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Dealing with DH's approach to the Coronavirus

(9 Posts)
lovingbeingnan Sun 22-Mar-20 18:23:04

I would really welcome other gransneters thoughts on this . My DH and I both have elderly parents in their 90s who are living in their own homes. DH's parents are frail but are self caring so it is just a case of supporting with shopping. My parents also have health issues. My DF has a heart problem and DM heart and respiratory problems, dementia and incontinence problems. DM needs daily help with personal care. (washing or bathing and dressing)which was being provided by an Agency until last week. This has now fallen to me. I am happy to do this and it does seems the most sensible option for now as their regular carer is no longer available it means several different carers having to cover, inevitability increasing the risk to my DP's of contracting the virus.
The issue is that my DH feels that if we are in for the long haul he wants to be able maintain as many social activities as he can - 2 x weekly golf, still seeing friends etc, whilst keeping to the advice about keeping two metres apart, handwashing and using sanitizer etc.

I feel we should both be limiting our social contact with other people and staying at home as much as possible. I had already stopped going to the gym and have been physically distancing from the grandchildren (which breaks my heart) to try and keep my DP 's safe. My DH recognises the risks to his own parents and stays outside when he visits them whereas my contact with my DM is by necessity hands on although I am limiting this as much as possible. A couple of baths each week, changing the beds etc with DF providing the rest of the personal care.
I raised the situation with my DH last night. He believes I am overreacting pointing out that I popped into a shop to buy food yesterday and that we could always try and reinstate the care.
Added to this I am now working from home. To do this I need access to the internet which my DP's don't have so moving in with them is not really an option at this time. I also like my home.

Am I really overreacting? Is there a different way to manage the situation? I would really welcome advice from other gransneters who are also caring for elderly parents.

grumppa Sun 22-Mar-20 19:11:17

Your DH is being selfish.

rosenoir Sun 22-Mar-20 20:13:10

It is people like your husband that will force this country into lockdown.

I do not know what it will take to make them listen.

lovingbeingnan Sun 22-Mar-20 20:21:02

Thanks for your reply grumppa. DH suggested I post this, hoping to be exonerated. The difficulty for me is that he is flying in the face of all the government advice about staying at home. He plays golf with a small group of friends who all have families, some of which are high risk and should be self isolating too. I just don't understand his thinking on this.

Cabbie21 Sun 22-Mar-20 20:24:40

I reckon gyms, golf clubs and such like will be forced to close soon.
He is not being fair to you and your parents.

rosenoir Sun 22-Mar-20 20:25:55

I would rather listen to government advisers than your husband unless of course he is an eminent scientist.

Callistemon Sun 22-Mar-20 20:47:24

I think it won't be long before he has no choice.

Stay safe and well lovimgbeingnan

Jomarie Sun 22-Mar-20 22:22:03

It's a purely selfish attitude and maybe one that will bite him on the bum - keep doing what you are doing and keep well away from him !! Limit your care of him and make sure you stay fit and well and able to care for your parents - harsh but necessary at this point in time. I am totally p.....d off with arrogant males (and some females) who think their needs are paramount. Feel better for that rant - thank you grin

Gossamerbeynon1945 Mon 23-Mar-20 11:27:44

My husband us the same. He had a stroke 5 years ago and now cannot speak at all. They say that a person's personality changes after a stroke. His has not - he is still a knobhead! Thinks he can do what he likes and knows everything.

(Had a double whammy the day he had his stroke - but that is for another thread)