Gransnet forums


to feel a little bit peeved!

(17 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Mon 13-Jan-20 14:15:38

Like most people I try to be a good neighbour, taking in parcels, keeping an eye on property when people are away, watering plants and even taking care of pets. Recently neighbours moved from the main road into the side road where I live and I helped them move.

Today I have found out that they had a combined housewarming/Christmas party to which everyone in the road (all of 10 houses) were invited - except me! sad

Part of me is thinking the next time they ask a favour I should tell them to ask one of the people they invited to their party (although in fact I will probably say yes!)

Maggiemaybe Mon 13-Jan-20 14:22:57

To leave out just one neighbour, particularly a helpful one, seems very insensitive. Are you sure there hasn’t just been a misunderstanding, Oldwoman70?

If not, I think you’re entitled to feel more than a little bit peeved!

Callistemon Mon 13-Jan-20 14:28:20

Is it possible that there was an invitation scribbled on the back of a Christmas card and you missed it?

Hetty58 Mon 13-Jan-20 14:38:43

It could well be that a message didn't get through or went astray. They may have assumed that you knew all about it but decided not to go. Don't jump to the conclusion that you were deliberately excluded!

My friend was very upset to receive no present or card from her sister (who lives abroad) for her two year old's birthday. She decided that it had been forgotten and didn't mention it. Several months later, the sister asked if he liked the toy she'd sent. It was lost in the post!

endlessstrife Mon 13-Jan-20 14:47:08

I agree with the others. Chances are, they did mention it, but you may not have heard/ remembered. Or it was sent, but for some reason, you never got it. Have you got a curtain at your front door? I remember years ago, finding an item of post behind mine, that had been there weeks! If you see them again, just ask why they didn’t invite you, there’s no harm in that. There could be a really plausible reason, and it would be a shame to miss out on a friendship.

TrendyNannie6 Mon 13-Jan-20 14:52:46

I think there’s been some sort of misunderstanding somewhere along the line, quite where I don’t know, but I doubt very much after being a good neighbour that they would leave you out. You could ask in a lighthearted way, did you forget to invite me? Haha !

Jaxie Mon 13-Jan-20 14:58:55

Good advice from TrendyNannie6. I took out a magazine subscription for my brother's birthday. Six months later I asked him if he was enjoying the magazine. He'd never received it - a glitch at the distributors. Surely if you are such a helpful neighbour there must be some such logical reason why you didn't receive an invitation. If you were feeling brave one day you could ask them.

KatyK Mon 13-Jan-20 15:27:27

One of our neighbours suffered a stroke a couple of years ago. His wife doesn't drive and we took him to hospital, GP appointments etc. When he recovered, they had a big party but didn't invite us. Hey ho.

Nortsat46 Mon 13-Jan-20 15:37:39

That sounds unpleasant but I agree, it may be worth finding a pleasant/lighthearted way to ask why they didn’t invite you.

Otherwise, I think this may rankle. I would be put out if that happened to me and would prefer to know definitively, one way or the other.

Then if I had been left out of the invitation deliberately, I would curtail my kindnesses.

Calendargirl Mon 13-Jan-20 15:53:13

Are your new neighbours young? Just wondered if they didn’t ask you because they felt you might not want to come if others are a lot younger? Was it a boozy type party? Maybe thought it wouldn’t be your scene.
I can understand you feeling hurt, but perhaps they find you a bit TOO helpful, and this is their way of not becoming too involved.
Don’t want to upset you, just pointing out some scenarios. It could well be as others have said that your invite genuinely got missed in the flurry of new house and Christmas.

3dognight Mon 13-Jan-20 16:05:54

I would feel miffed too.
But calendergirl has a point with her post above.
Was it that you really wanted to go? If you didn't it saved you making an excuse.

I would forget it, and perhaps step back abit from helping them!

Grannytomany Mon 13-Jan-20 16:09:22

I don’t think it’s worth getting upset about. As others have said, there must be a real possibility that they didn’t deliberately intend to exclude you. I certainly wouldn’t raise the matter with them as I can’t see anything to be gained from that.

I think I’d just carry on regardless but perhaps be a bit less eager to offer help - not sure really. Probably best to let it go.

Oldwoman70 Mon 13-Jan-20 16:53:33

These are not new neighbours, they lived in their former house for around 15 years. They would ask for favours and their children would often cut through my garden to reach the field behind to save them walking along the busy main road (something I was happy for them to do). Maybe they did think a party wasn't my thing but it would be nice to have been asked.

I certainly don't intend falling out with them over this!

midgey Mon 13-Jan-20 17:03:20

I wouldn’t just be peeved, I would be downright narked!

leyla Mon 13-Jan-20 17:10:00

I'd be really peed off. You need to find a way of being able to ask them although that's not easy.

Nico97 Mon 13-Jan-20 17:30:06

I'd have to mention it next time I was in conversation with them. It doesn't have to be confrontational but if their actions have hurt you then they need to be aware. Some people do tend to take others for granted with no accountability as to how they make them feel, which is not on !

Grammaretto Mon 13-Jan-20 19:31:58

I missed asking a cousin to my party last year. I invited her siblings and can't think how she wasn't on my list. She noticed, before the event, and it got back to me. I phoned to invite her and at first she said "sorry but they were busy that day" and then luckily, she relented and came along. I was mortified by my stupidity. We are still friends wink

Maybe you could invite the neighbour to something?