Gransnet forums

AIBU

to object to this type of invitation?

(168 Posts)
kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:00:56

Dgs has won a prize for science and obviously we are all very proud. His parents are invited to the presentation evening. DGS will, obviously, wear his uniform but the invitation from the school says that there is a smart casual dress code for parents.

I am appalled that the school is so prescriptive about how the parents dress.

AIBU?

Jaycee5 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:39:15

I agree with Marmight. A dress code is so that people aren't embarrassed. For day wear it wouldn't make that much difference for women but it would be a bit annoying as a man to wear a suit and tie and then learn that you didn't need to.
Smart casual is fairly wide description.

Griselda Wed 10-Jul-19 12:23:44

Wouldn't parents know that? Presumably they know how special it is and will do their best for their child.

I think their idea of doing their best may be different from yours. I went to a school carol service in my gd's local church and several men did not remove their headgear. I found the red baseball cap sideways particularly offensive. I tried to tell myself that at least the man was supporting his child, but I failed !
Like you I live in north-west Leicestershire.

BassGrammy Wed 10-Jul-19 12:22:34

I actually think it’s very useful to be given a dress code. How many times have we been to events where we haven’t known what to wear! Smart casual indicates the type of event it is, people will interpret it differently anyway. Those who want to go in shorts and flip flops, still will, and they won’t care, but those who would like to know have been told! I’d far rather that than turn up inappropriately dressed.

aonk Wed 10-Jul-19 12:18:20

I’m a retired secondary school teacher. I and my colleagues used to make an effort with our appearance for Parents Evenings. Some teachers would even change after school for this. This showed that we felt that meeting the parents was important to us. I only wish that some of the parents felt this way about meeting their children’s teachers! A special occasion deserves an effort no matter what type of school it may be. After all we’re strict about the students’ uniforms so not to dress appropriately is the height of hypocrisy!

sandelf Wed 10-Jul-19 12:14:56

I guess there might be some parents/guests who genuinely do not realise this is a 'make an effort' occasion and this is a simple way to make it clear that no, your usual ripped jeans will not do. smile

annep1 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:10:55

I used to love dressing up for the theatre /orchestra. Now I look conspicuous if I do!

annep1 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:09:58

I'm always glad of guidelines. Perhaps if they had said it was only a guideline as some folk may not have enough money to have a smart casual outfit.

icanhandthemback Wed 10-Jul-19 12:07:20

It seems it is reasonable to be offended by anything these days. A dress code just gives a heads up to what would be appropriate to wear. My son's school, (an independent school where money would be less of a problem for 95% of the parents and who tend to dress in a conservative fashion), state a dress code on most of their events.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 12:06:55

grin

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 12:06:02

You could always stand at the back on newspaper knspol wink

maddyone Wed 10-Jul-19 12:05:40

Perhaps the dress code is to stop people turning up in their pyjamas. When I was teaching, parents actually turned up to collect their children in pyjamas!
I agree with issuing a dress code because all too often people don’t understand the unwritten standards of dress and turn up to places dressed as if ready for bed, or for the beach.

Kim19 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:05:35

I pretty much decide what I'm going to wear to a function on receipt of the invitation. I consider myself able to manage 'occasion appropriate'. However, I'm perfectly happy with guideline suggestions. What happens if someone is considered to be inappropriately attired? Are they excluded? And.....who decides?

knickas63 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:02:41

Smart Casual is a generic description that covers a lot of things. I think it is basically to ensure no one turns up in bikini tops and shorts, or shirtless in the case of men. Don't take offense - I am sure none was meant. And this is someone who is pathologically opposed to being told what to do!

knspol Wed 10-Jul-19 12:02:40

What about if you can only get to the school straight from work in your overalls to see your child pick up a prize??? You should be denied entry due to an effort to stop morons turning up in vests, shorts and flip flops???

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 11:57:34

A fiver for a dress, £3 for a shirt, £5 for trousers, the bus fares to get to the charity shops, etc etc - it all adds up. My DC went to a very socially diverse school (far more so than the one described upthread with midwives and district nurses and one delivery driver grin) and a fiver was what some kids got for their entire week’s lunch money. There were levels poverty that I was shocked by - and yet a couple of miles away there were families like us living in very different circumstances. I’m glad they had the school experience they did, it made us all very much more aware of the real challenges faced by some families.

4allweknow Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:45

No problem here. Sure school wants to try to mark the occasion as being special. Smart casual usually means try not to turn up in track suits and trainers.

Crazygran Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:41

I think we should see more of that as it is dreadful the way some people dress these days, especially in the Hot weather .you don’t have to wear expensive clothes but who wants to see half naked bodies except on the beach !!!!!
That’s better been wanting a rant about that for ages .

Annaram1 Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:10

I think it is very good of the school to make it into a special occasion for the pupils. Well done to your Grandson Kitty.
As for parents not being able to afford smart clothes, haven't they ever heard of charity shops? You can get a nice dress for £5 or so, smart men's trousers for about the same, and men's shirts for about £3. When my husband died 3 years ago I donated his clothes to a charity shop and went in about 2 weeks later, I saw the prices then, and also noticed that his black scarcely worn DJ was only £8!!!
I hope you have a lovely day.

Lizzies Wed 10-Jul-19 11:46:45

On Saturday morning I saw children and parents heading for the school speech day of a local fee paying school. All the children were in smart school uniforms, but the dress of the parents varied between smart casual and shorts and sandals. This was mostly males I have to say.

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 11:35:55

when our kids were at school, in a very mixed area, the parents dressed appropriately, apart from one dad who was an 'on call' breakdown driver. We all knew this, he was as neat and clean as possible, given he was in work clothing

Oh dear I daren't say what I would really like to say to this comment nannarose shock I wonder did you put newspapers down for him to stand on ?

Aepgirl Wed 10-Jul-19 11:30:32

How refreshing that people are being asked to dress smartly. I am sick of seeing people wearing ripped jeans, scruffy t-shirts and dirty trainers. It’s a lovely opportunity to dress up and make your grandson proud of you.

Tedber Wed 10-Jul-19 11:26:41

Nanarose my POINT was that people will take offence/argue about anything even reasonable requests (who goes to a restaurant in a bikini? smile.....the holiday was irrelevant.

trisher Wed 10-Jul-19 11:18:17

Is "smart casual" "prescriptive"? I would have thought that it left a huge variety of choice and just ruled out turning up in shorts, flip fops, jammies or workwear. I think many parents would welcome the guidance, after all turning up at an event in something inappropriate is embarassing for everyone including your child

Beckett Wed 10-Jul-19 10:47:38

I do think some people do need guidance on what is suitable these days. I recently attended a funeral and a woman showed up wearing a very short white lace dress.

rockgran Wed 10-Jul-19 10:47:10

Well done to the Dgs. I find a dress code helpful, not patronising. There are so few events in everyday life that merit a bit of an effort. Smart casual isn't difficult to achieve but it is a step up from shorts and a teeshirt. I'm always happy to bring out the pearls...but perhaps not the tiara!