AIBU not to want to look after one year old while parents are abroad for 4 d.

Have I missed it or surely the trip is cancelled now ?

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. Actually, I think the parents are being unreasonable wanting to leave their young child while they go abroad. I am the mother of a young child myself, so I can appreciate their predicament. But this is too much. I could understand 1, maybe 2 nights, while the parents had a weekend to themselves a short distance away. But I cannot fathom leaving my 1-year-old for 4 nights while I attended an event in a different country. Nor asking my parents to care for my toddler for 4 nights.

surely they wont be going.
you should not look after the child.
children are great carriers, and older people are at greater risk.
you didnt want to do it anyway, that should be answer enough, and now it is positively risky, all round. they should cancel.

I posted back in February that I thought it might not be possible for the wedding ot go ahead because of the coroanvirus.... but maybe it will be burnt out by May?

otherwise I feel a bit Cassandra like

We had to look after our son and DIL's barely-walking toddler for a week while they were on holiday and though she loved being with us she pined by the end of the first day and kept asking and looking for her parents. We comforted and distracted her and looking back it strengthened the bonds between us. She's now 16 and though we live at opposite ends of the country, we couldn't be closer. In fact, on later visits as a toddler she would cry at the prospect of leaving us, every time. I found it comforted her to give her something of mine, like a pretty scarf with my perfume on it, as she sat in the car waiting to leave. Children do see such things as talismans, if you present them that way. Maybe your grandchild's parents could do something similar.

My friend has found herself in a similar dilemma , though only for an overnight . Baby at 8 months refuses point blank to take a bottle in the evening . My friend is going with the parents to the wedding, but has booked into a B & B close to the hotel. She will look after baby during the day, and mum will pop in and feed when necessary. That's the plan !! He will happily eat finger foods and solids during the day but needs his breast feed at night.

Obviously it's different as it's only for one night, you are in a different situation being a longer trip away. Definitely make sure he is taking a bottle at night, this could make or break the whole situation . Good luck.

Re feeding with expressed milk, is the baby used to taking a bottle? Because speaking from experience it often isn’t that easy at all, whether expressed or formula.

If my Gds is anything to go by, breast past the baby/weaning stage was more of a comfort thing than a source of nourishment.

I'd be worried about saying " no", incase the parents gave him to someone less reliable. I think going with them would be the best option.

Looked after DGS when he was about 8 months for 4 days, he was fine. Then looked after him and his sister when he was 19 months old and she was 5 months old for about 5 days. Tiring, but I coped, luckily they were good sleepers.

She can express some milk, freeze it and leave it with you, presumably. I wouldn't necessarily expect her to stop just because baby is over one year old - my granddaughter is four now and still has one feed a day (grandson made decision himself to stop when he was just about five).
I slept in the room with my grandson when he stayed with us for the first time, so I was close at hand when he woke in the night needing reassurance.

I looked after my grandson 2 1/2 at the time, for a week while DD and SIL were abroad for a week. HUGE responsibility, but d’you know what, probably the best week of my life! Loved it! Sounds like DGC is happy with you, you might really enjoy it,

Sorry to being this up but what part of Italy are they going to?

Because if the situation doesn't improve it will not be a good idea at all as Italy currently has the most people with Coronavirus and some Towns are in Lockdown.

Can't believe it as I write it. It sounds so extreme.
But we have no idea still if this will burn itself out.

I hope you've had the conversation now and made a good decision.

I'm just recalling one hard evening when 2 of us were babysitting several DGC . After a few hours of rocking and pacing the wide awake baby in the buggy, DD phoned and could hear her little one crying in the background so came straight home in a taxi from the hen night. We were both chastised for not calling her back sooner.

No, you are not unreasonable to say no. An unreasonable ask.

