to think that perhaps we should be more tolerant of fellow posters?

As I said, Shelmiss the political threads have some posters who have specialised in political argument, and seem to think that anyone else expressing an opinion ought to conduct their posts as though they are preparing a dissertation for debating society. Mind you, I have read some illogical statements from some who consider themselves experts.

Almost all of the discussions on Gransnet, though, are amicable. It is perfectly possible to disagree with someone's opinion without insulting their intelligence or their character, or ranting at them!

I think that was where Valerie made a mistake - she ranted at everyone, and thus acted as exactly what she was complaining about, which put some backs up.

That's a shame Shelmis but I think that's happened to most of us at some point or other but you shouldn't let it put you off posting. I joined a few years ago and my very first post was jumped on, from a great height, by a long establised and vociferous poster. I was roundly told off! But I received a private message from a couple of other, kinder posters who encouraged me not to be put off and to stand my corner. I did and I'm very glad I did so because I've made some wonderful friends here. Please, stick with us! It gets better!

GrannyLaine ..... excellent posts from you.??

I’ve been a lurker here since October I think.....I joined in with posts initially but one of my very first comments was pounced on by someone (in the Brexit days) who demanded to see excel spreadsheets and a powerpoint presentation on how I could substantiate my comment. It made me extremely nervous of posting. That poster then ‘disappeared’ for a while but I have noticed has recently returned.

Although I do make tentative posts sometimes, it’s made me very wary of posting as I don’t want to be jumped on again.

As a mythical Irishman would say "Is this a private fight or can anyone join in?" I think Valerie saw in the thread title that a fight was going on and decided to join it. She punched harder and she shouted at everyone while doing it, so she got hit back, and since then has been striking out wildly in all directions.

I wouldn't go as far as to tell her to find a forum somewhere else, but she clearly hasn't been reading the many threads on here that have no arguments at all, or have civilised discussions of different opinions. Perhaps those are the ones she should be on - unless she enjoys a set-to, of course. In that case I recommend the political threads round about the Brexit vote.

I think there has been some crossed wires here and offence has been taken where none was intended. merlotgran is a kind, supportive and non confrontational poster and would never deliberately upset any poster, new or established. The written word is very hard to interpret sometimes and can come across harsher than was intended. All posters, new and old alike, are welcomed, along with their views and opinions. It's good to see so many "new faces"; welcome all!

Gransnet is for all of us. I think comments like the one you made are very unhelpful.

Thank you, Marydoll. I wasn't intending to be rude.

Having read follow up posts from ValerieF though, I think my comment was spot on.

Gransnet is a lovely site for all. Some posters just need to wind their necks in.

One of my first posts on here was greeted with a very rude response from a regular pOster, who told me my comment was ridiculous.

I couldn’t see anything ridiculous about it, it was just a point of view.

The other Rufus, refers to Rufus Sewell, I think.
There was a discussion about him recently, as many of us quite, like him.
There is only one actual poster, Rufus2, the Antipodean poster.

I actually thought the poster who suggested going to another site, wasn't being rude, just being helpful in that perhaps Gransnet, wasn't quite what ValerieF, was looking for.

It just shows that you have to clarify everything you write on here, to prevent posters misunderstanding what is meant.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Blimey, I left the increasingly mad Corona forum to try to find a bit of normality and now I feel as if I’ve dropped into a parallel universe! What was ananimous trying to say in her 18 (!) deleted posts, who has or hasn’t been behaving like a 6 year old, why and where are there two Rufuses now and how come there’s such an atmosphere in here?

I think I’ll just go to bed.....

well, i often dont know what is going on here.
hello to Valerie. i was taken aback when, having given your impressions of some of the discussions, and relating to the OP,
it was suggested that you find another site. i thought that was rather rude, unfriendly and totally unnecessary.
i will probably get the same suggestion now.
shall we form a little very exclusive cliquette, the outcasts.
all power to your elbow Valerie, must be hard working now.

Excellent post, Chewy.
ValerieF,why don't you give it another try? You have misjudged some of the posters and as Chewy has said, perhaps our first impression of you wasn't quite right either.

There are many kind posters on here, I think you may have got the wrong end of the stick on this thread.

