My Stepson is 27. I love him, but feel he needs to grow up and stand on his own two feet.
He has three children from a previous relationship; a stepchild aged 8 (he has been in her life since she was 15 months old) and his biological children aged 5 and 3. We treat the children the same and love them all dearly. My Stepson’s relationship broke up very acrimoniously almost two years ago and the children have been coming to us every other weekend since.
My Stepson leaves the care of the children primarily to me and to my husband. Nothing we say or do seems to persuade him to step up to the plate. He just leaves the children at every turn. With 90% of their care falling to me with my husband’s work pattern I was getting very weary. We both work full time and it’s hard looking after three young children every other weekend for the whole weekend as much as we love them.
The issue is not really the kids though. My Stepson has left yet another relationship and shuttled back to us. It’s been rather rocky and he’s been back and forth for months. We keep telling him he needs to get a job but it’s excuse after excuse and I am beginning to feel more than a little resentful of him. He lounges around playing X Box, chatting to friends on the phone or going out. His room is a foul hell hole. My Dad is getting elderly and frail and needs a bit of support and stays with us as needed. I have actually had to move my Stepson out of his bedroom and one of the kids into the double bedroom as the 8 year old can be relied upon to be tidy and no amount of asking made a difference. My Stepson has three bedrooms and a bathroom at his disposal, doesn’t pay rent or board and can’t even be prevailed upon to keep his room tidy so that is occasionally available for my Dad.
I know my Stepson is probably feeling low, but at what point can we say, “stand on your own to feet, you have responsibilities”. He refuses to house share, but there’s no way he can rent without sharing. I am not a parent, I appreciate my husband can’t easily walk away, but this is heaping on pressure at a time we cannot afford it emotionally or financially. I don’t know what to do, or indeed if there is anything that can be done. Advice would be welcome, I can’t see the wood for the trees right now.
Mamma66 Mon 25-Nov-19 18:40:20
FlexibleFriend Mon 25-Nov-19 18:59:04
MissAdventure Mon 25-Nov-19 20:09:02
agnurse Mon 25-Nov-19 20:21:24
M0nica Mon 25-Nov-19 20:38:26
Mamma66 Tue 26-Nov-19 04:34:18
bingo12 Tue 26-Nov-19 05:41:31
M0nica Tue 26-Nov-19 09:08:16
Tedber Tue 26-Nov-19 11:10:24
humptydumpty Tue 26-Nov-19 11:33:47