AIBU not to want to look after one year old while parents are abroad for 4 d.

Say no! Our adult children expect far too much of this generation. If the child isn’t invited ...then they don’t go! End of!

I had 6 month old DGD to stay for 10 days for various reasons! Parents the other side of the world. I insisted breast feeding stopped in good time. I had shed loads of frozen breast milk in the freezer. It was a bit scary but she was brilliant. I had huge back up with another daughter living close by. It has given me a lifetime of brownie points for the future and I am so close to her.

Speaking as someone that also breastfed their son until he was 14 months old , your GC will probably only be on the final feed at night now and possibly first one in the morning.
His mum will hopefully be planning on stopping the breast feeding if she is expecting him to be staying with you.
If she has only just gone back to work (however long ago that was) I am not surprised that he is struggling with nursery - he's obviously a little one that takes a while to settle into new situations (as was my son, took him 6 weeks to be happy to be left at pre school) .
I would be more worried if he didn't settle at yours and then asked to have him to stay!
Suggest that you at least have him to stay overnight a few times before you make a decision. Yes, he'll probably get upset and cry but if you set up a routine as close as to what he is used to, either have a travel cot in your room - or ask his parents to buy a cot that you can have one side down right against your bed, and tuck something down the side of the mattress that smells of his mum - an unwashed t shirt for instance, and see how you go.

Yes get co-sleeping & breast feeding sorted ( surely she will want to give up by then or she may be very uncomfortable after a day or 2).
Prepare him well & plan some treats for him which he can be included in choosing & make it something of an adventure.
With mobile phones he can see mummy & daddy & chat to them so it is not as if they are going to be out of contact.
Children are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.

My brother and his wife had this dilemma last summer. They opted to go to Italy where the wedding was and looked after their grandson on the day of the wedding only. /

We had our DGD for a few days at a similar age. If you do have him make sure you get a letter signed by the parents giving you permission to consent to medical treatment incase he needs the doctor or hospital. We took our DGD on a trip to Scotland she loved it.

Excellently said. Think before you have children as they are not a right Dilly

Dear vegansrock you must say no if you feel you cannot do it. Since retiring 1 year ago I've had to lay the law down as my Dil took it upon herself to think I had taken early retirement to baby sit every time some thing happened. It was hard but I told her and my DS no. They were a bit taken back at first but now they also include asking her family or taking time off work. I fully appreciate that parents some times need to work as I did, but I do not feel that grandparents should be the ones to become full time carers for grandchildren. I worked full time at a stressful job and feel that I am now allowed to have some me time. My husband and I cared for our children between us, working opposite shifts so one of us was always home to care for family. It wasnt easy, but it ensured children were cared for. Caring for your grandchildren should be on the grandparents terms and not out of guilt, as we do feel guilt ridden at times. I have seen grandparents trying their best when they themselves really look like they need caring. I love my grandsons with all my heart, but I want to spend quality time with them and not start to find them a chore.

It’s a NO from me.

When will adult children learn to take responsibility and not expect to dump their children onto their parents whenever it suits?

I have a friend that has her grandchild 3 nights a week and days too just so her daughter can start work at 8am.
It’s ridiculous. My friend loves her grandchild very much but the constant care has started to affect her health and she looks much older than her 50 years now. She’s dropped all her own hobbies and friends to be an unpaid childminder.
What a life!

Well said, Dilly!

Tell them you do not want to do this as they suggest.

However, you would be happy to travel WITH THEM to the wedding, at THEIR expense, so that they could know that their child was safe.

Ultimately, they shouldn't have had a child if they weren't prepared to look after it. Parenthood has some restrictions.

I'd normally be happy to babysit at any time, even for an overnighter. However, for four days whilst mum & dad are out of the country I wouldn't be so happy.

I'd definitely suggest going with them though, and I'd pay for myself. That way, they'd be able to enjoy the wedding knowing that baby is well cared for, and not far away. And you'd be able to enjoy the time with your GS without worrying about them being out of the country if there were any problems. Win win situation!

If able to postpone all other commitments for the 4 days, you could consider doing it on the condition that you and your grandson are both happy after 2 trial runs eg. One of 2 days and another of 3 days. I looked after my grandson at roughly the same age. I like a challenge! Mum had left bags of expressed milk in the freezer and he slept with me at his home. Naturally he missed Mummy and Daddy but I managed to keep him happy. However do say "No" if you are not 100% happy to proceed. You must not feel " pushed in" to doing something you don't want to.

