whole family, her six daughters, called her Mother so he did too, as did all her other Grandchildren.
I asked him did it ever cause confusion and he told me that it didn't as there was only one Mother.
I've always thought that it was quite sweet.

Re-reading the heading of the OP

AIBU for not wanting nana to be called mama?

Personally, I think it is very unreasonable for a DIL to decide that a grandmother should be called nana..
It's the name of the dog in Peter Pan, I dislike it and refuse to be called it.

Surely a grandmother should have some choice over what her DGC should call her - and she is already called mama by her other DGC.

So, on reflection, I think that you are being unreasonable, OP.
That is just my view.

Many Maori grandchildren call their grandparents Nannima and Daddima.

I am caller d Mamar by my 2 SVC from my eldest son. It is what I called my gran and what I requested. They call their mother mummy.
However, my Dil in NZ, who has just had a baby, couldn't hear the distinction between Mamar and mamma, which is what she will be called. Listening to her nieces calling their mum's mamma, I did understand - it sounds very similar with their accents. So I have happily agreed to be grandma for NZ sprogs!I
Would Mamar maybe work for you? If not your Mil should choose an alternative she is happy with.

I wouldn't make a big issue of it. Your DD won't think MIL is her mother - she knows who her mother is. No doubt she'll call you Mummy or Mum, and will call her grandmother Mama . Two different names. I'd say "pick your battles " - you'll have plenty of other problems to deal with over the years, but what name your child calls her grandmother shouldn't be one of them.