Consideration from GP

Firstly, my condolences on losing your husband.
Our surgery is normally crazily busy as we are so short of GPs round here. I can't imagine how overstretched any doctor is at the moment. A friend was telling me that at their place of work they were trying to keep everything going as normal but via IT (so that's extra work before you start), most colleagues were trying to home-school their children with many trying to support older parents and some supporting their immediate community (elderly, vulnerable including bereaved).

i would make a complaint. my receptionist is just the same. always its what do you want to see the doctor about .actually its none of your business.!!! they not very helpful at all .phone nhs 111 and see what they say...

Luckygirl, I do feel for you, your GP should understand that you are badly in need of reassurance and help. I just want to assure you that if you do have to go to hospital there is nothing to fear. I had a small op early March, nasal polyps removed and had to have a splint removed from my nose last Monday, I was petrified but when I arrived at the revolving doors there was a big notice saying one person per compartment, when I got inside there was a lady standing back to ask me to use the hand gel and to direct me to the waiting room. Every third seat was available the others were upturned. There were only three others in the waiting area, I was called through to ENT where I was the only patient. I was dealt with immediately by a thoroughly gowned and protected doctor and safely sent on my way. So please know that hospitals are taking every precaution to keep us and themselves safe.
I also took precautions, I wore shorts and Tshirt under a loose shirt and baggy pants which I then removed in the car park to a bag in the boot of the car along with my cap, shoes and socks, mask and gloves. Donned my slip on shoes and drove home in shorts and Tshirt where I washed my bag of clothes. A bit ott perhaps but better safe than sorry has been my mantra since this all began. Good luck Luckygirl, please be assured and be careful in equal measure.

The phone discussion was by appointment, as I eventually managed to speak to a helpful receptionist a few days later. I waited a week after that for the phone consultation with the GP.

The reason it is complicated is that the injection they want to give me at the hospital has the potential to slightly impair the immune system - and it seems a bad time to be doing that. Also, I have had appointments for a root canal filling which have had to be cancelled because of the virus, so I just have something temporary there - the injection I am supposed to have is contraindicated if invasive dental treatment is planned during the 6 months of after the injection.

The injection is to prevent further osteoporosis, and is badly needed as I have already had several fractures and also a spontaneous fracture of my femur.

So - lots to weigh up, and all I wanted was to discuss the relative risks of the different courses of action. She refused to engage with me on the subject.

I'm so sorry you lost your husband, and you've had such a horrid time with your surgery and GP. I had a phone appointment with a GP at my surgery, and she too was very rude and abrupt and left me in tears....and that's without having lost anyone recently. I tried to make excuses for her, as they must be under so much stress, but it's really not on upsetting your patients, especially when everyone is already feeling so stressed out. I would make a complaint to the manager of your practice or PALS. Huge hugs LuckyGirl. XXX

Hi Luckygirl

Sorry to hear about your GP's attitude. I have also had similar problems and you've done nothing wrong imho - some GP's aren't very nice. It's difficult to keep some perspective because you're feeling vulnerable when u go to the GP. Don't let them get u down - try out different GPs at your surgery and when u find a good one insist on seeing that one. I've recently moved I'm am currently 'interviewing' GPs at my local practice as they give me an appt with a different one each time but will stick with the winner when I find them!

polnan as I understand it, good practice says the doctor should discuss the possible treatment or treatments with the patient, but then the patient is encouraged to make up their own mind. That is what they are trained to do.
Luckygirl as I said earlier, try to see a different GP if you can, ask for the pros and cons of the treatment as it appertains to you, in your circumstances and taking into account any medication or conditions you have. Write down any questions before you speak to the doctor. Hopefully you will then be able to make an informed decision.

Maddyone I fully agree with you. People have a tendency to think because a doctor is arround when they call and get an appointment they can't be busy. But there is so much more going on that is unseen. Surgery doctors are still part of NHS frontline heroes.

Thank you Jishere it’s nice to know that some patients value their doctor. I know that my daughter takes it to heart when people are disrespectful towards her, and sometimes shout and demand. And equally she’s happy when patients are appreciative of her efforts to help them.

