Gransnet forums


Husband never takes my side....

(13 Posts)
GrannyOrNanny Fri 17-Jan-20 20:17:44

I’m fed up...I’ve had to come upstairs as I’ve just had a difference of opinion with my youngest child (who lives at home) and my husband takes HER side. She was rude towards me...and I’m not having it. He’s just the same with anything’s always him that’s right...never me.
I’m not sure how to cope with this....advice please...

Hetty58 Fri 17-Jan-20 20:46:21

You shouldn't really need anyone to back you up. Maybe an assertiveness course would help.

If she still lives at home, she has to comply with your rules. If she doesn't, there should be consequences. What privileges can you withhold to teach her a lesson?

Tigertooth Fri 17-Jan-20 20:53:32

He thinks he's right - You think you're right - make sure you give as good as you get.

AA99 Fri 17-Jan-20 21:22:46

Don't argue about it in front of her. Take him to one side while she's not there and express your grievances to him! United we stand, divided we fall!

annep1 Sat 18-Jan-20 17:42:52

That can be very frustrating. So firstly I would say learn to take a deep breath and keep calm.
Don't let his behaviour stress you..
Walk away from him. My husband annoyed me so much recently I got in the car and went to the cinema.
I'm not sure you can change him. Can you put up with it?

And parents should never disagree in front of children.

Namsnanny Sat 18-Jan-20 18:08:38

hetty58 … not everyone needs a finger wagging. Some times a pat answer smacks of smugness. Things are complicated in rl.

annep1 … Great minds etc., I've done exactly that when I have the physical strength to do so! smile
Depending on the person though, it's not always possible to 'help' oneself by changing the situation.

GrannyorNanny … (like your name btw) Sounds like a long running situation to my ears.

More about his relationship towards you in other situations than just about him taking daughters side.

I sometimes think its more painful when a partner sides with a child. The feelings run deeper don't they?

He should have backed you up. or kept out of it imv.

Try to calm down so you can look at the situation with a little distance. To find out which part of it has hurt you more.

Explore it by answering people on here and try to come to some sort of conclusion, that allows you to concentrate on bits of the problem at a time.

Is it her and her actions/presence that is a problem?

Does he really NEVER take your opinions into account?

Is there any passive aggressive nature to his personality?

Do you have something unresolved in your relationship that might make you or him more sensitive?

I don't know but you probably do, if you think clearly
smile shamrock

endlessstrife Sat 18-Jan-20 18:49:54

How old is your daughter GrannyOrNanny, could make a difference? Have you tried talking about this? Telling him how you feel?

FearlessSwiftie Mon 20-Jan-20 09:34:54

You guys are being cruel, the OP just needs some support and you a giving her a hard time.
@GrannyOrNanny, try to talk to him about that. I know how it feels when you are never supported by your loved once. Maybe an open conversation will help.

timetogo2016 Mon 20-Jan-20 09:44:36

Just tell him to mind his own business.
Don`t walk out stand your ground and tell you DD if she`s so clever why is she still under YOUR roof.
I have a feeling your husband`s a bit of a bully and likes the fact your DD argues with you.
Again stand your ground and don`t walk out as your doing exactly what they want you to do.

whywhywhy Mon 20-Jan-20 09:49:05

I agree you guys are being cruel, back off and stop being so smug! Are your lives any better?

My husband is just the same. I have took him to one side several times in the past and he continues to do it. I don’t have an answer but to stand up for yourself. Is he her dad? That can make a difference. No matter who the parents are then a united front is the way forward. How old is your daughter, she may need some house rules reinforcing.

I feel for you as my husband will take anyone’s side but mine. The worse example of this was last summer. We had a meal with friends and all of the confidential things that I had told her, she had told her husband. Bad move as I will never confide in anyone ever again. As the night wore on she was in a strange mood. Both her and her husband threw back in my face some of the things I had said about my kids. Then my husband joined in against me and it felt like I was being bullied by all three of them. Bad move as I will never speak to those so called friends again! It spoiled the end of our holidays and I will never forget it.

Speak to your husband and tell him just how upset it has all made you. Maybe you will have better luck than me. Good luck and let us know how you get on. Xx

annep1 Mon 20-Jan-20 10:10:16

Um, how are we all being cruel???

Tedber Mon 20-Jan-20 12:01:00

Bit difficult to judge the scenario without knowing the facts such as what both you and daughter were arguing about, IF husband was piggy in middle, How often he disagrees with you etc etc.

Not asking you to 'reveal' all btw - just saying it is hard to tell if you are being unreasonable or not?

Hopefully taking time out and posting on here will have calmed you down and you can go back and have a reasonable conversation about it all. If it is your husband you are most upset with then thrash it out with him away from your daughter. Same with your daughter if she is constantly rude to you. Let her know in a calm way it is not acceptable.

I am sure everyone will know how you are feeling. Think most of us with adult children will have been 'there' at some point. Just be mindful you don't always expect your husband to take your stance if he feels you are being unreasonable with your daughter. My dad ALWAYS took mums side no matter what..... and mums can be unreasonable the same as kids can be smile I always felt ganged up on when it happened.

GrannyOrNanny Mon 20-Jan-20 18:45:53

Thank you to all who have responded, especially the supportive ones. I feel listened to on here and intend having an open discussion with my husband shortly once I calm down.