Hmm, I do think NatashaGransnet has a point. From one relatively new member to another, ValerieF welcome; there are lots of funny and uplifting threads on Gransnet at the moment; the animal ones especially cheered me up no end. There's something for everyone.

In think you've just got off on the wrong foot a little ValerieF and maybe wires have got crossed along the way. GrannyLaine wasn't giving you any instructions or orders, just a helping hand, that's all. It's a bit like when you go anywhere new; new school, first days in a new job etc; it's usually a good idea to hang back and just see the lie of the land before you jump in. The vast majority of the posters on here are not as you've perceived them in your first impression and I'm sure that the first impression we've had of you isn't the right one.

Take your time, get to know us all a bit better and I'm sure you'll very quickly get a handle on it! Welcome to Gransnet.

@ Callistemon

It is indeed, and I truly think with the predicted surge in cases, we will lose some from here. It has been a rotten day in all sorts of ways, Had some bad news this morning. Thank you for taking the trouble to actually read what I posted.

@ ValerieF
Thank you for reiterating everything you had posted upthread, I had read it and thought about it.
As I said, take it or leave it.

wow wow wow GrannyLaine I started off replying to the original poster and said I agreed with her and that I didn't understand why others jumped in to object to what a person had said. Then I got someone 'jumping' in telling me perhaps I should find another site? I wasn't arguing with ANYBODY. I asked that person what right SHE had to tell me to go on another site? Prime example of what I was saying.

Others after that came in - well read what they said!

Please don't pin this on me as being an outrageous outsider.

I was replying to the original poster and all of a sudden I am told I am out of order? Don't understand the situation? Have no compassion? Need to rethink my posts? Should read more before I comment? Should recognise those who are long standing contributors and (assumingly) bow to their superior knowledge?

All I want to know is WHY?

Nobody told me when I signed up there was a pecking order? Don't comment until you know who you are dealing with? Type of thing.

Sorry cannot go along with that. IF people don't like what I have to say, ignore! I am not going to wait until it is appropriate to post otherwise what is the point? I am also not going to bow down to any click in real life and certainly not virtually.

I would like to know IF the administrators agree with your post Granny Laine? No disrespect to you at all I appreciate your comments but why does a newbie have to 'wait' and find out who might or might not back them up? I post in the hope I can help the person who is posting, not worried about whether it is agreed upon by the regulars. Sorry that is how I see it! If not then I guess that woman who told me to go elsewhere has a point ha ha.

GrannyLaine

It's a sobering thought that, if names disappear from the site, we may never know why.

Friday 27 March 19:53:20

I am sorry if I have not seen any other of your posts on other threads, Valerie nd presumed you are a new poster. Hence I did think your first post dated above was really rather critical of this site.

I was just suggesting it might be a good idea to get used to the site and the posting style without jumping in with both feet and criticising.

I agree with fourormore that attacks are wrong and can be upsetting so why do it?

ValerieF welcome to Gransnet. I too haven't been around for long. You seem to have landed on this thread with a firework up your bum if you'll forgive the analogy.
I once read that before she became a Duchess, Meghan Markle was given the excellent advice to stand back and observe as much as possible for her first year in public life. She decided to ignore that advice and the rest, as they say, is history. What I found useful on here was to read threads and learn a bit about the people participating before I posted. I quickly learned the names of those who enjoy derailing threads and those who I find frankly a bit deranged. But I can tell you that you have misjudged those you are having a spat with on this thread. Yes, they tell it like it is and call a spade a spade. But they bring some great wisdom and fun to debates and if you are having a hard time they will back you up, both publicly and privately. This isn't always a place to find sweetness and light, though some threads will offer that. We are living through strange times and though there is common factor of a national crisis, there is a huge range of how it is playing out for individuals.
Some of us might not make it through this. Read that again.

I have no agenda here, you can take my advice or leave it. But you will be missing a great deal if you don't just take a breath and give it a chance.

My opinion has now changed after reading a post with the C word.
Just awful.

As I said to MawB, Callistomon WHO did I actually criticise? I asked one poster why she felt she should tell me to go on another site? Is this some kind of click? I haven't been offensive in any way to any individual I said what I had observed in my short time here! - I am guessing I have stumbled on some kind of site that has a pecking order? Obvious to me now, some people can say what they want and others (newcomers) are shot down in flames. Is this what this site is about? Can the admin help me to clarify?