Lucky girl, I have been thinking of you
I spoke with a couple of people this am. and they said more or less the same thing as you have

the gp and consultants appear not to be advising patients as to what procedure or anything they should have.. leave it for the patient to make their own mind up,, wondering if it is all to do with the claims for negligence that the NHS is smothered in?

so not unusual it would seem ,I do hope you can get back here and talk more?

GP's aren't always understanding at all. As a widow myself, I'd recommend joining "Way Up" a forum for widows, really helped me.

You need time to sort your head out before having surgery. If there is a support group for the treatment you are going to have, they'll be much better. Google the condition and advice and see what comes up.

Dragon fly that is your personal experience. I know our surgery is busy with call backs from doctors and you can wait all day for it. And at our surgery we have good and bad receptionists. Plus the best doctor as she always takes her time with you, is always in demand and I know she hasn't been able to take her usual term time holidays off with her children. If she wasn't busy she would have.

Houndi
GPs are not busy.....

How on earth do you know this? Are you a GP?
As said earlier my daughter and her husband are GPs. My daughter has often told how many of her patients are disrespectful and demanding. Now I see why. That’s two people who have said that GPs are not busy. Perhaps you’d like to explain why, when my daughter goes to work, she goes for 8.30 and rarely gets home before 8.00 at night. Perhaps you don’t know the answer. Well it’s because even when she’s not seeing patients she has notes to make on each patient, letters to write to consultants, and copious advice and practice requirements to read every day from government and medical societies and drug companies. The results of trials, new treatments etc etc.
Just because your doctor rings you quickly doesn’t mean he/she isn’t busy. I find your comment, particularly in the middle of a pandemic, to be grossly ill informed. It simply shows just how ignorant the average person is about what doctors actually do.

It is a stressful time all round and I am very sorry you have not been treated sensitively. I would suggest writing to the practice manager ( I assume there is one?) and explain clearly , with bucket points, how you feeling, what your concerns are and if a member of staff could give you a constructive telephone conversation. How are you dealing with your recent loss? Do you have some emotional support? Remember there are organisations you can access.
Be very sure about what you want to do.

Hope the GPs and hospital consultants will soon be working as normal. Both my DH and I have some issues which have been put on the back burner for the time being.

I feel that the GP was unprofessional - they were asked for advice based on their expertise and they refused to give it. Lack of empathy, sympathy or personal concern are personality issues, but to refuse to give the help that they are paid to provide is unprofessional and while a complaint would probably be useless (let's remember who pays he practice managers who theoretically deal with these things) a second opinion and change of practitioner is definitely justified.
I think that you should follow the advice of the specialist nurse, who is in the best position to balance your medical needs against whatever the situation is in the hospital you need to go to. The nurse thinks that you should attend, so I think that you should assume that that is the best thing to do, especially as your GP doesn't feel obliged to advise against it (which I think we can assume they would if it was really dangerous for you)

Dear Luckygirl, I am so very sorry to hear that your DH died so recently and just as we were going into this very unnatural and difficult time of isolation and worry about the terrible virus. I cannot imagine how hard things must be for you and anyone else who has been bereaved at this time. I do pray for you. Of course you are weeping. You are mourning. Let the tears flow, they are a way to heal.

I am sorry too that your GP was so rude. I do not have any excuses for her. It might be some consolation for your to know that a female GP did the same to me face to face a few years ago. She had started, when I was a new patient, by being so friendly, respectful and helpful. I went to her on that last occasion with something fairly straight-forward and she simply would not let me speak. She spoke over me, insisted on taking a line about something else not to do with my health, and was rude. I left in tears then wondered if she was overworked and made excuses for her etc. But we must not do this. We are far to quick to excuse our Doctors and people like them. When they are not doing their job they should be picked up on it. This Doctor of mine, I learned later, had been asked to leave! She was treating other people in the same high-handed way. I then felt guilty, because as a person who was once involved in the medical world and worked in mental health, I should have acted more responsibly, thinking of other more vulnerable patients she might harm.

The Doctor has left you feeling helpless and looking for reasons to blame yourself for feeling so unhappy. But your feelings are completely normal in your situation. There is nothing wrong with you for with feeling tearful. The Doctor was in the wrong and there are no excuses for her. However, we need to help you feel you can take control of the situation yourself again.