It’s so easy, if you don’t feel up to it tell them ! For me, the fact that they trust you so much to have him for four nights, which is hardly a lifetime, it’s a no brainer, so what if he’s unwell ? What did you do when you’re children were unwell ? Stop worrying, make up some bottles and pop the cot in your room for four nights and enjoy xxxx

As a gran who, with the Granddad, looks after grandchildren several days a week may I suggest saying no? We were told breastfeeding was finished except at night only to find out actually wasn't and son's wife was still breastfeeding on demand on days not at work, over 6 months on she's still doing the same thing and I have my grandchild trying to tear my tops off me cos she thinks I can breastfeed her, she's now 14 months old, eats food quite happily but would like the comfort of a breastfeed when tired . I really think saying yes provided breastfeeding and co-sleeping are no longer happening is really risky. If you go away with them purely to look after the GC on the wedding day that's one thing, looking after such a young GC for 4 days with parents away from home is completely different. Tell them you'll happily look after the child once is older for occasional overnight stays but on this occasion they need to make different arrangements. Good luck.

I think the best suggestion is go with them and look after im on the day of the wedding.

I say that because this little lad sounds still uncertain and unadjusted to his mother going back to work. Some children are more sensitive than others and actions that one child takes in their stride another finds distressing and he sounds as if he is at the more sensitive end of the spectrum.

Could you do a dummy run at the end of March. Let hour DGS come to you for the day and then stay overnight for one night and see how he copes.

But my preference is still for you to go wherever they are going with them and just have him for a day - and not for the obvious reason.

I wouldn't take on the responsibility. I am bad enough when daughter only away locally. My granddaughter only wants mummy cuddles when poorly, tired or hurts herself.

I minded my then 18 month old granddaughter for a week while my daughter and partner went on holiday to Spain. I thought “ piece of cake”, she knows me and I know babies so it will be fine. It wasn’t. Because she was too young to speak she couldn’t tell me what she wanted or what was wrong. Like your grandchild goes and sits by the door and you think he’s trying to tell you he wants to go home. Every night when I put her in her cot she would stand up and cry and point to the door. I didn’t know what was wrong, it was heart-breaking. I didn’t want my daughter to worry so I just did the best I could. I’ve had her stay with me on numerous occasions since then, over the last 11 years ( she’s now 13) and we’ve had sone great times. Would I do it again at 18 months? Definitely not.

Vegansrock your idea of getting the other grandparents to stay resonates with me.
We are the distant grandparents to our American GC and on a few occasions we’ve looked after GC while DiL and DS have had a couple of nights away.
But DiLs parents live only 10 mins drive away & were available if we needed them & to go out together.
I think it’s better too for GC to be in their own home while their parents are away. I’ve read that most children can cope with one change (g/parents looking after them) as long as everything else remains constant.
Hope it all works out well for you all.

Hell no! They need to put their child before social events. I would be distraught if I had a grandchild who was in distress.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. It’s not a family wedding, so essentially, it’s a social event. They are parents now. Life has to adjust accordingly. It’s bad enough for the poor little soul to be adjusting to being left at nursery, without being left, albeit with grandparents, for 4 days. He is too young to have it explained to him after all!

I would be looking after the grandchild but making sure he is on a bedtime bottle by then. If he wanted to co-sleep in my bed that would be fine as it is only a few nights.

I don't suppose they go to that many weddings that are 4 days long so it is probably a one-off?

I personally wouldn’t do it, even if they were in this country to be honest. I think it’s too long for such a little one to be left, and that’s without the added problem of the co sleeping and feeding at night. There are so many reasons why they may not be able to get back as well, eg, the weather, flight problems, even the corona virus. Could you go with them? Maybe just one of them could go. When you have a child, they have to take priority.

I have the same sort of issues baby is with us 2 days a week. Some days settled others not. Nursery the rest of the week. She has days of being settled in the nursery and days of being unsettled. Sleeps in a cot perfectly well with us. Co sleeps with Mummy and Daddy. Also breastfed are night. We’ve been asked to look after her for a few days whilst DD and Partner go on a business trip. We have said yes. My instinct is to trust her Mummy my DD and if she is confident enough to ask us them I’m going to be confident to embrace the situation and enjoy it. I think we can all worry unnecessarily.