Dealing with Intrusive people

I have several health issues I don’t mind close friends asking me how I am: but certainly not ppl I don’t really know,I have good n bad days like most with health conditions I go out when can and stay in when don’t have the energy to do things, I don’t want to be defined by my illnesses, and would rather talk about anything other than how I’m coping to be honest

Judy , I had and still have a serious health problem. This meant I missed ten months of work, and I can't tell you how bad it was when I went back. People wanting to know what medication I was on, watching to see if I put on or lose weight, but the worst was a breach by work of leaving absence forms in full view with private health stuff on it, at the time I was too ill to care.
But just to give you a laugh, I have my shopping delivered, and to be honest it's been a struggle as there are no bags, I have to get down to floor level, lift stuff out of crates and put away. My sister encouraged me to put a note on the delivery request asking for help by putting things out of the crate and into my own 'Trolley' bags so I can drag them in , less bending. I did this but just put down another health reason. Well the driver turned up, very helpful but at the top of his voice asking how I had the problem and what had I been doing to myself and was I off work etc etc. Although I hadn't put down my real health problem (Thank goodness) it was still intrusive. As you said, you can , if pushed talk to family and friends, but you don't want to discuss very personal issues with all and sundry, I know people are concerned and that's really lovely, if they do a cheery 'How are you or do you need any help' As for going further and asking the ins and outs and medications, treatments etc, that is just nosiness in my opinion ! I think you have to be ill first before you know how to treat others that are in the same situation !! However, not to tar all with the same brush, some people are respectful and concerned, so there's still hope for us all !!! Hope you feel better soon .

I too have many health problems and live in sheltered housing, they h ave things like coffee mornings etc which I used to attend but do not now. If I meet up with anyone, which isn't often as I am almost housebound now, I just say 'How long have you got? when they ask . I have just found out though a very long time friend who also now lives in the same building and does attend all the meetings/get togethers tells everyone all about everything that is wrong with me, what the hospital says, what I can and can't do, even what meds I am taking. So now I have stopped telling her anything

I avoid the ones who have also had what you’ve got, only twice as bad!

Difficult - if the other suggestions don't cut it 'It's a bit embarrassing to explain' SHOULD shut them up.

Sometimes even "how are you" is too much. A friend (male) round for a cup of tea after an op gave us the most graphic description of his op and treatment we could wish for. That'll teach us to ask!

LondonMzFitz true ???

I find it's usually a precursor for them to tell me how they are, their ailments and such.

You'd like to think that these people are concerned for your welfare. But my concern is that whatever you tell them will then often get passed on to complete strangers!
I had this happen once when I had been in hospital and was quite happy to give the basic story to someone that used to be a "bus buddy" (we used to travel on the same buses to and from work) and was horrified to be questioned on further details, 6 months later , by one of the customers that goes in the shop where she worked! The conversation started off with "A told me that you had been in hospital, what happened?" from a woman I only knew by sight and had never spoken to before!

My hubby has got cancer and we talk to a few people at church about it who also have it. I have learned not to tell other people about it as I have heard some horror stories from them which isn't very helpful at all.

"I'm sorry," with a smile, "I don't want to discuss it." Repeat as neceesdary when they (and they will) continue to ask questions.

With a smile “Oh you know....” but never ever really confirming either way what it is that they think it is that they know!! I’m quite open about things but do like to chose who I confide in, rather than being put on the spot by someone I really don’t know that we’ll.

I guess it is a matter of interpretation of the question - is it intrusive or kindly meant? It is probably best to assume the latter. Nothing to be lost by that.

People are always asking me how I am or how things are going with my OH as it is general knowledge that this year has not been a great one for us. I appreciate their concern.

I usually say I dont want to go on about my own health issues, as people get fed up listening. Lets talk about something cheerier. That usually works.

Yes but what about those people who insist on giving you every detail of their symptoms, investigations and treatment. I don't tell people I was a nurse previously as it seems to give them carte blanche to discuss their ailments.

I like 'about the same' from Daisymae followed up by 'its a long story' from Pinkquartz!
If they continue, either change the subject, or say 'I'm bored talking about myself, but how are you keeping?'

Just always be ready with these suggestions then you wont be caught out.

BTW hope you're on the mend

What are seen as intrusive questions by one person are seen as caring questions by another.

Most people are genuinely concerned but, sometimes ask too many questions. I have yet to be asked about my sex life though, felice!

I don't see that it's a problem if people are just asking how you are. I imagine that they are trying to express some concern. My stock answer regarding my husband is either 'about the same thanks' or 'a lot better'. I can't recall any one asking intrusive questions though.

Pink quartz is right ‘it’s a long story.....’ then carry on with chat about something completely different. If they’re then rude enough to keep asking (and there’s always one who persists), then ‘I’ve already told those who need to know......’ followed by silence - complete silence!

I have been much more open with health problems recently, and have found that talking about it has helped enormously.
But, saying that, when I was a lot younger, I would have thought, ' nosey parkers'.
Both DH and I have been able to talk things through, but with friends, church friends and family, much more easily now.
There are only a couple of folk that I don't open up to.
One is a bit of a Job' comforter, the other, is a real know it all, and I don't like her attitude.
So , as Teetime has so aptly put it, I should copy her example if you feel they are too intrusive.
Wishing you well soon.

I tend to answer with either "it's a long story and I don't want to talk about that now thank you for asking" or "it is complicated and I get tired/upset talking about it can we change the subject please"

I don't enjoy talking about being ill at all and will avoid as long as I can do. Also I think it can be boring for other people to hear the details, or unpleasant.
The origins of my illness are quite horrible/gory/gruesome/ugh and I don't want to talk about.
Sometimes I do glide over it but then I am giving a wrong impression that things are better than they are but it doesn't really matter.
Even if it is a close friend or family they still don't want the details...so think of a short way to sum it up or refuse. "It's complicated and I don't want to talk about this now"

I hate talking about how ill I am and why would I want to be upset while socialising? and why upset them also? So that justifies backing off I believe.

i hope things go well for you

I have only told my good friends about my health problems and they have not spread the news so I do not have acquaintances asking how I am.
I would do what Teetime says and they will soon stop asking.

I would thank them for their concern and say something very bland like- I have a wonderful doctor and everything is under control I just need some space and rest for a while. Big smile and change subject.

I agree with corner. It's best to smile and say, 'I'd rather not talk about that at the moment.' And change the subject.

I just smile and say I’m doing OK and being distracted really helps so tell me about........ it usually works. It it doesn't then I simply have selective hearing and ignore questions. It’s fine to pick and choose who we talk with about personal stuff.