AIBU not to want to look after one year old while parents are abroad for 4 d.

I'm sure DD wouldn't be hostile if I said no- she knows its a big ask and I haven't yet agreed to it - just said I'd think about it. Other GPs are great and really hands-on when around, but live an 8h drive away as opposed to a 6 minute walk. She could ask them to stay as an option, with us as support/backup, which could work, however their work schedule is not easily changed. I will discuss the travelling with them option as well - we are going to have the discussion later this week. Thanks everyone for your thoughts/experiences. Very helpful. I honestly don't think you have to have a 1 year old staying overnight to build a great relationship I'm not worried about that- - the other GC didn't really stay on their own until they were school age, and we do have a brilliant relationship. After all, a baby won't remember who changed its nappy or took it to the park, but they may become insecure and anxious when their primary source of comfort isn't around ( at least thats my opinion and one of the things I'm worried about)

Most children take a fair while to adjust to day care and the fact that they have to do without their mum for the length of a working day, but by the time the wedding comes he will have got used to it.

So that excuse won't work if you want out of looking after him while they are away.

How wrong can it go in the course of four nights?

Children who are helped to cope with change and challenge grow up to be more resilient adults. You sound more than competent to cope and support if the need arises, so it will be fine even if there are odd wobbles.

Good luck!

Another option could be to go with them and look after the baby while they are at the wedding. Less disruptive for mother and baby and bonus a wee holiday for you

I've had my grandchildren stay for a week at a time, never even considered it would be a problem. It's good for children to learn that things are different in different houses, ie in a cot at yours. I think it is unreasonable to demand that your daughter stop co sleeping or breast feeding. She has had to go back to work and if these small things give her the closeness she will crave whilst missing being home with him full time, then you should support her decision. Think of it more as an opportunity for you to develop a lovely relationship with your grandchild and less of an imposition put upon you. It could be worse, she could decide she would rather only leave child with the other grandmother and never again you. Do it with a whole heart and enjoy it, dont set conditions.

I think it’s unlikely that the BF and co sleeping will have stopped in 3 months time. Your Grandchild’s situation sounds like a carbon copy of ours He’s now 18 months , daughter back at work 4 days and still not completely settled at nursery. We have him once a week.I smiled at the sitting by front door bit as ours does that sometimes- gets his coat and goes to the door . No way could we have him overnight at the moment and certainly not 4. Could you go with them and babysit for the wedding? Sorry if someone else has already suggested that- afraid I skimmed the posts

I have to ask how old the OP is.
If you are my age 74, then I would definitely say no.
I find looking after my four year old grandson, exhausting, to say the least. There is no way I personally could do it for four days.
Much too long for a little one to be left that long. I think he will be confused. He obviously misses his mum, as you say yourself. Waits by the door for her return.
I don’t think it bodes well.

Where are the othet GP's in all this?
Would it be better for you to stay at their house where you could take GC for play dates etc with friends?
I'm guessing that for a few of the days won't involve going to nursery
You do need to think carefully about this but its not insurmountable to do it as long as the feeding/bedtime routine in own bed is established

I personally love having my grandchildren stop over. Last week I had my DD's 3 aged 7 & 6 plus their 18 month old sister for 3 nights while my DD went on her honeymoon. The little one is still breastfed, mostly only in the night, but took bottles of cows milk from me. Also she slept in my bed with me, no problems. DD was hoping that she wouldn't want breast milk so much on her return but she was straight back on. I look forward to having them again soon. I want to make the most of my time with them while I still have the energy (I'm 65 this year)

It's not unreasonable to ask if you have looked after several other grandchildren and the overnight stays are part of what you normally provide.

However, you can't agree unless the breast-feeding and co-sleeping has stopped. I know where you are on this as we had my granddaughter for three days a week when DD returned to part-time work whilst still breast-feeding. By 6.30 GD was becoming fretful and waiting for the breast feed and I was becoming anxious for her so we had to re-establish boundaries - there was to be no chatting after work, no shopping - just straight home to feed.

Moreover, you need to specify how long before the wedding the breast-feeding and co-sleeping has to stop because if it's done the week beforehand your grandchild has not had long enough to get into the routine and will have expectations of the co-sleeping certainly.

If your DD doesn't agree than you must refuse and I can understand that she might want to breastfeed for much longer and good luck to her if that's the case - I also have no problem with the co-sleeping either - that's something else that's perfectly natural and healthy although it seems to grate with some people who like to look down on it. In this case, then there's no choice but for you to refuse or to say that you will go with them to the wedding and take care of the little one during the event. That has actually been done in our family and it was entirely unproblematic.

I would go with them and everyone gets something out of it. 4 days is a long time away from a young baby.i would hate it.lots of good suggestions to ponder over too.

I looked after my GS 2 full days per week at same age. At around 4pm he would start saying “mummy work, daddy work” over and over again in tears. We would both then say “home soon” each time. Me usually with tears too. I would definitely refuse and explain the 4pm thing. As much as a GC loves grandparents, their parents are most important people in their lives. 4 days is a lifetime to a little one.

