AIBU not to want to look after one year old while parents are abroad for 4 d.

totally up to how you feel. That said I have had my dgd for 2 or 3 days a few times from a similar age and absolutely loved it and would have loved to have the chance to do the same with the DGC who live in Sydney. I count myself privileged to be trusted ! However I’d say off the co sleeping and breastfeeding is quite essential

Exactly Jane10. I think that's why I'm so whole heartedly involved with my grandson. My paternal grandparents adored their grandchildren and although my granny has been dead for over 40 years, I STILL have fantastic memories of her. And I want the same for my grandson.

I'm trying to persuade my daughter to have a weeks holiday and leave darling boy (1 1/2) with me. We'd have a FANTASTIC time.

TBH I would not have wanted to go abroad for 4 days and leave my first child at that age.

Perhaps that's true, for various reasons neither of our mums could, although I know mine would have done had she been able.

Maybe it depends on life experience. When I was 18 mths I went to live with my grandparents as my mum was expecting twins. I loved it and my grandparents. After that we all went to stay with both sets of grandparents off and on throughout our childhood.
In turn, my MiL had our two to stay for overnights and holidays. All much enjoyed by children and MiL. With that experience it never crosses my mind to say no to my DD when she asks if we'd have the DGSs to stay. Yes it's hard work but, remembering the quality of the two way relationships forged in this way I really value the opportunity to take my turn. It's what the Grans throughout the generations have done.

I think a slightly older child would be absolutely fine, but he is still a baby, old enough to be aware but not old enough to have any concept of time.

vegansrock, perhaps you could have an overnight trial run before deciding.
But going with them seems to be a really good idea.

YANBU. You aren't obligated to baby-sit. If you feel it would be too difficult given the situation, you would be well within your rights to say no. They can take the child with and have someone watch him wherever they are staying, or one can stay with him.

There are no absolute answers and only you can decide.
I certainly think there needs to be a conversation as soon as possible about breastfeeding and co- sleeping.

I would suggest you ask if they will pay for you to go as well so you can babysit during the wedding.

There is nothing wrong with grandparents babysitting, if they are in good health and are willing to do so..
I looked after my granddaughter for several days and nights each summer whilst her parents were working.
My mum offered to have my daughter for a week when I was heavily pregnant with my son.
Both times it was no trouble, good fun, in fact.
But you have to want to do it, not be coerced.

If you agree I would have him overnight before hand so that you can see how he goes. However it doesn't seem that his needs are being put first.

vegansrock I think you have to do what you feel is right for you. Some in your situation would think it fine, others, not so much. Stopping breastfeeding /co-sleeping should not be determined by a social event IMO. Would you feel inclined to have a trial run for a couple of nights? FWIW, my DD1 has to do a 1 week residential school trip each year and has left older babies with Dad or me and resumed the breastfeeding when she got back. Obviously expressing while she was away, but not all that often. In your heart you will know what's the right thing for you.

Ynabu to be concerned. You would be unreasonable to set conditions (must be weaned, etc) but I don’t disagree it will likely be difficult and unpleasant for baby and for you. I would go along if they will cover your expenses and babysit while they attend the wedding.

Good Luck! I don't think they have thought this through properly. A wedding abroad is not the most important thing to get to IMO.

Sometimes people are quite glad of an excuse to pull out.
4 days and nights is a long time, especially as the parents will be out of the country.
My DGD became very sick on her first sleepover with us aged 10 months and had to go to hospital.
It would be no from me. Unless of course they take you with them as babysitter?

Tricky one.But I generally think if my gut instinct for something is no there's a reason for it.We had our little DGD for a full weekend when she was slightly older,properly weaned and had already stayed overnight regularly when DD went back to work.Plus the parents only went to the Lake District.
Maybe me but DH and I have had way too many badly delayed flights,and I now never expect to arrive home on time !So 4 days abroad is a big ask in the circumstances you've described.I rarely say no to our DD re babysitting,and I'm sure you wouldn't. But they are so lucky you help out,and do so much with GCs,and will gor them in the future.

I think it's a big ask on two counts, firstly the bride and groom marrying abroad and expecting their guests to make child care arrangements for baby/child/children for what might be as long as four days. I think if you marry abroad, you must expect that some guests will decline the invitation, it's quite a big ask really just from the expense side. It depends on how old and robust the grandparents are, a few days of childcare for a baby/toddler can be incredibly tiring. We have ours overnight fairly frequently now they are children, maybe the odd night when they were babies, certainly not 4 nights on the trot. A very big ask and your anxiety, not unreasonably, is palpable from your post.

