Gransnet forums


MIL has passed away

(7 Posts)
FridayIsComing Wed 08-Apr-20 13:25:31

Hi everyone,

I posted on here under a different name a while ago. My mil was unwell and had now died. I was torn between feeling guilt for doing what i wanted as a new mum and managing Mils expectation. Often i gave into what mil wanted.
Anyway, mil has now passed away. And my fear of being crippled with guilt is not there. I feel sadness and wish i could have had more patience and understanding for her and her situation but i am not drowning in guilt. Before she passed she told me i was like a daughter to her and she was very happy her son had married me. This was a great comfort for me, i always felt i was not good enough and we had challenges but by gods grace we overcome it and in the end we had a good understanding and were glad to have each other.
I wanted to update you all and thank each and everyone one of you for posting. For giving me insight as grandparents and mother in laws and mothers.
In the end all we are left with are memories and our actions. The relationship of Mil and Dil can become very challenging for many. But i am proud and thankful to say me and mil came through it and it ended positively.. X

Doodle Wed 08-Apr-20 13:32:25

Sorry for your loss for you and your family flowers

Sussexborn Wed 08-Apr-20 13:36:45

My condolences! Sad to loose loved ones especially if the relationship isn’t straightforward. Glad you both found peace eventually.

Grannyflower Wed 08-Apr-20 13:38:37

Pleased to hear you are feeling ok. It’s true that Mil and Dil relationships can be challenging but it’s my belief that most mothers want their children and grandchildren to be happy and healthy. Maybe your Mil recognised your contributions in the end and she was glad to have you as her Dil.

Smileless2012 Wed 08-Apr-20 13:38:42

Condolences for you lossflowers.

I'm so pleased that your fear of being crippled with guilt has not been realised, nor should it have been, and that you came to understand and appreciate one another.

You have reason to be both proud and thankful x

Namsnanny Wed 08-Apr-20 13:52:30

I wished you had posted this under the Estrangement heading. I hope those posting there get to read this.

I'm glad for you.

It seems to me that you both showed some maturity and a willingness to move into a better place with your relationship, which is commendable.

How touching that she gave you the release and comfort of telling you how important you were to her, and how she loved and trusted you.
No doubt this is a reflection of how much work you invested in the relationship.

Some people cant get that far, and hand on the bitterness and anger to the next generation.

They never come to some type of understanding or acceptance.

What you have described is something we can all hope for, and work towards with some of our more 'difficult' relationships.

Your family will benefit for generations to come I'm sure, from the healthy path you and your MIL have set them on.

Best of luck shamrock

Susan56 Wed 08-Apr-20 14:06:27

Sorry for your loss?but what a lovely post and tribute to her that you both found a mutual peace and respect in your relationship and that you do not have to suffer any feelings of guilt.