Renewal of wedding vows - what's the protocol?

It strikes me that renewal of vows is an American custom, but I don't know when or why it started.

Here in Denmark you can choose to celebrate a wedding anniversary (usually the Golden Wedding) by having a short church service of thanks for the past years and a blessing.

Those who marry before the registrar can at any time ask for a service blessing the marriage in church.

If it means something to the couple why not, it certainly isn’t
tacky.

Well, plenty of tacky weddings happen. Everyone has a style that someone else may not like but the reasons that a couple renew vows are to make each other happy in the affirmation of the love between them. It's very judgemental to assume that adultery took place Esspee!

Thanks Espee that's very kind of you to give us your views. I don't see how a little church service to reaffirm vows can be described as "tacky" or lead to speculation as to what those involved had been up to. Each to their own of course but I've been surprised at the sometimes quite venomous posts on this subject which I personally feel is a lovely way to re avow the love between the two spouses .

IMHO - The vows first time around should be preceded with - "I shall say ziz only once". Nuff said.

Renewal of vows celebrations usually spark speculations as to which partner broke theirs.
Very tacky.

I am a civil celebrant and I may be biased but I think of vow renewal as a wonderful thing for a couple to do, however long they have been married. Very often it is a desire to relive their special day in a way that they weren't able to the first time round. It can also be something that couples wish to do after a difficult time in their family - like illness or loss. It confirms their bond, showing each other that their love is still strong. Wonderful!

In some circumstances ( like ones mentioned in this thread). I can see some point. Otherwise a vow once made is binding. If it hasn’t been broken why does it need renewing?
To answer the op. Smart casual and maybe a charity donation if appropriate.

I agree that I cannot see the point of this. By all means have a party to celebrate big anniversaries but that is all . I am still married after 55 years that is all the world and my husband need to know .

I don't see the point in renewing of vows. If you have a special anniversary coming up and want to host a gathering of some sort, thats different. On a sadder note one person I knew told me the couples they knew that had renewal of vows, all split up eventually. I do not know how many couples they meant.

Reaffirm sounds so much nicer than renew !

Oh I don't think so Desdemona, not sure where you got that idea. DH & I had a little church ceremony with just us & our 2 adult children to celebrate 25 years of marriage & to reaffirm our vows to each other. No significant difficulties in the marriage, it just seemed the right thing to do . We're on 39 years this year so maybe we'll do it again at 40.

We renew our views each day by saying I love you and meaning it and by helping each other to get the most from life that we can, also by saying sorry when we've had differences of opinion, we don't need a special fuss made about it. I think Alishka's Dad's idea was lovely because it meant so much to his wife to have her wedding ring blessed/churched but it was done privately and, I think, very romantically, well done that man. Each to their own but it's not something I would do. I don't think presents are necessary, the charity donation box idea is good though. Back to the OP, I think you'd be expected to wear something formal, as for a present, I'd ask "are you having charity donation boxes for the guests to put money into?" or something similar and see what reaction is. As they've been married a while they won't need typical wedding style presents, and you can have too many photo frames despite what some people think, they could end up with 50 of them. I think that would actually be quite funny.

I totally get the idea of celebrating a big anniversary of a happy marriage but would never re-take vows which, in my opinion were taken for life.

I think that’s called ‘I’ve had enough of the sight of you, I’ve started divorce proceedings’ Hetty!

My DS and DIL renewed their vows a couple of years ago. The reason was that very sadly my DIL’s brother in law died on the morning of their wedding. As everything was planned, people were staying at the country house where the wedding was taking place etc they went ahead on a very sad day. As you can imagine their anniversary held sad memories for everyone, hence the desire to renew their vows and have a different day to celebrate.

Renewal of wedding vows normally means there have been problems in the marriage, from what I have observed from people who have done it.

If the cells in our bodies are replaced in seven years - shouldn't the 'new' person have a say in who they live and sleep with?

SirC, 'do vows expire?' - if only (I really think they should)!

@52bright - it was just the two of them, I believe. We three children were living on different continents at the time

I can understand a couple perhaps returning to a church on a big anniversary just to mark the day but these big dos sound more like a Disney production.

Given that "renewing of wedding vows" is some new phenomenon seemingly borne out of popular culture, unlike the actual wedding ceremony which has been around in some form since the beginning of time, I imagine any procedure is made up on the hoof by those throwing the bash. Who knows, it's not like a member of the older generation could be consulted on such a matter, because they, like many of us, wouldn't understand why anyone could be bothered with, what is essentially just an excuse for a party.

Vow renewal usually means one of the couple has cheated. Vows are for life with no expiry date!

Wow Alishka, that's the most lovely renewal of vows ceremony I've heard of. Your dad is a star to have arranged that, even to ensuring she had her posh frock on. Was it just the two of them or were other people there when she arrived? Either way that is lovely.

Thanks for helpful thoughts. It's in an Abbey followed by a do at their house so I guess it's very smart dress and, as you suggest, a small present. Glad I asked you!