Friend betrayal

Friend is not a staff councellor.

Plenty of people object to certain unions for political reasons. Those who are members: a branch is only as good as its reps/members.

Employees are allowed to have non union support from other colleagues.

Since the "disagreement" INVOLVED the OP/manager, the employee may well feel unable to go "up" for support in the issue. So seeking it from a side-line colleage may be wholely appropriate.

If this person is the team counsellor and that is her role then staff will each have the opportunity to get her advice as she is a professional who knows how to help people explore what their problems are and who will help them write it down. She was probably just doing her job.

At work in a line management system you cannot refuse to carry out your role because you are friends with the team's line manager and don't want to offend her.

If i was the team leader in this position I would get advice from human resources as to the best way to proceed. Hopefully after the letter, your friend the counsellor is not involved. Possibly HR could advise the person complaining to get help from their union rep in writing letters rather than a team member because HR could say that it doesn't help morale or team spirit to discuss grievances in this manner. If HR agreed that your friend was acting outside her role then this is a matter could could discuss with her in supervision.

hopefully you will be able to resolve this.

Depends on the matter on question. On an objective level, she may have thought the incident was serious enough to help someone in need. The fact that she was a friend of yours is the main factor in your feeling that she overstepped the mark by helping the person by writing the letter. I completely understand that. If I were you, I would ask her why she did it, give her a chance to explain otherwise you're resentment will simmer and show within the team. However, I personally wouldn't be able to trust her and keep a professional relationship from now on, but watch your back too. Oh the joys of being a manager. Good luck!

I agree with the OP's reasonable assessment: Her employee/former friend's actions did not appear to be impartial and unbiased as they should have been. Her actions undermined OPs leadership (in good faith or not).

So we can all share our differing individual 'takes' about what a Counselor should and shouldn't do, and workplace rules differ from place to place and to varying degrees. The important issue here is workplace politics. It is the one constant which can be a potential minefield.

For that reason, I'll stick to my original advice which is for OP to let this one go, but to proceed with extreme caution going forward.

I once got a job partly because a manager there knew my work from a previous employment.
In that job, I helped a colleague who was in dispute with their manager.
If the manager concerned in the dispute had been the same one I knew previously, I would still have helped the colleague because they were being treated unfairly.

It doesnt actually matter whether the employee is in the right or in the wrong they are still entitled to a fair process. And since the grievance is between the employee and the manager it is not only unprofessional but also harassment/bullying for the manager to want to limit who supports the employee.

Basically, friend didnt run into managers office and blab that the employee was writing a letter in defense of the disciplonary re disagreement between manager & employee spilling all juicy details of employees defense and claims to the manager thus f***ing up employees chance of having any sucessful come back against mamagers accusations.

That would have been WRONG.

she approached me and told me she had heard about the incident etc etc - very dishonest of her. it was honest enough. She let you know that she knew without breaking the confidences of her other colleague. Not THAT much of a gossip then...

Disciplinary matters concerning individuals on my team have nothing to do with her. colleagues are allowed to share these things with each other and support each other. You hired her but you dont want the team to see her as one of them?

She is a temp contractor and is in my team purely to see patients. wow! Says a lot about OPs view of the team!

I would like to confront the friend but I will break a confidence if I do. I promised the person who told me I wouldn’t say a word.

What a way to run a team huh? Sounds more like a playground.
I think OP wanted the friend to gossip in her direction about the team and is miffed she isnt doing that.

A Counselor's role is to listen and to mediate in everyone's best interest (presumably) to avoid negative workplace repercussions and potential litigation.

She is not a staff councellor or mediator. She did not "council" either party. These are her colleagues not her patients

She's not supposed to 'draft' adversarial letters for aggrieved employees against her own manager. You could file a complaint with HR
No she cant, not without looking vexatious. HR will have no problem with an employee helping another employee draft a latter. IN FACT it protects HR and management if the employee under disciplinary has had support to get fair process

mmm curiouser and curiouser......a counsellor who talks and gossips about everybody and yet is initially thought of as an ideal employee.
Well quite! I wonder if this is another way of saying that the OP is vexed that this hire didnt turn out to be the ally/spy on the floor she was hoping for, and OP is vexed about how friendly and chatty the friend got with her other colleagues. Especially with the OP having "disagreements" with her team and her team making complaints about her. The rest of the team probably dont see the friend as a nasty gossip otherwise they wouldnt be turning to her for help! I wonder if "loves drama & gossip" = fitted right in with the team and they chat to her a lot and she is interested in them.

OP is having problems with team management so I wonder if that motivated her to head hunt someone who she THOUGHT would fight her battles, but who instead became a liked and trusted member if the team that OP is having problems with?

