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AIBU

Working women trying to look after elderly parents

(54 Posts)
Blinko Fri 14-Feb-20 20:16:31

I was lucky. My employers had a system of compassionate leave if you needed it for these sort of family emergencies. As my parents lived 100 miles away, I really needed it when Mum was suffering her final illness.

The stress is unbelievable unless you've lived though it. Probably many of on this forum will have done.

GrandmaMoira Fri 14-Feb-20 20:10:44

I think many of us have been in this position and it has got worse with the increase in pension age. I know single women in their 60s who have had to give up work and live on benefits to care for parents.
I was early 50s when I was working full time, spending most weekends visiting my father and often childminding. Employers do seem to allocate annual leave and Christmas leave prioritising those with young children and ignoring those with other family needs.

MissAdventure Fri 14-Feb-20 20:09:07

I would certainly support that idea.
My 3 days compassionate leave didn't even scratch the surface of the amount of time I really needed, for endless emergencies, things which I mistakenly thought were emergencies, alongside increasing care needs as time went on.

Beswitched Fri 14-Feb-20 20:02:42

There has, quite rightly, been a lot of legal recognition across recent decades of the fact that more and more young mothers are remaining in the workplace.
But on the other end of the scale this means more and more women in their fifties and early sixties are out working while also looking after aging parents - bringing them to hospital appointments, making sure they're not alone after medical treatments that have strong side effects, choosing nursing homes etc etc etc.

The days are long gone when many middle aged women were empty nesters with lots of time on their hands. Yet there is nothing in place for those who need a bit of flexibility to care for the need of their elderly parents.

I see so many colleagues having to use annual leave every time they need to meet with a social worker, bring a parent for hospital treatment, check out care homes and so on.

AIBU to think that middle aged workers trying to juggle work and caring for ill or incapacitated parents should have entitlement to some kind of special time allowance for certain circumstances.

My friend, who has worked full time for thirty eight years and has no children so has never taken any kind of maternity leave, now finds that while trying to help take care of her elderly father she is entitled to nothing and her annual leave is being eaten into.

She can't help feeling bitter and I don't blame her.