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Power of Attorney-Health/Weal th

(24 Posts)
donna1964 Wed 08-Jul-20 13:34:31

I have just become Power of Attorney for my Father who as well as having other illnesses..he has now been diagnosed with Alzheimers. I have a brother who lives with Mum & Dad who administers Dads medication. On 5 occasions now he has cocked up the medication. Over xmas he overdosed dad on Morphine. I took my dad and paid private to see a Consultant over his medications and dad was taken off the Morphine. Cut a long story short my brother carried on administering him keep him quiet...I think. Then on another 2 occasions I have found tablets in my Dad's bed. The brother is meant to watch that my Dad takes the medication...when I approached him on it...he told me to go and see my Dad??? Who has Alzheimers??? This brother and the other 2 brothers are very arrogant...and the fact that I will stand up to them when things like this go wrong...they take it personally and want to throw their weight around. Today I went to my Mums and the brother who lives there is rubbing Deep heat into my dads leg was degloved and the skin is like tracing paper. My Dad has been administered tablets and a cream by the Consultant...yet this brother does as he likes. My dad has been irritable of wonder when Deep heat is being rubbed into a degloved leg causing it to be inflamed. Can anyone suggest what I can do about this now that I am Power of Attornery for his health. These people have no common sense...and even when they know what they have to do...they do as they like. I am not afraid of standing up to only downfall is I end up shouting...( which I believe anyone would if they have to deal with these repribates). They use the shouting or should I say raising of my voice against me...yet one brother has admitted I am right in 'why' I am concerned.

Grandmabatty Wed 08-Jul-20 14:06:28

This sounds like abuse. You need to contact social services and your dad's doctor to express your concerns. I hope you get somewhere as it sounds appalling.

donna1964 Wed 08-Jul-20 14:40:58

Thank you Grandmabatty...I seem to speak a different language from the rest of my family...that is how I see it would be seen as abuse. But knowing them...they just can't be bothered...there is too many chiefs and not enough Indians amongst them...they are all on ego trips. The only thing they can get on me is that I do end up shouting about these situations...but I think anyone would. I am amongst bullies...who have in the past pushed me around...but not now...they are very unsure of me now and what I would do about anything. And what I would always do is follow the law whilst they are a law to themselves. I must apologise to anyone reading my posts...I am very angry at the minute and frustrated by the attitudes of the people around me.

Missfoodlove Wed 08-Jul-20 14:50:35

I think it’s very easy to pass judgment when you are not the main carer. Maybe try staying over a for a few nights and take over the care and then see how the care could be improved.

Septimia Wed 08-Jul-20 14:51:26

It sounds horrendous - no wonder you are angry.

As a first step, I wonder if the doctor could arrange for a nurse to visit and dress your father's leg. She/he might then notice the other problems and, especially, the wrong cream being used.

The morphine, if it's not being prescribed, should run out. As for tablets in the bed, my FiL often dropped his as his fingers were not so nimble. Often the carers didn't notice but we did manage to get them to put the pills in a pot for him - the trouble was that he insisted on picking them out instead of just pouring them into his mouth! Fortunately not too many tablets went astray.

EllanVannin Wed 08-Jul-20 15:06:08

This is truly shocking treatment of a vulnerable person and I wouldn't be standing by watching. As has been suggested, arrange for a nurse to visit.
Such cruelty to a defenceless person is not acceptable.

Barmeyoldbat Wed 08-Jul-20 15:29:48

Good for you for standing up against your brothers. Talk to the doctor and also ring Social Services for help. You have PoA for his health and they will talk to you. Good luck.

Callistemon Wed 08-Jul-20 15:35:39

How well and able is your mother, donna? Does she need care too or is she able to help or intervene on your father's behalf?

It is difficult to look after elderly people, especially one with Alzheimer's and it does require a lot of care and patience which your brother does not appear to have.
You need to get your other brother onside and perhaps see the GP together if possible.
Speaking to your father's GP would be better than going to a private consultant; the GP should be aware of what medication is best and could send a nurse to check his legs.
A care plan could be put in place with the help of social services as it seems your brother is not coping.

donna1964 Wed 08-Jul-20 23:36:20

Hi mother is not coping well with my Fathers situation. My Dad is 83 and my Mother is was advised by the Alzheimer Consultant for the family to give my Mother plenty of respite. There are seven children but not everyone is pulling their weight. I have been Dads main carer since October last year yet I live furthest away from Mum & Dad. The ones who live closest dont do a tap for them. My dads gp prescribed the Morphine and just wanted to drug him up with no quality of dad was just sleeping a lot. I paid private for dad to see a Pain Consultant whose main aim was to give Dad a better quality of life... ..Which was happening.. I am going to seek help and advice...even if I have to get a Social Worker involved.

Callistemon Wed 08-Jul-20 23:41:02

Oh dear, I do feel for you and your parents too, donna.
It's a pity the others are not sharing the care as your brother seems to be struggling.

I think that is the best course of action and I hope some care can be arranged. At least then the pressure would be taken off your brother and the situation would also be monitored.

GrauntyHelen Thu 09-Jul-20 01:23:03

You have all the power in this situation you need to take charge calmly get your father a care assessment get a social worker involved and lay down the law with your siblings

donna1964 Mon 13-Jul-20 21:41:39

GrauntyHelen...Thank you for your advice I am going to look into getting a Social Worker involved as I think it will be needed. I am not dealing with reasonable people here.

donna1964 Mon 13-Jul-20 21:45:03

Callistemon... My brother does nothing other than to give my Father his medication whereby he takes it on upon himself to medicate my Father what way he likes...which is not as prescribed.... It is me that does everything else.

donna1964 Mon 13-Jul-20 21:50:58

MissfoodLove... it is very easy to pass judgement as you have done that yourself without knowing it all. It is me that is the main Carer not my brother! All he has to do is give my Father his medication as instructed...but is not capable of that! He still lives at home and still has my 82 year old Mother Cooking for him. He is one lazy, arrogant brat at the age of 50 years old...speaks to people like your dirt under his shoe!!