First, the decision regarding going for the Hospital treatment. Most of all, I think you could speak to the Consultant who referred you for your Hospital Treatment. Phone their Secretary and ask if he/she can phone you. Explain that your GP has been no help. Tell them you have recently lost your husband and tell them there are additional complications that might make the hospital visit inadvisable. If the Consultant wants you to go in for the treatment I would follow their advice.

For your terrible loss of your Dh, I think it would really help you to find some counselling to cope with the loss of your DH. I hope there is something you might access online and over the phone. And don't underestimate the warmth of understanding here on GN. There are so many of us who have been bereaved. We understand.

As for your Doctor's Practice, could you ask to speak to the Senior Doctor for advice? Simply ask the Receptionist for a Telephone appointment with whoever that is and keep what you say to the Receptionist to a minimum. The Receptionist has no right to refuse you access to a Doctor. When you speak to the Senior Partner, explain that your GP was dismissive and the phone call was just long silences. Explain too the your husband died just before we all had lock-down.

If the Senior Partner is not appropriate, is it possible to go to NHS Direct? They are reserved for urgent but not life-threatening help, but you need to speak to somebody and your GP has let you down very badly.

As a 'by the way' I might say that I think we are inclined (in normal non-covid circumstances) to indiscriminately praise our Doctors. Having worked along-side them and obviously been a patient, my experience is that many are very good, some are wonderful and some are dreadful. If you bump into a dreadful one, and often they seem ok at first, you should get as far away from them as you can.

Seriously, I would think of changing GP, maybe when the CV19 situation has been overcome. You could start now with researching, sounding-out friends on the phone as to which Practices and GPs are considered good. Go online; there are so many websites now about comparing GP Practices. I would search online to see what your current Practice's ratings are. Looking things up, getting information, comparing experiences with others, all help you feel you are back in control. I had to change GP Practice because my old one closed down. When i looked, it had the lowest ratings in my town!!

I will be thinking of you and praying for you, Lucky, you will get through this. You are in mourning. That your GP ignored this is despicable. Don't go back to her. You can, and will, sort out what to do about the hospital treatment. The things will gradually pick up for you. It takes quite a while to adjust to losing your DH and, honestly speaking, you will need to be kind and gentle to yourself for a long time. I strongly believe our loved ones come near us in Spirit and I would talk to him whenever you want to, if I were you.
With much love, Elle x ???

I am really sorry to hear of your loss and this business with the GP must be really hard to bear. In defence of the GP, those long silences might have been giving you time to expand or she might have been looking up relevant information to you. I know when I am in the surgery, the GP does this whilst I am there. It is possible that the GP is wary that if she helps you to make up your mind, she will be blamed if it turns out to be the wrong decision. Whilst you might be a very reasonable person, many are not and GP's suffer a certain amount of abuse from some of their patients.

It might be worth contacting PALS if you want advice about this medical matter. We have found them to be very helpful in the past.

I have to agree with Nannan2. The first receptionist should have arranged a telephone consultation if she could not put you through at that moment. I cannot imagine the strain the GPS are under at the moment, which might explain her apparent indifference. Also, I had to visit my GP soon after my husband died so, while I was there, I took the opportunity of thanking her for the wonderful catered she had given him during his illness. She said she had deliberately not mentioned him as she had not wanted to upset me. Maybe Luckygirl, that might have been the same for your GP, particularly as you were on the phone, not face to face with her?

I hope you are able to speak to your consultant and get something positive out of it.

I know two people who work in GP practices as receptionists. Over the past two weeks they are going to work less as the surgeries are less busy than ever. Why the first receptionist was so stubborn goodness knows. Given all the concern about whether to go for treatment or not can you contact the consultant for their thoughts. No matter what they say the decision will still be yours though but if you have more information it may be easier for you to make that decision. Hopefully today is a better day for you.