YANBU. 4 Days is a long time. If the child was fretting you couldn't unite her with her parents if they are in another country.
I would be worried leaving my child for that length of time at such a young age in case they missed me.
Of course it's lovely having gc to stay but I don't think 4 days is a good idea yet.
Being practical it could be extremely tiring. And you need to ask about feeding. Also your fears about future visits are valid.

don't do it.

I totally agree Callistemon. Its nice when GCs can be comfortable at GPs house but to HAVE to stay for the best part of a week no matter what, because both parents are abroad, could run the risk of making OP "bad cop" rather than her house being an exciting treat for shorter sleepovers.

Fine if it was for a funeral or work. But it is just a wedding. And they both dont have to go/dont have to go for so long etc

Sorry, my DC have lovely memories of my DM.

My DGC have lovely memories of my DM too GagaJo, even though she was physically unable to look after them by herself.

A distressed child left with a stressed grandmother for four days and nights is not likely to make lovely memories.

I think each person knows their limits and want the best for their DGC within those limits.

I have looked after mine but not for that length of time especially for the first time.

There are always going to be different opinions on how feasible the plan is, and that will depend on the various experiences of people replying on the thread Vegansrock. I feel that the bottom line is whether or not you feel that you are able to do it and that you want to do it. For what it's worth I have had my dgc many times overnight and sometimes for 2 nights. I have always found that while they love being here and never ask 'when is mum coming' they are really pleased to see her when they've stayed two nights so personally that would be my limit.

I do think, as a previous poster touched upon, that sometimes some gps are reluctant to draw the line at where they feel comfortable regarding childminding in case of causing offence. If you don't feel that you can comfortable cope with 4 nights I would tell them rather than struggle with something you don't really feel up to.

I think I would offer to go with them. They will need to organise accommodation anyway so I think, if I could afford it I would offer to pay my own 'plane fare if they paid for an apartment/villa big enough for all of you. That way the anxiety of overnight with breast feeding would be avoided, you would have adult company until they set off for the wedding and maybe a whole family day for all of you fitted in. Good luck with what you decide

My comments made in 11.04 posting still stand. Doesn't look like the OP wants to do it.
I didn't mean to imply a lack of love in my other posts just that it would be an instinctive yes from me. I wouldn't have to think about it.
Honesty is the best policy. Discuss it with the child's parents.

vegansrock, the fact you've asked for opinions here confirms you aren't entirely at ease with what you've been asked to do. I see you have 7 grandchildren and I don't see how that can't be a factor. We have six and trying to be fair about how often the children stay whilst parents are off at weddings, parties, Christenings as well as child minding when they're at work, can be a balancing act.
Can you go to the hotel they're staying in? That way you get a bit of fun in the sun with your grandchild and the little one gets to spend time with his parents as well as special time with you. They should offer to pay your costs but maybe you can negotiate on that or maybe its something you can just do, so they can't feel put on the spot,

If this is their first baby, they may not realise how much you are involved with your other grandchildren. It's a big ask but that's what families do xx

I would not want to do it. I would not want the responsibility and it sets a precedence. If you say yes this time what reason would there be to say no in the future.

Vegansrock the fact that you're asking on here for our opinions indicates to me that you're not happy about the idea and you have misgivings, and that in itself is a good enough reason to say no.
It doesn't mean as some have implied that there's anything lacking in your love for your DD or your DGS or your relationship with them, and if you were a 'normal' grandparent, you'd be jumping at the chance.

Given DGS's anxiety around nursery, his age, and the fact he's still breast-fed and co-sleeps, 4 days is too long, for DGS, for you, and for DD.

Personally I would offer to go with them and pay my own way, so that it wouldn't seem as though I was holding them to ransom, if you see what I mean.

I am sorry I am not sure are you saying that he sleeps a night with you?

Four nights sounds like a long time for a one year old.

Maybe a practice run of one night to see how that goes?

I would be concerned. I used to have one of my granddaughters to stay for many days at a time but one time something in her wanted her mum more than anything.
I had to get a friend to drive us the long journey back to mum because she was inconsolable.
It didn't affect any visits after that. Not at all just that one time.

I would be nervous to be honest as mum will out of the country.
I would try it for one night and see how that goes and then decide.