Touching other people's babies

welbeck, absolutely spot on.

Young women are getting it from all sides.

I remember having my cheeks pinched as a child by a particular friend of my grandmother's. It was not pleasant. I did not like 'Auntie Gladys'! I fuly agree with teaching children that their body is their own and they can/ must say no to being touched if they feel uncomfortable. However a friend/ neighbour of the family gently stroking a cheek of a 10 month old child that she has met a few times does not feel unreasonable. If she was picking the child up or kissing him I can see a parent may have every right to feel concerned. How are children to develop social skills, what they do and do not like if they are not able to experience, reasonable natural human interactions?

@Lucca Herpes can kill a newborn. Even without a cold sore being physically there you still shed the virus. Why are you so insistent on giving your grandkids lifelong herpes. I don’t understand

I do find all the reasons given as to why touching is "normal" all rather depressing.

I found it very annoying 40 plus years ago when my children were (as it seemed to me) prodded and poked by all and sundry including my otherwise lovely neighbours. Why are those of us who found it unnecessary and invasive still being ridiculed, accused of lacking feelings and withdrawing from the community?

I really thought the world had moved on since then.

Nansnet This is what the OP said: A young colleague of mine with a 10 month old son was complaining recently because her mum's neighbour kept stroking the baby's cheek when she called in to visit

The young mother was complaining about the touching. She didn’t like it. She didn’t feel comfortable with it.

That’s the definition of inappropriate touching.

It is not extremes, it is teaching different groups of individuals with common characteristics that different standards if behaviour applies to them.

welbeck, most of what you've written there is an entirely different kettle of fish. Talk about extremes!

And, janeainsworth, inappropriate touching is hardly what the OP, or most normal folk here, are referring to, when interacting with a baby! You obviously have very different views.

As I said, some people do tend to go a little 'over the top' with their views.

Welbeck
Best post I have read in GN ever.
Amazing

reductio ad absurdum Nansnet

Inappropriate touching, whether of babies or adults, is nothing to do with making eye contact or greeting people in the street.

I agree with you welbeck.

the strength of a person's feelings, call it instinct or whatever, does not legitimise an action that impinges on another person.
some men find an instinctive urge to touch a woman colleague/ fellow passenger/ person they are chatting to in a queue.
they may mean no harm, nothing further than a touch, to admire, shew affection.
now, at last women are saying no. that's not on. don't do it.
but notice there is usually a power imbalance, at work, roles, also most men are bigger/ stronger than most women.
so in the past women had to put up with it, to get by, placate them, don't make a fuss, be polite, don't be so rude as to suggest they were doing something wrong.
now attitudes are changing, thankfully.
but I have been shocked by the attitudes of some older women who are very anti-women in their attitudes.
I wonder if they are they same people who believe their wish to touch babies makes it ok.
I really am beginning to be much more sympathetic to the younger generation who have trouble with older women family members, mothers/ in law /outlaws.
there is a sense of entitlement, imperiousness that I had not been aware of before. I'd assumed the youngers were being unreasonable. generally. now I see more what some of them are up against.

Hithere, I've certainly read a lot of extremes in many of the comments on this post, from both mothers, and grandmothers.

I wasn't being serious in my last post, just merely trying to make the point that, in my opinion, some people are a little 'over the top' with their views on this matter. And there seems to be much scaremongering about the potential dangers of a child being stroked on the cheek/head/fingers.

If we revisit the OP, about a 10 month old baby being touched on the cheek by a grandmother's neighbour, it all seems a bit silly to me. But as I said previously, each to their own.

Nansnet,

No need to go to extremes

From touching a person to avoid a person, there is a huge middle ground there

Everything is normal until you look outside yourself for other people's ideas of normal x

Seems we are fast becoming a nation of people who like to keep themselves to themselves. Let's not even look each other in the eye, eh? Or, even worse, smile at someone in the street, for fear of over-stepping the mark, or offending. And, God forbid that anyone would dare to try to make pleasant conversation, and potentially infect someone with a nasty virus! Let's all lock our doors and hide! What are we becoming?

I think it’s a natural instinct to touch and cuddle your own children. Or your grandchildren.