Yes can you ask the nurse who you spoke with to ask consultant for a phone consultation beforehand at all? He maybe could discuss it with you instead? Perhaps if you explain you weren't able to discuss it with your gp? I understand the problem though, as i need a dble knee operation as soon as but i have a lot of other medical problems to consider as well, so yes its not as simple as saying you'll go ahead with it, is it?Try not to be too hard on your gp though- im sure at the moment they're going through terrible strain, and i suppose she is right,that she cannot make the decision for you,it must be yours alone- she wouldn't be allowed to decide for you- and try not to blame her too much for 'not asking how you are' - perhaps she didnt want to mention your husbands passing in case it upset you all over again? Also they do get so many patients through their doors in one day/week/month etc. I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you, but they do have such a workload.Especially right now..I'm a bit concerned the first receptionist wouldn't put it through for a phone consult though-they do have to do that i think, if you request it,just same as if we (normally) ask for an appt.

Lucky girl, I am sorry for the loss of your husband You are only recently bereaved and most probably not yourself at the moment, you are still grieving.

Having a consultation can be stressful at any time but with the added strain of your bereavement, C-19 and your health issues, you may not be your usual self and therefore have a different view of how it went

To those who think GP's are not busy, I despair. Seeing patients, face to face is, surprisingly, only some of their work. My GP daughter has set up a C-19 respiratory hub which has taken an enormous amount of time, as has trying to buy PPE on the open market and dealing with the CCG and Government departments. Sometimes working from awakening at 5.00 am until bed, she has little left to give. I may be able to speak to her whilst she is driving home, usually around 9.30pm. if I ask how her children are, the answer is "I don't know, haven't seen them".

I relate the above to try to give a better understanding of the pressures that the profession have at the moment and yes, many others have been under immense strain too but I can only relate to what I know.

Your GP may have just have heard sad news either personally or about a patient or perhaps just given a patient news of a poor prognosis - you won't know.

It goes without saying that your GP should treat you professionally but please forgive her if she was not at her best on this one occasion.

Patients are now treated in a more inclusive way and there is less of the "I am telling you what to do" attitude so perhaps your doctor was trying to help you reach a decision in a collaborative manner.

You mention that you have known your GP for a long time. If this is the one time you feel let down by her, perhaps both she and you are having an off day - we all have them. Don't jeopardise your relationship for one occurance.

Personally, I have had two recent telephone consultations with my GP which were excellent and bar some conditions, I would be happy to continue these

I have also had three hospital appointments cancelled - they were obviously not important enough to risk going in/not enough staff to see me. If it is suggested that your appointment goes ahead, there is probably a good reason and I would try to attend.

I understand that many cancelled hospital appointments will shortly begin to made again. I guess that it's hoped that those staff and buildings roped in for C-19 useage will be made available.

I hope that you have been able to reach a conclusion as to your appointment and that you will soon feel better.

I can quite understand your feelings I think. If it were me, it would feel as if she hadn't listened to or understood, and that it was basically a rejection of me, especially if I were going through what you have had to cope with Luckygirl. I think it shows what a caring person you are that you considered her own stress levels, despite being so hurt!

For whatever reason, you have not been treated with what you need and are entitled to. I would do what many others have said and ask for an appointment with someone else at the practice to go through the medical advice that you need to make your decision.

I do hope this gets sorted out for you; it sounds like a very difficult time for you. Please remember that you DO matter, and you have a right to expect to be treated fairly. xxx

Sorry for your loss and for the problems you are having with your GP, some of them have no empathy whatsoever.

My OH has dementia and in the late stages, now confined to bed and hardly eating and drinking. I have Emphysema but have been his carer for many years since he had two brain tumours. I'm one of the 50s women who has to wait until I'm 66 for my pension (I'm 65 now) so I rang the GP to ask if he would do a fit to work letter so I could claim ESA (we live off OH pension and carers allowance). He was quite offhand and said I've looked at your notes and you've only got mild COPD you can go and get a job. He obviously hadn't because the hospital diagnosed my condition and now with telephone appointments they don't seem to care. I hope things work out for you xx

Sadly this can happen. There are good and poor GP’s in all practices. Your experience is unacceptable and should not be tolerated. The only way to improve doctor/patient relationship is to let them know when you are unhappy with any part of a consultation. A GP cannot use the excuse of being busy especially now.. They are paid to do a job of there own choosing and care for patients. You are probably like many in a very dark place at the moment so needed reassurances which you failed to get. We are all feeling under strain and tearful at this time and my heart goes out to you grieving loss of your partner...l