Should DH drive eight to nine hours in one day

When my husband and I go anywhere we share the driving 2hrs then swap. He can sleep in the passenger seat (he could sleep on a clothesline actually) and I just go into one of my mindless daydreams when it’s my turn to chill.

We also use trains for some journeys as it can work out cheaper with senior railcards than paying for petrol & parking. Both in our sixties and acknowledge that we can’t/shouldn’t be doing what we did in our younger days when we drove from north Wales to south of France in 48 hours.

Thank you Tommy for an objective and sensible observation, and Elegran for drawing attention to it
:01:07:10
I'm 67 still driving articulated lorries ,10 hours driving in one day is the maximum legally, spread over 15 hours ,its tiring so 18 hours is a bit much

Just an aside - in The Guardian this morning:

“Four Australian children from Queensland who packed fishing rods and cash into a four-wheel drive in an apparent attempt to run away from home have been found more than 900km (560 miles) away.

The children, aged 10 to 14, made it all the way from the central Queensland city of Rockhampton to Grafton in New South Wales before they were found.

One of the children left a goodbye note for their family before the group set off in a four-wheel drive that belonged to one of their fathers.”

?

at 67 my husband who has Parkinson's was still driving HGVs for 9hours a day! You are worrying without any reason to he's only 67 he's never had an accident and feels confident -Good for him .

I don't think it is the distance that is the problem, but the length of the day. Whether he realises it or not he will be tired by the end of it (especially the elderly parent visit inbetween which is probably quite stressful).

I don't know what the solution is - he already ignores your concerns. It isn't the fact that he is 67 - it would be too long a day for a 37 yr old.

gmarie that must have been frightening.
Thanks for sharing.

We had similar journeys when my parents in law lived 250 miles away from us. There was an airport half an hour from them, so my husband either flew or took the train. He did stay overnight, at first with parents, later in a hotel when his mum was in hospital after dad died.
I didn't like him driving such a long distance and don't feel you're being unreasonable.
I'm sure there are good enough reasons why you don't go and share the driving.
I didn't either, for good enough reasons

My FiL regularly drove mega long distances. Scotland to the south of France etc and was so proud of himself. Luckily his licence was withdrawn due to his failing eyesight at the age of 90.
He still rides a mobility scooter!! Beware!!

Put him in touch with Tommy16. (posted Mon 15-Jul-19 01:07:10) There are very good reasons why long-distance HGV drivers have tachographs in their cabs to prevent them doing exactly what your husband is doing. One of those reasons is not for the driver's benefit, but for other road users - if he does doze off on his way home after dark, he could take others with him into eternity.

I would not question my DH, if he says he is doing a certain trip he will do it. I trust he knows what he is doing as he has been driving all his adult life.

Let the train take the strain.

Surely this would be quicker and less of a worry for you.

This was my husband until a few years ago but he doesn't do it anymore. I was trying to think back to what made him stop, and all I can say was that had nothing to do with my persuading him not to. He just realised it for himself. I think that's the only way forward in these sort of cases.

Well for what it’s worth my DH is also 67 and regularly does long 4-5 hour drives with a whole days (physical) work in between followed by the return journey. Mind you he is used to very long days . Not saying it’s right, just saying.

A quick Google search turned up a lot of info. including this:

Drowsy driving is dangerous because sleep deprivation can have similar effects on your body as drinking alcohol. Being awake for 18 hours straight makes you drive like you have a blood alcohol level of .05 (for reference, .08 is considered drunk). If you’ve been awake for a full 24 hours and drive—say, after a night where you just couldn’t fall asleep—it’s like you have a blood alcohol level of .10.
www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/drowsy-driving-vs-drunk-driving-how-similar-are-they

Anja, I think the problem is the length of time driving not the visit, itself. That's a l-o-n-g time to be on the road when you get up at 5:30 a.m., especially. Everyone thinks they can do it - until they can't.

Before I retired, I did home visits with students and families in my teaching capacity and, because some of my students lived hours away, I'd try to cram too many visits into a single day and end up driving home many hours later after dark. It only took ONE time of dozing off and snapping awake to see my car drifting into the next lane to make me change my ways.

It has less to do with age than with the mental impairment that gradually occurs as we become fatigued. People also drive after drinking a moderate amount thinking, "I can handle this" - until they can't - and they injure or kill someone else or themselves.

Maddyone has already said her husband refuses to go with her and stay a few nights.
I wouldn't expect her to do all that travelling and sharing the driving in one day. When we drive from Holyhead to Brighton we do two overnights.

What’s your problem? He’s happy to do it amd it’s only 3 times a year. His parents are very old and must look forward to such visits.

Yes YABU

I'm also wondering why you don't go, surley your in laws would like to see you too.Why don't you turn it into a bit of a holiday, book into a nice hotel, for a couple of days, you could see the in laws for a short period over two or three days then .Sounds to me like he's just going out of duty and wants it over with as soon as possible.Good luck, hope he changes his mind, as he gets older this isn't going to be a good idea.

I'm 70 and regularly drive 13 hours at a stretch to visit DD. But having said that, I do it in one go with just a lunch break, and after leaving at 5am I'm there for dinner at 6-30 pm.

However I wouldn't be so keen to do two longish drives in one day with a parental visit in the middle, and still driving until about midnight.

Why don't you go along and share the driving ?

I'm 67 still driving articulated lorries ,10 hours driving in one day is the maximum legally, spread over 15 hours ,its tiring so 18 hours is a bit much

I don't see a problem. Your DH seems to be quite capable of the trip and having done it often is one he is obviously comfortable with. It is basically two four and a half hour trips with a break in between. What would he be doing in the time he is with his parents?

I’m wondering why you don’t visit your in-laws maddyone. Have you never gone? 500 miles in one day is a lot of driving no matter the age of the driver. . I think whoever was to be visited we would both go, share the driving and factor in an overnight stay if possible. When younger we may well have done it in a day, certainly not now as it simply would feel unsafe. So, no you aren’t being unreasonable to be concerned. In your shoes I’d be inviting myself along, sharing the driving and turning the trip into a pleasant overnight stay.

Do you drive? If you did half the driving, the problem would go and, although sitting in a car for so long isn't exactly thrilling, it isn't too bad.

I suppose it depends too on how you feel about your in-laws. Do they mind that you don't go.

I would find what your husband does too much for me but we're all different.

Sounds too much in one day to me.
My husband has done that before but very rarely and he is 59.
We tend to do a stop over if we have to go a long way

I would be very uneasy about it, even more so because he'll be driving alone.
Sometimes someone who is losing concentration doesn't even notice it themself.