Friend betrayal

Not to everyone's taste but to each his own and friends are but friends and if you wish to keep it that way then do yourself a favour don't offer them a job.
I learned the hard way in what I believed was giving my friend ? the chance of an excellent opportunity that had arisen in the company I worked for. She did not get the position which she blamed me for . Needless to say we did not remain friends.

That is nonsense twiceasnice any colleague can assist another colleague with drafting responses to disciplinary actions regardless of title.

There are always two sides but I would just ignore this woman until her contract ends, do not renew it and do not see her again outside work. Some people thrive on drama and it would seem she is just trying to fuel the flame. Hopefully the disciplinary is now out of the way so you can move on.

There is a difference in supporting a colleague ie giving some sympathy and drafting letters . This is not a counsellors job and is completely over stepping boundaries. As a counsellor her role is completely for clients and not for colleagues.

Counsellors professional ethics mean they have to justify their decisions to both to their professional body eg BACP and in a court of law in some instances.

This counsellor should have recognised they had a conflict of interest and advised the person speaking to them to approach another manager or similar support. Regardless of her history with the OP she should not do this sort of thing

I’ve not read all the responses but most of them, and would add that there are always two sides. If you have found her to be ethical and trustworthy in the past maybe you need to chat.
Alternatively, distance yourself and keep longterm friendship out of the workplace. I would discuss with senior colleague but then if you write it down surely she would need to be made aware? Keep a personal note though just in case. I try to WMB ~ Watch My Back. If she has done this be careful.

I can empathise with you. It’s not nice when this happens.
Your consolation is that she is on a temporary contract and you now know where you stand with her. Her contract will end at some point. Carry on acting professional, manage your team with fairness and equity and treat all your colleagues - including her - alike, even though you are hurting from her actions. Oh, the joys of being a manager

OP what does it matter now the damage has been done,lessons have been learnt

Whatever you do make sure you conduct yourself in a professional manner.

I was once in a similar position but I was a Trade Union rep and needed to help work colleagues take out complaint against a manager who was also a friend. It was my job.

I spoke with the manager concerned and we remained friends. Separate in your mind work and friends.

Ha - thank you billaricaylady! I’m so glad I posted - such a great community of supportive and wise people. Some good points raised and great advice x

notanan2 okay your points made stop.You come across really angry.I would like to believe this is not how you really are as a person.

I should add here that this counsellor talks and gossips about everyone. This temp contract hasn’t worked out as well as I expected, partly I think because the counsellor has had own issues to deal with regards her estrangement from 2 adult daughters and grandchildren. Before this work incident, I was thinking how pleased I was her contract would be coming to an end soon

I didn’t hire her as a friend notanan2

Your whole OP is about how you expect her to be loyal to your friendship within the workplace!

notanan2 I don't disagree with you. I didn't mean there was an obligation but it would have been a good idea to refer the matter to a union if the employee belongs to one. Some unions are useless but many do have people with a lot of experience and they do provide some show of strength to the person facing the procedure.
Going through a formal disciplinary procedure is very stressful and people are entitled to support.
I do still think though that it would have been a good idea to be open about the fact that she was giving that help - although it would not have affected the feelings or outcome in the long run.
As am employer, I found that it is virtually impossible to be an employer and friend. As a middle manager it can be even more difficult. I also think that all jobs in the public sector should be advertised and that everyone should have an equal chance of getting them. Then there can't be any expectation of loyalty/gratitude.

So yout definition of "useful" = agreeing with you.. says a lot!

You are on shakey ground here and there could easily be a complaint made against you if you carry on but whatever. Crack on..

Thanks jaycee5. No, she has nothing to do with staff counselling.

If OP begrudges, and seeks to sabotage that employee getting support from a colleague because OP sees said colleage as primarily her friend..

... the employee will have a pretty solid case for reporting her manager for bullying. And rightly so IMO

I didn’t hire her as a friend notanan2, I hired her because she had work history with my workplace and was experienced counsellor. She happens to be a friend too. When this temp position came up, I thought of her immediately given the above. I dont think you have anything useful to add to the conversations, unlike the many other wise and kind posters.

She should have referred the employee to her union if she has one but it is possible that there was no other help available.

There is absolulely zero obligation, moral or professional to do so. Employees going through disciplinary action are actually entitled to have colleagues sit in and be involved in supporting them. It does not have to be someone with an official union or staff support role

And from a management point of view. You are being extremely foolish and making yourself vulnetable to recrimination if you seek to take support away from someone you currently have going through a disciplinary process!

Surely you know this as manager its 101

You are being a total hypocrite if you think there is no conflict with you managing mates but she shouldnt support mates with disciplinary matters 'cause "conflict of intetests".

The only conflict of interest here is you expecting the people you manage to be loyal to you at the exclusiom of each other.

She may have seen it as helping someone deal with a stressful system rather than it being against you personally. She has not dealt with it well as, rather than asking you if you wanted to discuss it, which she should have realised that you cannot do as it presumably involves confidential personnel matters, she should just have said something like 'I think that I should tell you that I am helping X with her case'. You could then have discussed it with her as a general policy issue.
You won't be able to stay friends with her and you have obviously now made that decision.
You need to be careful how you handle it internally as any comments you make could be misconstrued and used against you. Is it any part of her job to counsel staff? If it is, then to some extent it depends on how close your friendship is but she may have felt that she could separate her professional duty and your friendship. I think that she made the wrong decision but some people compartmentalise things more than others. It is possible that she was being disloyal, even spiteful. It is also possible that she thought this employee needed helping in standing up to the department and that she should do that. She should have referred the employee to her union if she has one but it is possible that there was no other help available.

Thank you Cabbie21 good points. The counsellor is actually very friendly with the staff member, the staff member actually visited her at home, outside work hours.

Colleagues CAN AND SHOULD support each other. As a counsellor (by trade) she would be an obvious choice.

You cannot tell your staff that they are only to care for patients and not for each other!

Thank you operalover.
There are some very wise and kind people on here, thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. I feel much better and clearer on what stance to take now

I don’t think we know enough about the roles and the dynamics of the work set up to judge. If the friend was acting in her role as counsellor then did she not have an obligation to support this colleague?
Support does not necessarily mean taking sides.
For example, as an advice worker I sometimes support clients by drafting letters in a work grievance situation. That doesn’t mean I am taking their side against their manager.
The careers in the Home where my sister lives support her, but they support other people too.
I don’t think we know the full story.