Friendship

tracker you need to start a new thread. Go in to gransnet / forums and you will see somewhere on screen start new post button. Give it title , do your post and press post at bottom. Then people will reply to your particular subject. At the moment you are posting on someone else's thread about friendship

How do i check replies to my post i am new to system

P.S. Silverlining48, my dh has also said that a particular person who I thought was my friend, was really only a fair weather friend too - and he was right as well :-) husbands can see these things that we cannot see when in the 'friendship'.

I have had this happen to me, then I realise that there is some truth in that people come into your lives for a Reason, a Season or for a Lifetime and as others have said, it sounds like this friendship has definitely run it's course as it is so one-sided. It is difficult to accept and understand, I know.
I wish you well.

I had a friend for 65 years. I was there for her over those years but when I needed her friendship she was nowhere to be seen. It’s been a couple of years now since we were last in touch. My dh always said she was a fair weather friend, and he was right ( for a change). smile.

Hi tracker99. I think you need to start a new thread altogether as this is about something completely different.

I am sure there are lots of people who will be able to give advice about ED but they won't see it on a thread about 'Friendship' Move on over to relationship problems and start a whole new thread.

MY DH is 80 me 78 he has had bladder and prostate cancer plus new heart valve in the last 6 yrs the radio therapy has left him with ed nhs has been fantastic with different treatments ie devices and tablets but still able to maintain full erection and it bothers him i have told him we have had a very good life together during 58 yrs of marriage and i would much sooner him be fit and well after his all he has gone through our LOVE id stil as strong as ever .just wondered if anyone else has had similar because no one seems to talk about ed .

Years ago, someone told me that people were either drains or radiators... I laughed at the time, but as the years have gone on, I realise how true it is. I have a few friends who have been rocks to me when I have had a couple of accidents over the last ten years - and I am so, SO grateful for these 'radiators' who have given me so much support - as I have done for them.
Your so-called friend is a 'drain' - put her out of your mind and you'll be much happier. Any effort that you make will just disappear into the ground.
Be happy

I've found that over the years some friends are there when you need them and others are there when they need you. I think we just have to accept that is how it is and not fret over it

I have just heard that a dear friend from school, who has been in touch with me and others for over 50 years, has died. Please don’t give up on your friend.

Your posts made me think. I am lucky to have a good family and a few good friends. I have friends I meet up with once or twice a year - we have lunch and a good catch up, but there is only one o them who has phoned to see if I am ok in between - who I would ring if I needed a shoulder, but non the less I enjoy our get togethers and their company. Friendships do change There are times I am not free, as are ol thers. If you enjoy someone's company then keep in touch. Perhaps meet every three months rather than six weeks. Money or family commitments could be issues but if you enjoy their company then its good to keep in touch. I wouldn't bother with anyone who left me to pick up a bill or someone I had to run after. That is taking the Michael and I would drop anyone like that. Its rude and selfish.

I tend to agree with Tedber- I had what I thought was a very strong friendship for quite some years even though we lived quite a distance away from one another. I was extremely supportive to her& her family when her father was desperately sick and dying and a huge support to her when her father passed away about five years ago. My children and my husband all told me time and again she was a selfish rubbish friend and only using me for trips to my city and be pampered and waited on hand and foot. I did not listen to them because she was everything to me. I soon discovered how selfish she truly was when the boot was on the other foot and I desperately needed a good friend to chat to & comfort me ( aside from family) when my own father was desperately ill and dying quite recently. It was all too much trouble, she had other fish to fry and never instigated a call or a text, far too busy to even make time for me. Again I was reminded by my family that she was just a user and to forget her. I did drop her after she did something despicable towards me and I cut her from my life, not long after my father did pass away & it was then that I missed a friend to confide in. I am sad that it came to that, however listen to what others say because when you add it all up, she probably is a user and not a real loyal friend.

My bestie died last year at 98 . There was over 20 years difference .We would chat late at night ,she loved that as she didn’t sleep well . I miss her dreadfully . I thnk every one needs an older friend and I hope I can be that to younger women . It’s such a comfort to the older woman too .

Ginger girl.Being ill, or bereaved, certainly shows who the genuine friends are. I was ill last year and heard nothing at all from a couple I have known for 48 years ,and whose daughter is my Goddaughter. They are both’good Christians’ Several other friends, some quite new to me, were very concerned and helpful and at least two of them are atheists. I think I would be inclined to ignore your friend unless she gets in touch with you.

