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AIBU

AIBU re my SIL?

(21 Posts)
Londonwifi Sat 15-Aug-20 22:31:12

My SIL does things for show. She will act nice and respectful in public and then speaks about people in a nasty way behind their backs. There’s a lot more besides. She is quite controlling as well. Too much to mention here.
However, she asked to be my FB friend a while back. Felt obliged to accept. She never posts a thing, not one thing, not even a comment or like on anyone’s posts. She obviously looks at peoples timelines in great detail though because she can spout off their interests, details of anything they’ve put on FB etc, what they are up to. I am a Home Economist and an Artist and as such I have a lot of friends on FB who are in similar occupations or have an interest in these subjects. Due to that we often post pics of what’s for our evening meal if it’s a new recipe etc. We are also keen gardeners and interested in nature . My DH and I moved to a new home recently and I posted a pic of the view from our bedroom window as it is glorious looking over the fields. My SIL’s husband made a catty remark about it insinuating that I was showing off and acting in a pretentious way when all I was doing was taking a record of a stunning view. I love it. My friends loved it and gave positive comments. She does this all the time. It does nothing to endear me to her or her husband. They have no decent conversation - they only want to tittle tattle. They have no hobbies or interests. Oh dear I am running off at the mouth, so to speak. She drives me up the wall!

Lolo81 Sat 15-Aug-20 22:40:03

You have my sympathy, and I completely understand the pressure one feels to keep the peace and accept the IL’s or extended family on social media. If you don’t want the can of worms that comes with unfriending her, I’m fairly sure that you can set your posts so that she cannot see them.

Starblaze Sat 15-Aug-20 22:46:12

London you can choose who sees your Facebook posts. Maybe just hide what you dont want her to see from her. As long as no one may point it out to her you should get away with it

annep1 Sat 15-Aug-20 22:49:30

You can customise who sees your posts. I have 2 fb accounts, one for friends one for family.

Londonwifi Sat 15-Aug-20 23:04:20

Thank you Annepl. Didn’t think of that!

vampirequeen Sun 16-Aug-20 12:15:22

Definitely limit her access to your FB account.

Madgran77 Sun 16-Aug-20 13:53:05

Limit your account viewing but also if she comments on anything just say "well you dont have to look at it, upto you!"

Chewbacca Sun 16-Aug-20 14:00:47

She sounds jealous to me. If I was in your position, I'd be uploading even more beautiful photographs of your lovely new home; the views from the windows, your garden, artwork; really get it out there! Her negativity and catty remarks will be there for others to judge her on. Or, just block her so that she can't see a thing!

GagaJo Sun 16-Aug-20 14:40:15

I would hide my posts from her. Add the odd all friends post, every now and again, but overall, don't let her see.

I used to try very hard to keep FB just for real friends (I live away from home for much of the year and use it to keep up to date with friends) but it's awkward, isn't it, when someone that is more of an acquaintance or colleague befriends you. Can't say no, it's rude!

I wish I'd set up 2 FB pages years ago to deal with that eventuality, but too late now.

Leaannbo Mon 17-Aug-20 13:34:49

GagaJo

I would hide my posts from her. Add the odd all friends post, every now and again, but overall, don't let her see.

I used to try very hard to keep FB just for real friends (I live away from home for much of the year and use it to keep up to date with friends) but it's awkward, isn't it, when someone that is more of an acquaintance or colleague befriends you. Can't say no, it's rude!

I wish I'd set up 2 FB pages years ago to deal with that eventuality, but too late now.

Saying no is not rude.

Hithere Mon 17-Aug-20 13:42:09

Has anybody called your sil out? She seems to think she has the right to be rude.

I would just delete her from FB. It is your page and why walking on eggshells around her?
Even if you hide your posts from her, she will realize it and may ask you why.

Londonwifi Mon 17-Aug-20 16:54:44

Thanks people. Some good suggestions. Much appreciated.

Toadinthehole Mon 17-Aug-20 17:04:07

Oh the dreaded SIL😖. Got rid of mine.....finally. Wish I’d had FB, and all that years ago, and then perhaps could have made more of an impact by blocking the entire set of in laws!

V3ra Mon 17-Aug-20 17:48:10

I happily ignore Facebook requests if I don't want to accept them.
I've also "unfollowed" a lot of people who post stuff I'm not interested in.
Life is too short to wade through all that nonsense.

Daddima Mon 17-Aug-20 18:04:57

I don’t think Londonwifi has said that her sister in law posts catty comments, I think she just said that her husband had made remarks. As she doesn’t post anything, are you upset that she may be ‘ tittle tattling’ behind your back too? If so, she’ll be doing it anyway, Facebook or not!
Enjoy your home and garden ( and your dinners!)

FlexibleFriend Mon 17-Aug-20 18:18:57

I would have responded to the Husbands post with "No need to be rude all my friends loved it, but each to their own".
Every time they post something catty respond with "Oh well I love it and that's what matters".

seacliff Mon 17-Aug-20 18:28:47

I would unfriend her. If she has the nerve to query it, say you have had a spring clean on FB friends, and deleted many. Just kept the ones with same craft interests as you, because that is all you use it for now.

Ladyleftfieldlover Mon 17-Aug-20 22:09:15

Why are people so afraid of being honest? What is the point of being miserable a and upset when all you have to do is unfriend anyone you don’t want as a friend on Facebook. If the woman queries it, simply say you were having a clear out of people who don’t share your interests. Why is that so difficult? Jeez, I have been unfriended ... and unfriended others. It’s not the end of the world. Is it?

Serendipity22 Mon 07-Sep-20 16:03:39

Hear hear Chewbacca
Wow ! All she is doing is showing herself to be the type of person she is, which from what you have said is notvery pleasant and what I shame she is a member of the family !

I would do as others have suggested, select what photos she claps her eyes on and if she or her husband dares question why you have posted this photo or that photo give her/him it with both barrels ....

You post what the heck you want go post ..... makes me cross......

angry

TrendyNannie6 Mon 07-Sep-20 16:17:05

I don’t really know how FB works But as I tend to say what I think, what I would be thinking London is she’s catty, so she has no place viewing my pics, she’s not a friend she’s a SIL and I don’t for one minute think you are showing off,she and her husband sound a bit odd, life’s too short to be finding fault with people . Live and let live is what I say

Serendipity22 Mon 07-Sep-20 16:37:29

Just found this Londonwifi and your post sprang to mind ..... hahaha