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Friend betrayal

(7 Posts)
Kisathecat Thu 01-Aug-19 13:50:29

I have a friend who tells me that I’m the only person she can really trust and says I’m her best friend....however there is one person in the entire universe, who is my nemisis and this person who I don’t want anything at all to do with because of very serious false accusations she made about me and my family amongst much more bitchery, my best friend is schmoozing her and arranging meet ups. And she knows the whole story. My inclination is to drop her like a hot potato. I mean, my feelings towards her have changed dramatically since I discovered this and there is no question that I have got it wrong. AIBU to drop and move on? I mean to me it’s very clear but I’m just curious what other people think. Because I do have a bit of a habit when it comes to fall outs.

Merseybelle2 Thu 01-Aug-19 14:02:13

If your best friend is going to be best pals with someone who has done you serious harm in the past then I think your friendship has come to an end. If she knows the whole story then she is being incredibly disloyal and disrespectful by her actions. There’s no need to confront her or call her out on it but I would distance myself from her. Since leopards very rarely change their spots probably in time she too will discover for herself this person’s true character. It’s always sad when friendships end but the alternate in this case is the likelihood of private conversations being passed on and more trouble being caused. Just become too busy and cultivate new friendships. Try not to worry and don’t rehash the past. Waste not fresh tears over old griefs, as the saying goes. Best wishes.

SalsaQueen Thu 01-Aug-19 16:53:56

I'd say stop all contact with her, tell her nothing, and don't answer her calls, texts or emails.

I feel exactly the same way at the moment, with a so-called friend/colleague. Thanks to her, I suddenly feel I cannot trust anyone other than my own immediate family.....but then I do have depression and anxiety (and was doing extremely well until a couple of days ago when this woman started something).

Sara65 Thu 01-Aug-19 18:11:36

I was in the opposite situation, I had a friend for years, she was recently remarried, and she told me terrible tales about this awful family, who had treated her husband so dreadfully, turned their backs on him in his hour of need, she clearly hated them, I didn’t know them at all, so I’d just sort of agree.

Then by a very strange set of coincidences, I became good friends with a girl, only to discover she was married to one of these dreadful brothers. It did make me withdraw a bit, but I realised that I liked her, and as far as I could see, she was a good person

Thirty years on, we are still really close friends, her husband is a genuinely decent man, my friendship with my original friend fizzled out, her choice

What I’m saying is, people see different things in different people, maybe they just hit it off, sad for you I know, but not necessarily done out of unkindness

Kisathecat Thu 01-Aug-19 20:59:46

Nice perspective “Sara65”. I must admit there are aspects of the two of them that are similar, but I don’t think it’s a relationship that will bring much in the way of positivity to the world. They both have a very nasty streak. Unfortunately it was done out of unkindness because I had recently set some boundaries with her and she didn’t really like it.
“SalsaQueen” sorry to hear that you are having similar. But the way I see it is I’ve been given a lesson in spotting a cf from a mile away, and I’ll make better choices of friends in future!
And thanks “MerseyBelle2” for the very good advice which I’m going to follow, the way of least drama.
Thank you all for taking the time to reply, it is so appreciated.

Sara65 Thu 01-Aug-19 21:40:52


It sounds in which case, that it’s best to wish them joy of each other, and walk away.

Namsnanny Tue 06-Aug-19 15:23:43

Merseybell and sara....good post! Both make very good points smile

Kisathecat...I’d be too afraid of stirring to stay friends, quietly move on. [ shamrock] good luck