Do you ever get over empty nest?

When my sons left it was worse - they both moved back to the South of England for work opportunities, one moving to work with my ex husband and one to live with him!
I only got over it by filling my life with other things, U3A being an absolute godsend - with all it's clubs and activities.
In the present climate, it is more difficult, but look up your local U3A online, and join when they are properly up and running again.

My DDs let me off gently. They'd move out, then one would fall out with a boyfriend and move back in for a while, then the other decided she had to move back in. Then one moved out again and so it went on, until I called DD2 yo-yo!! Now they both have their own houses so are settled.

When my son - my youngest and the last to leave - moved out, I was upset but tried hard to hide it. I felt bereft for weeks, and one day took myself off to a local shopping area . While there, having felt sorry for myself all the way in the car, I saw two young men who would never leave home. One must have had cerebral palsey and was in a wheelchair - we kept coming across each other around the shops, and smiled and talked, but the strain was evident on the faces of his older parents. I stopped for a coffee and at the next table a young man with a savage scar right across his bald head was being fed cake by his mother. I drove home and didn't feel sorry for myself; my children had struck out confidently and begun adult lives. Lucky them, lucky me.

Having just read all these posts, it made me think what lucky children ?. They have obviously had so much love poured into them by you their parents.
As others have said it's our job as mothers to make our children independent and we do need to remember to congratulate ourselves when we do that. But I agree it leaves a huge hole in your life when your children leave home. I am lucky that my adult children live nearby and we have a great relationship seeing them lots. I'm just going through empty nest syndrome part two with my grandson having just started school! ? I have been very involved with his care and I am now really missing looking after him in the day whilst he's at school. I think you just have to make yourself become a bit selfish and do things you want to do for yourself rather than for or with other people all the time. As someone else wrote I am missing the manic of family and working life but retirement and aslqer pace of life with just my husband and me at home is slowly becoming more enjoyable for me.

I did some online mindfulness courses during lockdown and that has helped me really live in the moment and enjoy simple things around me and appreciate what I have and helped make me feel happier. I recommend giving it a try.
Keep on being the great mums you are but from a distance ?? and keep posting here as Reading that others feel like you is a great comfort

Oh God I would love it, our three bounce back and forth, here one minute then one, then back p, then grand kids in and out. I pray for a day when it is just me and they all are gone so I can, finally, relax. The best few days if my life is when they all go on holiday and I get a few days of peace, but I can’t see that happening any time soon

The other day my husband, who incidentally adores our two grown up married children and their families, said to me "I've never been so happy in my life". We have spent the lockdown together, the longest period of just the two of us in our 52 years of marriage. I feel so happy that he could say that and I have loved this time together as well.

Bluebell wood... I so understand what you say.. I am with you. hugs... cyber hugs are good, .

and my two sons are early 50`s, late 40`s.. and no.
you never get over the empty nest,, if that is the way to describe it... sadness that life has changed so much, being needed and becoming needy! ugh!

I took one of my grandsons to show him the home that I bought my 3AC up in ..... I stood in the woodland behind our old house crying ! Just remembering their wonderful childhood, playing in the woods, climbing trees, picnics etc so nostalgic .....

Thank you the comments after my post. I appreciate it.
X ???

Marketkat I’m sorry for your loss but grateful for your gentle, kind reminder that we should be grateful for what we have.

So sad to read about your son Marketkat?. You are so right of course. When they leave...it is the sign of a job well done. Just enjoy all moments, live day to day, and try not to look too far ahead. I hope you settle into your new routine Candy.

Marketkat

Don’t know if I should put this here. But I am
Be positive, sounds like you’ve done a good job bringing up your son, his leaving home is just a transition and it may take you a while to get used to it, but you will see your son and be proud of him. Enjoy the times with him when you can, he has not gone from your life completely.
I don’t have my son to see, visit, talk to, he didn’t live at home when he died, I missed him when he left home I’d got used to the empty nest knowing he was happy and living and independent. Now I wish that I would see my son in 3 months, 6 months, a year, that is not going to happen.
So I say be happy for your son that he is living his life the way he wants to live it.

Hi Marketkat, so sorry to read of your late son. You are right to air your feelings here....we all know how much our children mean and your heart has been broken in the worst way possible,....sending love sweetheart.