Mmmmm, difficult one really. As a retired Practice Manager I do understand your dilemma. However, in our practice it was normal for staff to have the option to chat to our counsellors if they felt they had a problem at work. The partners actually encouraged it and said that, as a team, we are all there to support each other. Who approached who I wonder?

Exactly notanan2! Emm14 is being very unprofessional and unwise in her reactions - also posting on here. Meg54 is quite right in that it should be deleted.

mmm curiouser and curiouser......a counsellor who talks and gossips about everybody and yet is initially thought of as an ideal employee.

Did the subject of professional boundaries and being a good team member come up at her interview?

To some, it may appear that she was hired as a 'friend' when in fact, she was highly recommended (with right skills and experience) by the OP herself! So, friend or no friend, conspiring behind your manager's back with another subordinate is not the way to go, much less if that manager happens to be the one that got you hired!

Emma, your so called 'friend/employee' was never a good fit. Why? Because she behaved unprofessionally. She may not have to be your friend in the workplace, but she does owe loyalty to the company she works for.

A Counselor's role is to listen and to mediate in everyone's best interest (presumably) to avoid negative workplace repercussions and potential litigation.

She's not supposed to 'draft' adversarial letters for aggrieved employees against her own manager. You could file a complaint with HR, but such things tend to go sideways and there are never any winners.

I would put my own personal feelings aside. Why? Because unfortunately you now have to work with her. Best to play nice and let this one go for now. Barring more blatant misbehavior, be on your guard until her assignment runs dry or your own career takes you to better places (whichever comes first).

Regardless of whether you like the forthright style used, from an HR point of view, notanan2 has got the original poster’s back. As the senior person, you have to be really careful about what you say or do. A conversation between 2 friends regarding loyalty would be innocuous. Between a boss and someone of lesser rank, it can be perceived as something far more sinister. Intent is quite difficult to prove where rank is higher.

I beg to differ, I think some of them have been downright nasty, hardly constructive criticism, if Emm felt bad before, she probably feels twenty times worse now

Oh Sar65 I don’t think any of the posts have been nasty. The OP came for advice. Not a fluffy ‘there, there, poor you’ response which might be uplifting but isn’t particularly constructive.

Surely she will take more in the round from this thread now which gives her food for thought and possibly introspection in a good way?

Oh Emm41 ... I should add here that this counsellor talks and gossips about everyone.

What were you thinking when you told her about the temp vacancy?

You obviously knew her past history.

As you did her a favour, you expected her loyalty.

Oh dear.

Emm

Well if you hoped for a bit of understanding or empathy, you have clearly come to the wrong place.

I am staggered at the nastiness in some of these posts, You have a right to feel hurt, horrible to find you can’t trust someone you considered a friend

i would ask her ,why she went behind your back..but than again you have to treat all people as equal. you invited her to take the job ,why? surely it should have gone through the interview progress........maybe she needs to see a counsellor.... end the friendship .although you have to work with her. who knows she may move on..

Manager has disagreement with employee
Disagreement escalated to disciplinary
Employee seeks assistance with their case
Management starts questioning other members about staff about whether they are assisting employee, perhaps even warning others not to help employee.

This will not end well for manager!

I wonder if your friend was asked to help at first as she knew you an could give appropriate advice. It would seem so innocent initially.

It is easy then to appear partisan without any intention of getting involved directly - bad judgement but may be nothing more.

Just ask her, in passing, what she feels her involvement has been, as you have been worried by the situation.

I wouldn't judge before hearing how she has been involved and how she feels. You are in a position to do things this way.

I think that is terrible advice. Management cannot tell employees that they cant talk to each other about management.
You also cant tell employees that they cant be friendly with each other and do each other favours!

There is no reason for the friend to be "given the chance to clear their name"

The OPs feelings/problems about what happened are personal not professional

Talk to her - whoever told you that she'd supported the misbehaving member of staff may not have told the whole story. It could save you and her much grief and the loss of the friendship , if you can tell her calmly what you've been told, ask her if this account is correct , and take it from there. If she says 'yes' it is what happened, you can calmly tell her how you feel about it and what you want from her now. E.g. you may say you expect her to keep personal and work issues apart and never to talk to other staff about you - come to you directly if she has any concerns. At the moment you haven't given her a chance to 'clear her name' and it feels bad for you and probably for her too - she will not be immune to your changed attitude. She may have done what you've been told! and I understand your distress, but take a step towards giving her a fair hearing and I think you will feel a lot better, whatver the outcome.

People never cease to amaze me, how they betray you and turn their back on you. Sadly, it's very often the very people that you have been there for and supported, sometimes through difficult times. It's very hurtful and just makes you feel used and abused. The old saying "What goes round, comes round" springs to my mind more and more often, I'm afraid.