Whatever happened to relationships?

* ananimous* Wed 12-Feb-20 10:48:29
I think it a cowardly betrayal to "have your cake and eat it" - Prince Charles and Camilla haven't set the trend, but they helped to normalize it and made it acceptable

I think “having your cake and eating it” predates Charles and Camilla by several generations, if not centuries!

31:48
Maybe try your local U3A

Geneva - how patronising

Not sure it was the influence of tv which caused me to leave my first husband when my youngest was 17. Neither was it another man. It did have rather a lot to do with his unreasonable behaviour though and rather a lot to do with me being fed up with it.

No affair on my side and no affair (as far I know) on my first husband's side.

I am not sure how much an unmarried sixteen year old on Eastenders has contributed in the rise of unmarried single mothers.

What I do remember having a great influence towards the mid to late seventies was that unmarried mothers got allocated a council property. Well it certainly did in the East End of London where I grew up and I know from first hand experience of it happening.

I'm very fortunate I think, I don't know anyone who hasn't been cheated on, but very few who admit to doing it lol x

I believe in actual life the workplace can be the backdrop for many home relationship breakdowns. Modern-day flexible working does mean that employees often have no set times when they are expected home by their partners and that can mean good relationships built up in a work environment can have time to "develop further" outside the workplace.

By example in our own company employees can often work well beyond the expected time of finish on an evening and then go to the Pub as a group for something to eat and a drink. The forgoing has all to often brought about "developments in "personal relationships" and always, given time, problems in a home partner relationship.

Inevitably those problems find there way back to the employer as staff involved in such relationship problems very often begin to lose time or their work while they are there will be effected which becomes noticeable.

I have lost count in recent years of on how many occasions my wife, me or in more recent times one of the other partners in the business have sat through a sorry or tearful meeting with a member of staff who pours out all the problems that an "external affair" has brought to their home and working life. All employers with a sizeable number of staff see the forgoing problems on a regular basis, and it would appear to be an increasing issue.

Sadly there does not seem to be the ability in many personal relationships these days to sit down and talk through such matters even when the welfare of children can be at stake, or the prospect of employment and homes being lost is at hand. The ability to stick together through thick and thin as was the case in my parents days has been lost it would seem.

However, the above makes our modern society much more unstable I feel.

If I were to hazard a guess as to TV programmes causing harm, I’d put things like Love Island and others of that ilk on the list

I think some people just expect more out of life these days than the routine even of a good marriage; some people aren't suited to the life they've set up (but didn't know anything better) and some just get tempted (and may regret it afterwards). Men straying was not seen as unusual in the past (if my family are anything to go by) but the wives had no option but to put up with it (in the 1960's, a woman had to leave her job as soon as she got married - so no financial independence; no wonder so many female teachers stayed as Miss). But these days, women won't put up with it - and indeed, might be doing the same! The one I know was only staying with her husband until the kids were grown up (she got pregnant accidentally, which is why they got married in the first place). She had several boyfriends under the cover of "going to nightschool" and then left him as soon as the youngest was at university. To everyone-else it looked as though they had a good marriage but she told me that being married to him "is like watching paint dry".

Calendar thanks for the memory jog. They really don’t write them like that any more, do they ?

It may be real life, MawBe, but it also makes it seem OK for people. Soaps and TV drama is very powerful and there are people who are totally absorbed by them.
Let’s have some Feel-good TV to balance the bad stories.

Now now three there’s no need to get competitive about button boxes ( but I bet my one is bigger than your two)

I watch TV to be entertained not horrified. I can get enough of that on the news. If the Turners are boring then I'm as dull as ditch water, but very happy to be so. If you haven't already guessed, I've got TWO button boxes!

Yes suziewoosie, I also remember the AA episode in Corrie. Peter was the alcoholic, Ken, Deirdre (I assume) and Blanche all present giving support?! In the course of the conversation, Blanche announced to all and sundry how Ken had been having a fling with a lady on a canal boat, probably amongst other revelations. Peter buried his face in his hands saying “And you wonder why I drink!! “
It was hilarious.
?

M0nica
Very interesting what you said about media folk. Explains a lot! Including BBC left wing bias.

I've met a few TV people and while they were very nice they were what I'd call 'up in the air' - not like we ordinary down to earth types. I wonder if many of them take recreational drugs as ordinary life is not exciting enough for them and this is reflected in their choice of drama.

Coro is nothing like it used to be. There's just one 'raising awareness' story after another. There can't be any more awful storylines we need to be told about.

In the late 80's my children said they were the only one's who couldn't talk about East Enders because I'd banned it. I decided at 8 and 9 they could probably survive but I watched with them so we could talk about it at home, as well as in the playground. It worked well, enabled me to talk with them about all kinds of 'difficult' issues.
I used to enjoy Corrie until about 8 years ago, when there was yet another 13 year old giving birth on her own. Corrie had lost its ability to juxtapose pathos, comedy, sadness etc and become just grim.
I haven't watched the current Split - but yes, far too much focus on casual sex and infidelity. Let's have more plot!

Sadly that's the world we live in and its amazing just how many people I know have or are having an affair.
I believe what goes round comes round.

I stopped watching the soaps years ago. I watched some of the classic corrie episodes and it reminded me why I used to love it. Real characters with dilemmas you could relate to. Now everyone's a murderer or a drug addict or in jail for something they didn't do and no one's marriage seems to last for more than 5 minutes. Depressing rubbish.

Emmerdale, I can barely keep up with who people are currently with.

Murders are commonplace on it too.

Rolypoly55

I have 3 children who have been traumatised by their father's affairs and the effect it had on both sides of the family. My neighbour commented to me the week before our split that she wished her husband looked at her the way my husband looked and doted on me and the kids. Bastard should have gone to RADA best actor I've seen for years ?. Whether or not TV encourages affairs/divorce I don't know, some people just don't want to be with the same person for life. I don't watch these type of programmes, much prefer a good murder mystery or say yes to the dress

Affairs are very common. 2/3 of marriages in the UK end in Divorce. With only 1/3 left, a good percentage of those are unhappy, but still together. So what happens in these TV dramas often does reflect real life!

I think it is funny that anybody would think that the family in The Split have it all. The main character having the affair got more than she bargained for when she found that her seemingly wonderful husband had been seeing someone in the last series and proposition her sister. She's taken him back but she's obviously not happy with him.
If you've grown up with a fairly happy household with reasonably compatible parents, you may think these storylines are overly dramatised but I can tell you from experience that they happen in families across the country all the time and have been for centuries. The difference is, we now talk about it. I grew up with the pretence that my grandfather was my Uncle, at 8 years old telling the Nuns that my real father had died...I was on to my 2nd stepfather with a fair few Uncles in between and we were far from alone. There were alcohol problems, gambling addiction, serial adulterers, etc. From the outside they all looked respectable (even my cousins had no idea we were half cousins), holding down good jobs or having some standing in the community but behind closed doors, wow!

nanamac I so agree re Corrie. I can’t remember when it was but there was a whole episode devoted to an AA meeting which Deidre's mother ( Blanche?) gatecrashed. It was pure wonderful tummy achingly laugh out loud funny. I’m going to look for it on YouTube

Just watched the film ‘A beautiful day in the neighbourhood ‘ with Tom Hanks. It is representative of a more innocent time but is entertaining and well worth a watch. It’s message shows real difficulty in life (and in marriage) but it’s message us one of forgiveness and moving on