Both hubby and I hate empty nesting.......but guess what? After 28 years of flying the nest, our eldest is coming home due to ill health.

It`s bitter/sweet........so worried about her health, but happy to have her back where we can give her some tlc.

Don’t know if I should put this here. But I am
Be positive, sounds like you’ve done a good job bringing up your son, his leaving home is just a transition and it may take you a while to get used to it, but you will see your son and be proud of him. Enjoy the times with him when you can, he has not gone from your life completely.
I don’t have my son to see, visit, talk to, he didn’t live at home when he died, I missed him when he left home I’d got used to the empty nest knowing he was happy and living and independent. Now I wish that I would see my son in 3 months, 6 months, a year, that is not going to happen.
So I say be happy for your son that he is living his life the way he wants to live it.

Thank you all so much for your replies. You are all so brilliant especially those moving forward on their own. I’m in complete admiration. I’ll just keep plodding on. Once a mum, always a mum, however far or near or how old they are. Thanks again xx

I still miss mine a little. They left over 20 years ago. I love seeing them but I don’t want them back.

All I can say is that you get used to it. My children now have families of their own so one of the benefits I have had is grandchildren.

No you're definately not on your own with this. It's actually one of the main reasons I joined gn to see if others felt as upset as I did when my ac left home. It does get easier with time and I was told on many occasions to remember that it shows you've done a good parenting job to have independent children.

In the space of a year my last child moved out, my husband became ill and died, I quit my job to nurse him and the house was sold.

I remember saying I don't know who I am anymore.

But in a weird way it was liberating. I had to make a whole new life with little bits of old in it rather than having the same life with a hole in it, if you see what I mean. I think having that hole is harder.
No advice really.
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I have three step children, all living in different countries and two of my own living in different counties. They are all adults, some with their old children and yet it is now that I have retired that empty nest has kicked in! I just feel lonely - yet I have lots of friends and lots of interests. It just seems we went from life being manic to it being quiet and I miss the manic!

My 3 children all went travelling at the same time 2 post uni and one pre. That was not easy but the most difficult to accept was when the middle daughter at 22 returned to Australia having met her future husband, never to return.
It isn't easy and I feel for you but you just have to accept that they are making choices and wanting to lead their own lives. Look forward, plan visits, get out and do all the things you couldn't when you were busy being a Mum! My girls are all now married with children so I slot in & out of their lives as I can. Sadly like Bluebellwoukd I am now widowed which is even harder but life is what you make it

No, it's not just you. It's taken me many years to adjust to not being 'Mum', some of my best conversations with my sons took place when I was driving 'Mum's taxi' and I still miss knowing the details of what's going on in their lives!

Allow yourself to grieve - when my younger son was just about to go off to university, I used to walk mournfully round the supermarket thinking of all the things I wouldn't need to buy once he had left. He was also very ill as a child, I do think that makes it hard for us, and maybe all the more necessary for the grown-up child to prove to themselves that they can live without us.

Of course, both sons have been back many times, and it's always lovely.

The nice thing is that when they have flown the nest they have so much to give when they do return. When our sons were at home we all got along very well but it was very much parent and child relationship, with them asking for lifts, us keeping them and the feeling that they did not expect us to like all the things they did. Like you. OP I was really unhappy when our youngest left.
A few years on we have a different type of relationship, family book club and zoom yoga classes (my husband teaches yoga) We meet up and go to an exhibition or out for a meal, it is now the relationship of adults who are close. We sometimes go on holiday together and it is great when they come back "home" for a break but, 2 years after he left I can honesty say I prefer it this way.

My husband and I found a new lease of life when we were finally on our own.
Our previous 25 years had revolved round our family, now we had successfully launched them into the big wide world and at last had the time and money to enjoy life.
I considered it a job well done.

What a lovely post Bluebellwould I think you have said it all
Really, but just to add, for the OP, I loved being a Mum too, the happiest years by far, but we all have to move on, and yes, it really does get better with time, you will see.
It’s a shame your DS has moved so far away, but he may end up nearer to you in years to come, and you can take comfort in the fact he is happy doing whatever job he wanted to.