Gransnet forums


to object to this type of invitation?

(168 Posts)
kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:00:56

Dgs has won a prize for science and obviously we are all very proud. His parents are invited to the presentation evening. DGS will, obviously, wear his uniform but the invitation from the school says that there is a smart casual dress code for parents.

I am appalled that the school is so prescriptive about how the parents dress.


Elrel Mon 22-Jul-19 04:17:18

eazybee - my teenage granddaughters were saying how much they disliked parents evenings because of the reactions of older boys to their attractive mothers. Nothing to do with revealing clothes.

eazybee Sun 14-Jul-19 11:15:01


eazybee Sun 14-Jul-19 11:14:04

Should news of this thread reach the school concerned, no doubt they will rethink the event, by holding it in future in school time with no parents invited.
I do remember a small scale presentation at a primary school assembly when one of the mothers concerned turned up in very brief shorts and revealing sun top, which entirely occupied the year six boys for throughout the assembly, apart from her mortified son.

Sara65 Sun 14-Jul-19 09:36:04

I’ve been to quite a few school events in the last few weeks, mostly outside in hot sunshine, even the indoor events were very warm, with this thread in mind I had a good look around, almost all ladies, mums and grannies, in summer dresses, men in jeans or chinos with shirts, one or two dads in shorts, but still quite smart. But always a handful of people who look like they’ve just walked off the beach, takes all sorts I suppose!

Witzend Sun 14-Jul-19 09:24:36

Given that nowadays some parents apparently think it's OK to do the school run - or even the pick-up - in their pyjamas, I'm not surprised the school has asked for smart casual. It's not as if they're asking for suits, ties and garden-party type frocks.

suziewoozie Thu 11-Jul-19 19:28:54

We should just give the school the benefit of the doubt. Does anyone think the head woke up in the morning wondering how they could offend parents? I am appalled by many things in today’s world but being appalled by this invitation is just sad and very unkind. None of us knows the reasoning behind the wording- why not just accept that there was s good, kind reason behind it?

rafichagran Thu 11-Jul-19 19:23:03

Whatever you choose to read into it. Not offensive though.

Callistemon Thu 11-Jul-19 18:42:17

It's just a polite way of saying no Inapropriate clothing.
Or no need to wear a suit and tie and your wedding outfit …..

rafichagran Thu 11-Jul-19 18:41:30

I agree with the School Hetty why do you think it is a cheek? It's just a polite way of saying no Inapropriate clothing.
Some people really look for things to be offended by.

PamGeo Thu 11-Jul-19 15:21:10

Congratulations to your dgs, have a fabulous experience with his proud parents. I don't mind being advised the tone of the occasion with a dress code, it helps.
I am a mature (ish) lady who usually looks smart (ish) but it does make me chuckle on the occasions I'm in my casual attire and any signs of tattoo ink is detected grin the look of surprise and even shock that I, yes me, would have such decoration is priceless tattoo's do not a bad person make, via la difference.

Callistemon Thu 11-Jul-19 13:38:05

I think the school is saying "Relax, it's just smart casual, not formal even though it is a momentous occasion".

Am I the only one who thinks this?

Nico97 Thu 11-Jul-19 13:31:13

Why does it bother you so much when you're not even attending ?

Hetty58 Thu 11-Jul-19 12:37:31

Kittylester is rightly annoyed that the school is telling parents what to wear - plain and obvious to me - what a cheek!

Summerlove Thu 11-Jul-19 11:52:44

You are being unreasonable.
The school is hosting the event, it’s their choice to put out a dress code. Why does it bother you so much?

Callistemon Thu 11-Jul-19 09:22:15

' Sunday best', Hilly, interesting smile

I have been to occasions where some women have turned up in jeans and t shirts or clothes more suited to the beach and others have worn what looks like a mother of the bride outfit!

Callistemon Thu 11-Jul-19 09:16:33

I would have read that as "there is no need to turn up in a suit and tie or your 'Sunday best'" which would come as a relief.

Although it's a fairly formal event, the mayor or perhaps the MP etc may be there , the mayor in his regalia, feel relaxed.

It is very patronising of some posters to assume that, just because some parents may be poor, they have nothing to wear other than scruffy eg vest tops and shorts.
Although people's ideas of smart casual may vary tremendously!

H1954 Thu 11-Jul-19 09:04:28

Yes, sorry but your are being unreasonable. You don't say how old you GC is but having GC of various ages attending schools at different levels I'm only too aware of how some parents and grandparents dress!

Obviously, GC school does not want people turning up to this event in leggings, crop tops, jogging bottoms that reveal "that awful builders bum", low cut tops worn over "rack-em stack-em" bras, any type of soiled workwear, mini skirts that leave nothing to the imagination, onesies................the list goes on.

Hetty58 Thu 11-Jul-19 07:55:21

It's patronising to mention a dress code - and ineffective. Those who dress 'inappropriately' will take no notice. Those who care what other people are wearing should redirect their attention to the students and awards as it's supposed to be their event. The rebels (myself included) will be tempted to make a statement or joke about it.

I remember a very talented artist and teacher who always wore paint-splattered jeans and trainers. The university decided, very reluctantly, to smarten up it's image. There was an apologetic statement about appealing to those who were impressed by appearances. Jeans and trainers were discouraged rather than banned. Staff were livid about being told what to wear. The artist turned up in beige trousers and brown leather shoes. He'd thrown an awful lot of paint over them - artistically arranged, of course!

Tedber Wed 10-Jul-19 20:22:42

SirChenjin I read your posts with interest but can't quite figure out what exactly your are saying?

Quote from you: " I was so shocked at the levels of poverty coming from a solid middle class background."

I am not sure what you regard as 'poverty' in a middle class background? Do you mean these people have no clothes whatsoever? They can't find a pair of decent trousers/shirt/skirt/shoes? What do you define as middle class? I am working class, lived from hand to mouth and still had clothes I was proud of. Still managed to feed myself and family and still able to have the odd night out!

I think all the initial intent was that people came dressed reasonably nicely so that they did their children and school proud.

I agree/disagree with some of the comments but yours I simply cannot understand .

Coolgran65 Wed 10-Jul-19 19:51:27

I think smart casual just means no football tops, shorts, flipflops, sleeveless muscle vests.

blue60 Wed 10-Jul-19 19:40:34

Well, if you turn up in jeans and tee shirt, and everyone else is smartly dressed would you be happy with that?

It's an occasion, an event to look forward to. Dress for the occasion.

Blinko Wed 10-Jul-19 18:55:28

Low cut leopard skin leggings' shock

Blinko Wed 10-Jul-19 18:54:17

I think 'smart/casual' would be very polite phrasing. After all, some people's idea of 'casual' is quite different from (or should it be 'to'?) some of the rest of us.

Vests, flip flops and pjs spring to mind. Unfortunately.

PamelaJ1 Wed 10-Jul-19 18:49:04

It’s interesting to see how many people on this thread seem to think the note referred to the less well off.
Bad manners and bad taste seem to me to be spread across all society at all levels.

HillyN Wed 10-Jul-19 18:42:09

I found Pantglas's reference to 'Sunday best' thought provoking. I don't think many people have 'Sunday best' clothes any more. When I was a girl we all went to church in our newest dresses, Dads in jackets and ties and Mums wore their best coats, hats and gloves. Today fewer people go to church and even those who do don't seem to dress up any more. Jeans, shorts and T-shirts are all quite normal at my church. So maybe a dress code for an award ceremony is not such a bad idea.