Pammie1 Mon 20-Jul-20 03:14:58

You need to be very careful here. I have power of attorney for my mum who has dementia and it was made very clear to me that POA comes with a legal stipulation that everything you do must be in the best interests of the POA donor (your dad). If you know that anyone involved in his care is not mindful of his expressed wishes or is actually causing harm/putting him at risk in any way, then you have a legal duty to act. If any harm comes to your dad then the authorities, including the office of the public guardian, will want to know why, if you were aware of any wrongdoing, you didn’t act to stop it. The office of the public guardian has the authority to take away your POA and have a court appointed guardian deal with your dad’s affairs if they think you have acted inappropriately. I would have a word with your dad’s GP and maybe get some input from social services, to protect both your dad’s interests and your own position.

silverlining48 Mon 20-Jul-20 08:09:13

Donna you mention you are the furthest away from your parents, but are the main carer. How often do you visit them? Do you share POA with another sibling because it must be difficult if you are some distance away.
Certainly speak to social services and your dads GP as soon as possible because possible overdosing on such strong medication is dangerous.
What a sad and upsetting situation this must be for your elderly parents having their children disagree about their care.

travelsafar Mon 20-Jul-20 08:39:08

This could be abuse or it could be that your brother is at the end of his tether with the responsibilty. Either way help is needed. A call for an assessement to be done on your father and a carer's assessment or your brother. Maybe dad needs to be sent away ro respite care to give your brother a break. Sad situation.

Hetty58 Mon 20-Jul-20 08:48:37

If you have POA for health and welfare, it's time to step up and take responsibility for your father's safeguarding and welfare.

Express your concerns to social services. It may well be time to reconsider where your father lives and is best cared for.

Oopsminty Mon 20-Jul-20 08:57:50

Awful situation, Donna1964. I can't imagine the pain of having Deep Heat rubbed into a degloved leg.

I agree with the posters who have suggested a call out from GP and get in touch with social services.

It all sounds as if it's getting out of hand and you need some help from outside.

Good luck to you.

I had problems with my elderly parents and I know just how difficult things can get

Luckygirl Mon 20-Jul-20 10:13:45

I have been a full time carer of my OH and it is very hard indeed. If anyone had been standing over me and judging what I did, I am sure that I would have been found wanting on many many occasions. And I would certainly not have appreciated being shouted at about it all!

I really do think that you should go and stay (or have him to stay with you for a while) and give it a go yourself. I know my OH was very antagonistic about his meds and other treatments and it was very hard to resist his demands or refusals.

It does sound as though your brother is getting things a bit wrong and it might be good to try the job yourself for a bit so you can get a real insight into what the challenges are and be on a position to make constructive suggestions.

Failing that, maybe you could arrange to be there when the district nurse or dementia nurse visits. If he is not getting such visits, then it would be good to set this up someone is keeping a professional eye on things. OH had a district nurse once a week.

I think you should wield your PofA with a gentle hand - having you telling him that it is your decision about what is done, when it is your brother who is on the sharp end must be a real pain for him.

KerryS Mon 20-Jul-20 10:20:01

As you have POA for your father, you need to contact your local County Council Care Services Helpline and ask for a Social Worker to be allocated to him. Then make sure you register your POA with the Assessment Team (data protection ensures that only he and you as POA can ring to discuss his finances, they should not discuss them with anyone not attached to his financial account on their system i.e. they should not discuss these private matters with your brothers unless they also have POA and also get registered with them - it is not enough for someone to just say they have POA) . Then he can be assessed which would look at his incomings and outgoings and they can arrange a carer which he may or may not have to pay for, though maybe only in part depending on his savings etc. He could of course pay for a carer privately if you so wish, but if he doesn't have a lot of savings, you would be sensible to go through the council, as you may find that you are then paying only minimal. A carer can attend to him as many times in a day as the Social Worker deems needed, including showering, taking to toilet, help with meals, giving medication - whatever is decided is necessary. And of course, you would then have a named Social Worker who is your first port of call whenever you need help, advice, equipment, etc. That's how it works in my county, some counties may be slightly different. Good luck, and I hope you can sort things out.

Oopsadaisy3 Mon 20-Jul-20 11:58:09

It sounds to me that although you have the POA, it’s your brother who is actually the Carer, he is with your parents 24/7 and you live the furthest away, so presumably you aren’t responsible for their day to day care.
It seems as though he isn’t able or capable of looking after them properly so you will have to sort the situation out.
You can’t just wave the POA around, shout at your siblings and then walk away
Leaving them to pick up the slack.

tidyskatemum Mon 20-Jul-20 13:46:51

Good luck with getting Social Services involved! If your father qualifies for state funded care (ie has less than £23250 in savings) the minute they find out your father has an apparently fit and healthy adult living with him they won’t want to know. Resources are so stretched that if there’s a family member to do the caring, no matter how poorly, they’ll leave him to it. If your father is funding his own care they will probably be much more helpful!

kittylester Mon 20-Jul-20 14:04:41

I think this is a safeguarding issue and you have a duty to involve Social Services.