Over helpful neighbours

Perhaps the supper time visits is to enable the couple to prep for child's bedtime. Or are they out at work and this is a time available to them. They do seem kindly and hopefully helpful if you had a crisis. You do need to explain a bit about your health, not going into the whole picture, just a you are on strong medication and bt the late afternoon/evening you have no energy. Therefore you can't really entertain particularly a wee one. Your DH also has to take on board your health a bit more and if he is up to it then he can do the entertaining. Is there anyway they could fit in a visit Sat am short visit? They obviously want to be neighbourly but there is a line to be drawn when you can't cope.

Wow this is scary ...dont know what to say .
Esther1 Im with you 100%. On this.
Just explain why you might not be available at times .How are they to know if you dont say they dont know your on pain killers.
Some of the suggestions of keeping them away that have been given are a bit much almost unkind.
I so hope when the time comes I will have these sort of neighbours.
One reason why we seem to have lost the neighbourly love is because of this exact reason .People dont know where they stand and so would rather stay away.
Thus people dead for days before its found out normally by an unpleasant smell

@yehbutnobut yeh but....no but...
Sorry, I couldn't resist!

Some people are too much in your face and then eventually start taking advantage of your better nature. I agree with the first comment. Just say no (thank you anyway... if appropriate). Just because they live next door doesn’t mean you need to be in each other’s pockets if you don’t want to.

"I just don't know how to stop the father bringing his little boy to see me bang on supper-making time when all I want is some peace.
Yes, I know, I'm an ungrateful cow!"

You are the opposite of ungrateful!

You neighbours seem to be people to cultivate the friendship of, and you are allowed a little social lie now and again. When the child comes when he is not wanted tell his nice parent you have diarrhoea. Or ghostly hallucinations. Or say a fashionable expletive he does not want the boy to hear.

I tend to agree with ‘Notanan2’. Why don’t you nicely decline, explaining that you are just not up for it, but, say to your hubby to go ahead and accept without you, as he wants to go. That’s what I do, and it’s certainly not a problem.

You are on morphine 4 hourly because of an accident? I would try to cut that down as soon as possible, gradually. Perhaps alternate with paracetamol. And come off it asap.
I am a bit suspicious of these neighbours. Yes do talk to OH . Put your foot down.

I suspect you've been very kind and polite from day one. When the youngster zooms round & gets too loud you've probably not said anything or else said oh he's fine, because that's what many of us do. Perhaps they've seen news items about the 'elderly' being rejeuvinated because groups of youngsters descend on them? Or could it be that the youngster genuinely likes you both and asks to visit? Let your husband host the visits, it could be that if your neighbours are new to the area you two are a mine of information for them. I really do understand how tiring having a visiting four year old racing round your home can be (especially if parents are being somewhat indulgent & not setting any boundaries, although in fairness you haven't said so) if you are unwell, on strong medication etc everything can get just too much. Could you claim a thumping headache and escape to your bedroom? If they ask how are you today - be honest and reply "I'm not at all well, I'm in pain and I'm just not good company at the moment, most days I just crave peace and quiet".

We’ve always been careful with neighbours, no matter what age. My husband and I both grew up...independently....with difficult neighbours. Our parents found it hard to say “no”, and eventually, certainly in my house, one neighbour would just walk in, shout yoo hoo, and plonk herself down. My parents didn’t want to lock the back door!! Since married, our doors are always firmly locked. We are polite, and chat on the street, but have NEVER let them in. Once you get animosity, and it will come if you’re already uncomfortable, you’re stuck. It may be they see you as possible “grandparents* for their son. You don’t know what their intentions are. Just explain exactly what you’ve said here. You don’t have the energy, and it’s clear they’re going to be lovely neighbours, thank them for their interest, but you don’t want to get too involved, because you are older, and you need your energy for own family. Keep it light, and if they’re decent, they’ll respect you. If they’re not, better to find out now rather than later.

Have you told them about your accident and the fact that you are on morphine, which makes you feel woozy?
Perhaps you could just pre-arrange a day and time once or twice a week for them to pop round and then tell them, when you feel tired, that you will need to go for your rest and leave them in the capable hands of your husband.
It’s nice that they want to be kind and helpful, but they seem to be a bit full-on!

I would leave DH to it, and pop upstairs for a nap or to read a book. Get DH to say you are sometimes tired.

Set boundaries without telling them, kind neighbours are worth their weight in gold ExD1938.

I'm glad I'm not the only one to be a bit suspicious.
I've seen it in RL; younger neighbours new to an area find out the older people and send/bring children around as its harder to turn children away. some of these people are sizing you up to see what you are worth, maybe you'll get fond of the child and leave them something in your will.
it may sound cynical; but some people operate like that.
please be careful. do not tell them too much about yourselves. do not sound vulnerable, ill, weak; these are the ones predators target. mention the expected and regular visits from your own family. any law enforcement connections, or officials, town hall, anything, mention that. doesn't matter if they are a road sweeper, just mention they work for the council. this may deter some free-loaders.
I don't know your neighbours OP, so this is a general warning. but you shouldn't have to feel besieged in your own home. the mistake was letting them in in the first place. just try to be more reserved.
could you get one of your family to be around at the witching hour to repel them at the door. try that for a week. you need to regain control of this situation, to reset the expectations.
don't come across as an easy walkover.
you can be polite and pleasant enough, but keep them outside your house.
I hate to see older people being exploited. it happens all too frequently. even if these ones are just thoughtless, your peace is being disturbed, and your time with your husband, out all day at work, is being invaded, impinged upon.
you have a right to privacy in your own home.

