Apologies, thus may be long. My MIL passed away last year after several years of illness. We were so close and we miss her terribly. It was a difficult time and my DH suffered a breakdown due to his grief. My FIL is also understandably devastated. However, he acts like he is the only person who lost her. He did not acknowledge my DH struggle at his health issues nor losing his mother. My FIL worked away from home for his career so my DH was raised by his mother and only got to know his DF as an adult after he retired. My DH although mid 40s now strives for acknowledgement from his DH. He is very hands on in helping his DH during this period of grief. He takes him out and my FIL has spent all holidays staying with us including my MILs first birthday after she passed. We have barely had any family time that does not include him as my DH wants him to feel included and tries to minimise his loneliness. We live 3 hours away so when he visits he stays with us. My AIBU is, he is a very difficult man. He criticises my DH constantly and also my DC. He has also recently started to criticise me. He is extremely pass remarkable on our home, life choices, even the food we make whilst he stays. As time goes on this ya getting worse. Think MIL kept him in check and more than made up for him with her warm, generous personality. It’s got to the stage where we are dreading his visits. The kids have noticed. He now expects all of our holidays should include him (summer, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, mis term breaks). We have set a president in this first year that he wants to continue. My DH feels that we should still include him despite his terrible attitude. On his most recent visit I pulled him up on all of his comments. It was like being on edge the whole time. He’s very wealthy but expects to be treated and entertained the entire time. Every morning he gets up with “what are we doing today?”. It’s exhausting and is ruining our quality time with our children. My DH is very like his mother which is why I love him so. His generosity is boundless. But he ya recovering from a bad mental health episode and needs support, not criticism. Incidentally when my DHs grandparents were elderly his father did nothing to help them stating he had his own life to live.
He is due back to stay in a few weeks and I am dreading it. He now also wants ya there for Halloween mid term and has invited himself to ours for both Christmas and new year. My DH has a brother close by but he only covers practical duties. Shopping, small diy jobs. He has insulted his wife so much that she doesn’t see him and he’s not welcome in their home anymore. Help me cope?
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