I don’t think it’s instinctive to want to touch and cuddle other people’s. I certainly wouldn’t. It strikes me as rather odd, if I’m honest.

However, it seems that natural human instincts are being repressed by some, which I personally don't see as a good thing, but each to their own

My natural human instinct when my children were small was to pull away from people we didn’t who tried to touch them! I had to fight that in order to “be polite, they mean well” people. No one, it seemed, cared about being polite to me.

It’s so lovely to see today’s mothers are “allowed” to stand up for themselves and their needs and wants for their children.

I don’t think we needs to worry that the overwhelming majority are not getting cuddles from their parents and family at home.

I’d hate still if after speaking to someone id just met a few minutes Ago, they reached out to touch me! You shouldn’t touch people!

You have yet to hear of babies being harmed by being touched because most people don't advertise that their baby is in hospital, seriously ill. It just doesn't make the news that commonly.

Hithere ~ I think it is cultural, not instinctive.

On the contrary, showing affection, through touch, etc., is not a cultural, or learned behaviour. In fact, it is learned behaviour to repress our natural innate ability to express affection, and receive it ...

Human beings are a social species who require a certain degree of contact with other human beings. It is a natural human instinct to interact/show affection.

As I said previously, I don't condone randomly going up to a stranger and taking the hand/stroking their child. That would be rude, and impolite, and I think the majority of people would agree. However, when getting into conversation with someone, in a queue/shop/public transport, and their child interacts with you, it is a natural human instinct to give a polite little stroke of the cheek/head, or a little tickle of their feet/fingers.

However, it seems that natural human instincts are being repressed by some, which I personally don't see as a good thing, but each to their own ...

I can only imagine that, in years to come, the human race is going to be rather robotic to say the least.

So glad that I, and my own children, grew up in a time when people weren't afraid to follow their natural human instincts. My little grandchild gets lots of attention when we're out, and thankfully my DS & DiL don't get offended by it. Obviously, if someone was to stick their finger in her mouth, that would be unacceptable, but thankfully that hasn't happened, it's just people being friendly and polite.

We talk a lot about tolerance and diversity these days yet it would appear that things that used to be perfectly respectable in the past is almost criminalised these days. How are kids meant to grow up in a society where there are so much that is frowned upon. I am yet to hear of a case of a baby come to any harm because someone touched them.

Gosh..some responses on here make me wonder how the human race survived with all the rampant germs about! (Coronavirus ..I know! but generally... do not actually know the statistics for child mortality due to a stranger stroking a hand.. but guessing it is not high)
Personally I would not invade the space of a baby I did not know but if it was a tot that I saw often then I might instinctively play with it which might include touching. A newborn I did not know & there was an 8 day old in a café today.. I would not touch and would wash hands first anyway if parent asked me to hold it! Once they are moblile they are chewing and touching stuff anyway!

They know it's a no no here and yet they choose to get their feelings hurt. Not my problem

No, it’s really not,

I cringe when we meet Indian people - friends or strangers.
Note: my dh is Indian and my kids look so much like him ?

The elder generation extend their arms expecting you to give them your baby, she just grabs your kid and sits them in her lap, hugs them, say come to grandma.... or at least try - I cut it out before they begin.

The dirty looks I get are very telling but I don't care if I know you or not, my baby is not a toy! Keep tour paws off!

Luckily, the newer generation is more conscious.

It may work that way in India but we are in the US.
They know it's a no no here and yet they choose to get their feelings hurt. Not my problem

No one is suggesting you should walk up to all babies ad Lib and start touching them thats a stupid suggestion
But that does happen

however If I m in conversation with a stranger (sorry some of us do talk to people we don’t know) with a baby who is trying to connect with me looking at me putting its hand out etc yes
If you're already in conversation then you can easily ask

And we wonder why our children engage more with their phones I d rather see a baby or young child touching out to someone than playing with their mothers phone

Oh please! It's not either/or. A sensible middle ground of asking and respecting the answer isnt going to plunge the child into social isolation with only screens for company!

I have to say I do want to cuddle all the babies, I just wait until offered one x

Well we shall have to agree to differ, I’m not a baby mad person, but I do find myself being drawn to them, in future I shall resist.