I agree with Bekind - one sided relationships are a waste of time. I no longer have a close female friend - due to choice and relocating so many times. One old school friend meets me for coffee/lunch every few months, I have lunch with two friends from my old home town, perhaps three times a year. My dearest friend emigrated to Australia about eighteen years ago but we keep in touch via FB and Messenger. Good friendships take a lot of time and selflessness and I no longer have the energy. Hope you find a new friend soon, should you want one! ?

I think I'm a bit odd. As a child and a teenager I really wanted friends. Nowadays I don't feel the need for them at all.

Fairweather friends are ten-a-penny. It's the real friends in your life that you should concentrate your time and energy on. Say bye bye to this person and carry on regardless. So what if you've known each other for 30 years? Time doesn't stand still and neither should you while you wait around for her to throw you a crumb or two of so-called 'friendship'. Life is just far,far too short.

How much do you value or need this on /off friendship ?
If you feel you are being 'used' then play it by your rules
Be available if /when it suits you.

Get rid of one-sided relationships! I spent most of my adult life trying to please everyone and now, I just don't have the time to waste! Appreciate the people in your life who appreciate you! That's not being selfish!

My daughter had a long time friend. They were like sisters. They shared so much - holidays, nights out, along with their DHs who were also friends. This friend always liked things her way, which my DD went along with. Last year the friend was trying to interfere in something my DD was doing and, for once, my DD said no to her. The friend was furious and the friendship is over also the DHs friendship. She has said things about my DD on social media. She was a friend on her terms only.

Years ago I had a friend, we worked together, went out together, she stayed at my house overnight and discussed everything as friends do, but when I met my current partner, she moved on to another friend of mine, did the same with her and then she moved on again. It appears she has many 'friends' but none ever lasted long. We no longer contact each other and I met someone by pure chance the other day who when we were talking about our work knew this woman and the same thing had happened to her. I do think that some people are just like this, Im not sure it is intentional but the way they are. Probably quite selfish. I do not worry about it now but at the time it was quite hurtful. Gingergirl I would try not to worry too much, it may be that your friend isnt well mentally and may be suffering memory issues. I agree with Luluaugust and either let it go or accept it for what it is.

Oh my goodness...That's EXACTLY my old friend....wonder if it is the same one hahaha

Gingergirl. I'm sorry you are having this dilemma. I am answering without reading everyone's responses this time because I have a migraine and can't see the screen very well. Also I would like to say what I think and not be influenced.

I have had one or two slightly weird friendships over the years. I suppose during one's life one does meet people who are a bit "different". My feeling about this lady is that you should put yourself first. Even if she is experiencing some dementia, she has always used you and not been there when you were ill. She is only interested in having you around when it suits her and over the years has not paid attention to your needs. I would cool off and just let her be. I imagine you have other good friends? Just keep in touch with them and do the things you enjoy.

Twice, at different times, I spent a lot of time worrying about two people who made friends with me and fussed a lot for me to visit them and do things for them. I did all they asked. I listened to their woes about their family and so on. Then suddenly they just stopped contacting me. I phoned and wrote and they did not answer. I am sure I did nothing to annoy them, I was very good to them! But it taught me not to get sucked in by some people who just want you when it suits them only and are not true friends. There are so many different kinds of people in this world and as we go through life we are sure to meet some strange ones. I would not put yourself out for the friend. When you were ill and she was younger, she ignored you. So just leave things and concentrate on the real friends that you have.

I can see why you are confusedGingergirl it does sound as if she may have a memory problem. I do think some friendships are like this, I have friends I meet nearly every week and others who I phone when I can for a chat. We are at a stage where we are still pretty busy and sometimes we are searching around in our diaries for a free day. I would either let it go completely or just take it for what it is an on and off arrangement to catch up when you can.

Real friendship is always a two way street. This sounds like a one way street. Why do you keep bothering with this person? Guilt? Some feeling obligation or responsibility? Only you can answer that question. You do not appear to gain much, if anything, from continuing this so called "friendship". She is someone you have known for a long time, not a friend.

Perhaps see her occasionally when, and if, it suits you or not at all. Life is too short to spend so much time and thought on someone who offers you so very little in return.