It's a minefield really, grandparents are expected these days to play a large part in child care, some are really happy to do that but some feel put upon, you are doing quite a lot already OP. I agree with notanan about the parents "pushing their luck and appreciating what you do already" and as quizqueen has succinctly pointed out when you are a parent "you can't just do want you want anymore" sacrifices do have to be made. I remember having to cancel a birthday week-end away when one of our children fell off a climbing frame at school, we were told on his head, and having taken him to the doctor her advice was, it would be advisable to be on hand over the next couple of days, as it happened he was perfectly fine. That's life though! goes with the territory of being a parent I'd say.

I don't think you're being unreasonable vegansrock. There's no way IMO you could even consider doing so while your GC co sleeps with mum even without breast feeding during the night.

If your D's going to stop that she'd need to be getting on with it pretty quickly so your GC is used too and settled with his/her new routine sometime before being left with you.

As others have suggested, a couple of 'trial runs' before hand would be the way to go if you are thinking about going ahead.

I do think the breast feeding time is a 'put up and suck it up' time for mums in particular. Unless they are great pumpers. In which case, lots of preparation by mum and large freezer stocks of breast milk. But a year old, getting on for 1 1/2 by the holiday time, is plenty old enough for weaning.

I see nothing wrong with leaving children with grandparents. We used to spend weeks on end with my grandparents when I was young and that was 50 years ago. It's certainly not a new thing.

Well I had a 14 month old for 10 days when my daughter and so. In law went on a belated ‘honeymoon’ to Cuba and all was fine in fact we had a ball even though she was poorly for a few days
It’s all personal to you but I wouldn’t think twice to help out My parents helped me why would I not help my children
I don’t share your horror elaine I don’t understand why you would fine it so horrific to ask your mum or mum and dad to have your child I wouldn’t have had it any other way

I looked after GS when he was 6 months old with GD, she was 18 months old , when my DD went to a wedding across the other side of the world, I loved it but the nights were very hard, DH had to take a day off half way through the first week as I was exhausted.
this was 14 years ago when I was much younger. If you are going to do it make sure that he is not being fed at night.
Better still, have him for a whole weekend (2nights) and see how it works out, it might mean that your DD has to cancel her trip at the last moment. But if it distresses your GC it could have repercussions when they return, he might not want to be left with you alone for some considerable time.

If your DD is co-sleeping and breastfeeding I don’t think there’s any way she’s going to be happy leaving her first born for four days (and three nights?). She’ll miss him just as much as he’ll miss her. Are you sure she’s not secretly hoping you’ll say no?

It will be hard work for you and possibly your having to co-sleep too. Unless you’re used to it you’re going to be exhausted!

I look after my 2yo GD regularly and have looked after her overnight a couple of times but there’s no way I’d want to have her for four nights. By the next morning, she’s always so happy to have her mummy back, even though she doesn’t seem distressed while with us.

I’d also question whether your DD really wants to be away from her baby for that length of time. I suspect she might find that after one night she’s missing him badly and won’t enjoy the rest of her trip.

Yanbu

Can they go to wedding and get a sitter there?

Having kids means making choices and not being able to do what you used to do prebaby

I am horrified that your DD is even considering going abroad without a young toddler. Neither of my DDs would ever do that! Older 2 DGC have stayed overnight at mine but together and youngest was about 2 and was only for 1 night - Mum and Dad were having a meal out.
Going with them sounds like a good alternative though. Also if he is so upset at nursery why don't they try a different one or a childminder instead. I feel heartbroken for the baby and could not bear to think of one of my DGC crying a lot of the time at nursery.

I've just read OP again, I thought that he stayed overnight one night a week but realise now, only until 6pm.
So, he's got 3 months to stop breastfeeding, stop co-sleeping with his Mother while getting used to Nursery and then left with you for 4 nights, where he has never slept before.
I can see where you're coming from regarding being worried about how it will 'pan out '.
I was going to say, just go for it and muddle through, exhausted but it's not just about you, it sounds as though this baby is going to be very unsettled being left for this amount of time, so it's not fair on him.
So, the only way that I would do this, is to go away with them and look after the baby for the day of the Wedding and make a little holiday of it.
If no flights or accommodation have been booked, you could share a villa or if it's hotel, just book another room.
Let us know what you decide after your discussion this week.

Quite apart from anything else, I think I’d decline simply because looking after a one year old for that length of time would be exhausting - for me anyway, since I’m an older granny.
I’ve had Gdcs for 3 or 4 nights while their parents went to a wedding abroad, but they were 3 and 4 and therefore easier, didn’t need watching every second.
Still knackering, though!

Totally agree quizqueen I was just going to post the same thing.