We hired a holiday house for a week near my son in law’s sisters wedding venue and the DD, SIL and 3 young children came to us for a few days. On the evening before the wedding the parents left for the wedding venue and we took over the children for the night and day. It all worked well as the kids knew us, we prepared with toys, food etc so no driving needed and the house had a good safe garden for playing. Everyone was happy and when the family drove home we had a rest! Good luck with your planning.

The care of a one year old is a big responsibility and in my view a one year old, no doubt contrary to opinion, can be unpredictable where words /explanations mean nothing. . It would not be unreasonable to suggest you travel with the parents where you will be able to give the child your undivided attention but should a parent be needed, never say never! this lifts the responsibility /decision making off your shoulders .

OP consider for a moment that the parents might be RELIEVED if you say no!

If some of their friendship group is still child free they might be under enormous pressure to keep doing everything they did before with the group. They might not WANT to go but finding it difficult to say no. "No babysitter" might be the perfect "out" for them!

It is easier with an older sibling I feel (as in LizzieAnne's case). We have had a little one once with an older brother who "mummied" him. It made a terrific difference.

The baby must be able to take a bottle by then.

The other thing you need to consider is if your family are stuck in Spain due to coronavirus? 50,000 in Italy are being prevented from travelling so it would be a concern.

Why not be honest, and talk - talk it through. Be honest, tell them you are concerned about the BF and co-sleeping - and ask them how they intend to work to ensure this won't be an issue, for the child, if not for you- when they go?

I am amazed that people feel they can't talk things through, simply and honestly. I am with Jane10 and I would do it- and enjoy it- but the above need addressing well in advance.

I'd ask the questions re breast feeding etc but would definitely say yes. Its 4 days, months away, you've done it all before. Yes quite a treat for the parents but why not be glad for them??

I'd be very unwilling personally, and to those who suggest weaning from breast and bed in that short time, that will only lead to an unsettled distressed baby if he is not ready to do that. Many babies are happiest keeping going with both until they are a lot older. No reason why you couldn't cosleep though
If still breastfeeding mum will have the hassle of pumping and carrying all that equipment and then the worry of should she keep the milk and bring it back, if she goes down with mastitis she will not enjoy the break and the wedding
Would it be possible for you to go and to be there for babysitting duties when needed? You could even stay on a bit after they go home and have a bit of a break on your own, or go a bit earlier, if you are flexible you could get cheaper flights by going midweek which might make it affordable for them to fly you out. Sounds a win win situation to me

Go on. Give it a go x

I had my grandson to stay for a week years ago while his parents went to a wedding overseas.
He was thirteen months old, still in nappies and a VERY fussy eater, yogurt and Weetabix seemed to be his limit.
He also missed his mum terribly and would go to the front door every day and cry bitterly. The whole thing was a nightmare!
At all other times he'd been happy to come to ours for a day or even the odd overnight but this was too much for him, and us.
I'd say no if it were me, or suggest one of the options already suggested, the best one being you go too, although it won't be a holiday if you're the babyminder.
May is only three months away so whatever you decide needs to be organised sharpish.
Good luck.

On top of the inevitable exhaustion and stress for the OP if the little tot doesn't settle or seems unhappy, there is also the massive responsibility if he should fall ill or even if the OP is unwell. Parents away but in the same country? It can all be put right fairly quickly and without too much effort. However, parents abroad and at the (possible) mercy of a sudden situation which means they can't travel - storms, traffic incidents, illness, strikes, ticketing changes, flight cancellations, port blockades, accidents - could mean an enforced further separation. Can't explain any delays like that to a distressed little child who needs his Mummy. No point in being an Anxious Annie about everything that might but probably won't happen, but that's from an adult perspective. They need to not go/ go and share the care/ or take Mum with them so they can enjoy a 4 day guilt-free holiday.

Last October we looked after our DGD ( almost 4 at the time) and her baby brother (14 months) while my DD and SiL went to New York for 5 nights, as their 10 years since they met celebration. They had asked us months before but by the time it came I was absolutely dreading it! All our friends and work colleagues thought we were absolutely mad! But, you know what? We all survived. DD had stopped breastfeeding and had worked hard to get baby into a good pre sleep routine. DGD often sleeps here so was used to it. Yes she did miss her mum so we made a sticker chart of every part of every day. We took them out when they weren't at nursery to make sure they were really tired by bedtime , even though it was late October and cold. DgD can be a madam and there were times when I felt really frustrated with her. In fact my first ever post here was because of that. But DGS was no trouble. The time passed and finally they came home. Me and DGD made a cake and put up banners and I certainly slept well that night. So discuss weaning and bedtime routines while there is still plenty of time. Then just embrace it. It will pass and even if he cries , it's only four nights, not a lifetime. And there is always calpol'??

You really need a few trial runs very quickly to see how DGS settles with you for say a couple of nights at a time. Or, can you go with the family and look after DGS while the parents attend the wedding. May enjoy the break!