I am suspicious too, had that feeling as soon as I read the opening post, its almost as if they are psychologicall forcing themselves into the home of a vulnerable couple. I was a helpful neighbour to people at their age but would never do anything except offer to get shopping or give them my phone number for emergencies.

My own neighbour here was forceful, I know he is broke etc and I am not. We are still friendly with each other but I will never even ask him in for a cup of tea. We swapped emergency phone numbers but that is as far as it goes. He asked me to have his key, I was surprised but said ok, I think he expected me to offer mine, well no, mine is buried where only I know. He has not passed his key over. Don`t get me wrong, he is nice but I am no fool. I think OP has to be very careful.

ExD1938 I noticed that you said that you take morphine every four hours, which sounds a lot, even if it’s a minimal dosage. I strongly suspect though that it is the morphine is making you feel tired, not so much anything else. Morphine does cause acute drowsiness. There are other medications out there, Oxycodone for example, where you could take the same equivalent dose, which will effectively treat the pain, but definitely not feel so tired.
I have a medical background and personal experience, and I really suggest that you speak to your GP. If he won’t prescribe it (because doctors are limited in what they’re allowed to prescribe), then ask to be referred to a pain clinic. There, they’ll be able to prescribe something more suitable for your pain that doesn’t make you feel tired.
I think regardless of the above problem, it’ll definitely be worth having a chat with your doctor and maybe, get a referral to a pain clinic. They’ve been a godsend for me!

But are they being forceful if the DH is encouraging it?

The missmatch here seems to be between husband and wife not neighbour and neighbour

Whilst Im not discouraging being safe and sensible, lets think logically, say you were a scammer, a relatively young not yet both retired couple with a network of involved ACs GC and local friends do not scream "target" do they? It would be an extraordinarily long game and at that, a long shot!

Im also not saying theres no selfish motivation either: if they do not have local family and established friends like the OP they may want to build themselves a support network. When our neighbours asked us to look in on their animal over the holidays I said to DH "oh good! we can add them to the list when we need someone to watch ours".

Most likely (and with a young child) they want people they can call on in an emergency. Not everyone has that "ready made" via family and lifelong friends. And the OP is not unreasonable in not being willing to take on that role. But if youre looking for alterior motives, thats the most probable one.

I did have a rather insistent set of neighbors once who moved in next door and started bombarding us with invitations to things. After getting fedup with having to turn them down I explained that after a bad experience I never share social life with neighbors as I have found that's the best way to maintain amicable neighborliness. It's true - if you fall out with a neighbor it's really awkward as you have to go on seeing them in the street etc. Best just to keep it superficial, a quick chat in the street etc.

To those kind people who are worried about the morphine, don't be. I was scared silly when my GP prescribed it and refused, so he gave me co-codamol. This didn't really touch the pain so I reluctantly told him I'd changed my mind and would try the drug. I was scared witless that I'd become an addict.
I started off with 5mls and have weaned myself down to 2.5mls - and this month I am taking 2mls. He (gp) is goinis g to start me on a slow acting form which is in pill form and I will just take night and morning which will be reduced to night times only, and then back to the co-cods.
It is an amazing pain killer and I can well understand people getting addicted to it.
All the same as the bottle is on my dressing table, I shall stress to the father that bedrooms are not to be entered because of the morphine and other (non existent) medications.
Don't anyone assume that DH is sitting around the house able to 'entertain' the visitors - he's still working.
I think they are genuine people without ulterior motives, but I could still cope with fewer visits. Perhaps I should consider telling them how tired I get and ask them to come on 'such a day - say Weds' when I don't have as much to do? And other days actually lock the door - we live in the country and doors are always open, also I have adult grandchildren who do drop in from time to time and I wouldn't like to put them off.

Get it.
The only thing that works in this situation is to open up about how tired you get and that you need to pace yourself.
You are so pleased to have met them and how you enjoy their company.
However, you have not the energy you used to have so ... please understand our problem.
Good luck xxx

strong fences make good neighbours.
why leave your door unlocked wherever you live, that seems a needless hazard you are taking.
your GC can still visit, they can knock, ring, call on mobile and you can let them in.
even if these neighbours are only trying to involve you in their family life, that is too much. you don't need it and you don't want it. you have got your own life and want to give your energy and time to the people who are most dear to you, not some random, intrusive neighbours.
protect your privacy. you are entitled to it.
I still counsel against giving them any information about yourselves, esp any vulnerabilities, tiredness, illness.

I expect the dad is taking son out to give mum a break/time to cook in peace. He enjoys calling on you. The invites are a different matter. Maybe they just love a crowd? Plus they may like their son to build a relationship with you. (Good to help them out in emergencie? No Gps around?)

Are other neighbours getting the same treatment?

I do not understand anyone who leaves their doors unlocked. If you are worried that you wouldn't be able to get up to let someone in, you can get smart locks nowadays that you can open using an app or voice assistant. Even if I just go into my garden, the back door gets locked again immediately I get back in.

Why on earth would you leave your doors unlocked ? I think you need to totally rethink your security . Also I would be very concerned with taking morphine every four hours, it's a lethal drug that can cause as much harm as it can be good, please consider seeing your GP to discuss decreasing the dose if appropriate . Your neighbours I think aren't guilty of anything devious, I genuinely think they are just trying to be friendly but it's too much for you and I would explain you aren't up to having them calling regularly but would love to see them when you feel stronger !

Apologies, I see you have already reduced the morphine .