Touching other people's babies

I agree Hithere. I have no instinct which tells me to touch anone else's child, except in cases of dire emergency.

I'm not sure it was ever cultural in Britain either. It might be called 'invading privacy' or 'invading personal space' now, in the past it came under the heading of over-familiarity.

"it’s almost instinctive to reach out and touch a baby, obviously it’s no longer acceptable,"

I think it is cultural, not instinctive.

during the time my mother in law was in a home with dementia, two of of my grandchildren were born, I used to take them over to see her, and there would be practically a stampede for all these old ladies to get to the babies.

I was as careful as I could be, but they all wanted to touch. I admit I always came home and got the wet wipes out, and I’d never let them eat anything that was offered when they were bigger.

My point is that, it’s almost instinctive to reach out and touch a baby, obviously it’s no longer acceptable, so I guess all of us baby hand holders will have to get used to new rules.

So, the odd cheek stroke, I'd have no problem with.

Great! So you could say yes its fine if asked

Whats peoples problem with asking first?

I would never kiss a baby I didn't know - touching their hand, maybe.

As for kissing grandchildren ... well, I do, but not on the mouth, and obviously not if I've got a cold, etc.

Having said that, I think I've caught more germs from my grandchildren than they've ever caught from me! Especially in the nursery years when they seemed to catch everything going. It seemed that I lived with constant colds and bugs for the best part of three years! Now it's head-lice! Oh joy!

Summerlove
Yup

Hithere I know that.

I’m not sure people who need to touch other people’s babies do.

I wonder if they are the same people who also touch other women’s pregnant stomachs without permission and get offended when told not to ?

As someone up thread said I wouldnt touch someones dog, or cat, or gheko etc without asking first if it is okay with being handled.

Its not hard to ask. For most is the not asking and barging in and doing it anyway that upsets the mums, those mums would probably be fine with it if asked and the ones that would say no will have their reasons

It's ending up all a bit sinister!

"I want to touch the babies"

But they might not like it, their parents might not like it!

“There's nothing wrong with touching all the babies"

But they might not have good immunity or have sensory issues or an anxious mum!

“That's their problem I WANT TO TOUCH THE BABIES!“

Would it physically hurt you to just smile or wave at the babies?

Babies are still human beings. Just like adults.

hithere, the only thing I can think of is that babies aren’t people. They are babies.

I do not understand touching vulnerable people who can’t speak up.

Especially when it would be odd/inappropriate to touch adults in the same way

It's a sad world we live in when you can't show a little affection to your neighbour's grandchild, with a little stoke, or a playful tickle.

But you don’t need to touch people.

That is what we are saying. You can use kind words, nice expressions.

Touching people isn’t required to show you feel affection.

My children might know my neighbours, but that doesn’t give them right to touch their children.

When my dgd was tiny, DS and DiL got very agitated when strangers used to lean over her pram and started touching her. They started putting a blanket over the hood to hide her face, thinking that would discourage people, but it didn't!
Baby is going to pick up enough germs to build the immune system without this 'help' from total strangers!

And you have no call in that matter?

To the posters who think it is ok to touch a baby-
Would you like to be touched (in your face, hand, hair) by somebody else you do not know or know randomly just because they want to show you affection?

Nansnet,
Do you know how many people a young parent can know, aka they "are not strangers"?

Hundreds!
Friends of coursins
Employees at the supermarket she usually goes to
Medical employees in doctor's offices she frequents
Friends of mother's/father's/insert relative here/friend of friends, etc

What if the daughter doesn't like her mother's neighbour?

This is not about having some kind of link to the baby, it is about respecting the parents' parenting choices and baby's identity as a person

Thankyou Nansnet for saying exactly what I’m thinking, totally agree

I think a lot of these comments are completely out of context with the OP, which is about a young mother complaining about her mum's neighbour stoking her child's cheek when she visits. She's not a complete stranger in the street, she's someone her mother knows, and probably she herself knows. It's a sad world we live in when you can't show a little affection to your neighbour's grandchild, with a little stoke, or a playful tickle.

I totally understand people's concerns about germs, especially with very young babies, but the baby mentioned in the OP was 10 months old, probably crawling everywhere and picking up goodness knows what off the floor and putting it into their mouth. Is a stroke on the cheek from a friendly neighbour really so dreadful?!

I think most of us wouldn't condone complete strangers simply coming up to a pushchair and holding hands/stroking cheek, but if the child is already interacting with someone, say, in a queue, or on the bus, I fail to see what harm is done ... germs are going to be on buses, or supermarket trolleys, etc., there's no way of getting away from them, and it's how babies build up their immunities ... by being exposed. So, the odd cheek stroke, I'd have no problem with.

What if my baby is allergic to your hand cream, something you touched or ate (for example, peanuts)?

Babies are people.

Would you touch the mother's or the father's cheek? Hand? Hair?

No, so why the babies, when baby is a minor under the discretion of the parents?

It is so important to teach body autonomy since very young.

What used to work when your kids were babies may have changed now. Living in the past won't help

If I know a person that has a baby for example I see one of my dd school old friends who have slept at our home on a sleepover with a baby I would say hello and look in pram at baby but not touch it directly. If baby was out of pram being held by mother in cafe for exampke and I saw her I might go over and smile at baby and chat to Mum and possibly ask if i ciuld hold baby if I knew mother well enough. I saw one of my dd best school friends the other day in cafe and after a quick chat as i see her around town sonetimes and we always speak I asked if i could have a quick cuddle of baby and she happily agrred and told me her arns ached as baby putting on weight. I held baby and chatted to him but would never touch his face as i know it upsets some parents. I would only ask to hold a baby if i knew parent quite well. Otherwise i might glance at baby and wave to it. I would certainly not touch a child if i did not know the parents. I was at a softplay with my dd and 2 dgc and saw a child fall off a slide and it was crying. i went to ask child if it was ok as no parent came to it. My dd went to tell management as neither of us wanted to risk touching child in case a parent appeared and acused us of anything. It turned out Mum had popped to toilet to change baby and soon came back. Management worker stayed with child until Mum retuned.

bluebelle there are many illnesses where you are contagious well before your first symptom. So you might be feeling perfectly fine when you feel the need to grab some poor tots hand not realizing you were already on your way to being ill. I have no issue interacting with infants and babies in public yet manage somehow not to touch them ??? it May have been acceptable to you; but the world has most definitely changed and I’ve yet to meet a young mother who is fine with folks touching their babies outside of immediate family and with permission.

Keep in mind that family members tend to have the same or similar germs. Joe Public may well have different ones, and may even be carrying bacteria that are quite dangerous as part of their normal flora. They won't get sick, but a baby absolutely could.

Babies actually normally develop separation and stranger anxiety at about 8-10 months old. This is a normal response that happens as part of their cognitive development and is not due to parents telling them strangers aren't safe. In fact it is a healthy sign.

It just all seems a bit petty when you consider the amount of germs they come into contact once they are mobile, especially when they have older siblings.

It’s not petty for a mother to not want a stranger to touch their child.

People can think today’s parents are precious as much as they want, but these aren’t your babies. Would you touch a teenager ? Someone in their 20s?

No? Just vulnerable humans who can’t speak for themselves?

We teach children not to touch other people, why is it so hard for older generations?