Do you ever get over empty nest?

My darling husband was alive, within weeks of both my children leaving, we were happy doing things together, just like when we first met. My kids were with partners, working so I felt good about it. It must be so much harder I would imagine when you are on your own, different altogether and lockdown has made it a 100 times worse. When things go back to the new normal, you will be able to join groups that interest you and expand your social circle. Life will definitely get better for you, just keep going for now,I know how lockdown affected me, on my own now, I would give anything to have the support of my husband and everything is topsy turvey but it is how it us and everything passes. ?

Neilspurgeon0 are you a man by any chance? I know a lot of men who feel like you do.

I think this say it all.

It's a huge adjustment. Some people just breeze through.It and love the freedom. Others like me feel.it very deeply. I now have three little dogs and they are my babies.

Kerenhappuch

No, it's not just you. It's taken me many years to adjust to not being 'Mum', some of my best conversations with my sons took place when I was driving 'Mum's taxi' and I still miss knowing the details of what's going on in their lives!

Allow yourself to grieve - when my younger son was just about to go off to university, I used to walk mournfully round the supermarket thinking of all the things I wouldn't need to buy once he had left. He was also very ill as a child, I do think that makes it hard for us, and maybe all the more necessary for the grown-up child to prove to themselves that they can live without us.

Of course, both sons have been back many times, and it's always lovely.

Oh I so agree about the mums taxi times. Because I’m a night owl I was always the one that did the late night/early hours of the morning pick up. Sometimes just my kids but sometimes other people’s, too. I still remember my son saying to me one night/morning ‘you’re driving very well tonight mum’ before he nodded off. Also the music we used to play. Dido springs to mind. With my daughter it was more Levellers or Nirvana. It actually makes me hurt inside to think of it. Bitter sweet memories. Where did the time go?

I picked up my own life after my youngest left home,I had so much I wanted to do and knowing my 2 dds were on there own journey in life it gave me reassurance to get on with my life. Once a mum always a mum but I don’t live my life threw my dds.

We've never had an empty nest ,not until lockdown.We always had at least one child or GC here for 2 or 3 nights a week .My son left at 20 and was back at 21 with a one year old ,he left after 9 years to live with a new partner but we kept his daughter with us until she was happy to leave .It took the arrival of a new baby sister to move her out .Its lovely to see them settled as a wee family but she still spent the odd night with us and we still collected her from school and fed her.Until March .It has been lovely being just the two of us for the first time in 46 years .I see or hear from both my kids daily and my GC all msg me online

I felt as if I had died 20 years ago when my son left home. My daughter left a year later to go to uni and I didn't want to go on. But my son is in contact regularly, we visit regularly - about 4 times a year - so it's not so bad. My daughter is near me again with my grandchildren. So I can say that I am happier now than I was when they both left. This may well happen to you, Many people who move away come back again. Grandchildren may come along too and, believe me, they can be a joy.

I never even considered it to be an empty nest when our daughter left aged 23 to a home her and her partner bought, I was however extremely proud of the hardworking, kind and considerate young lady she had become, job done!

The current success and happiness my children are reaping in the big wide world is my daily compensation whilst sitting at home alone but having regular contact with them.

I had similar comments MissA

That's exactly right hicaz46

A mother bird has her chicks, raises them and lets them fledge satisfied she has done a good job. That is how I felt, my DS and DD were prepared for their future life and I had a great feeling of satisfaction, a job well done, when theyleft home to live their own lives.

My DS moved out gradually by staying with his gf at weekends until I noticed that the weekends were only separated by Wednesday. He came back once when he was between gfs, stayed for a month and then bought his own house and moved into that. My DD, well, that was so hard. I wanted to encourage and support her independence, but when she walked down the front path with her suitcase I was silently screaming “Nooo, don’t go! Come back!” But go she did and has never looked back. Neither of them have, really and we have lovely, loving relationships with them and my SiL and DiL. If you love them, let them go

I got over it fairly quickly.
Glad to have the space back and no more mess to clear up.

You are so right Marketkat and I feel for you. Us who have children and grandchildren abroad often feel hard done by, but I've always realised that there are a lot of people like yourself, far worse off. I can only send you a big hug.

As I have posted before on this subject I must be an uncaring mother as was not upset when either of my children left home. I saw it as a success that they were going out into the world to do their thing equipped with the necessary skills required and I could become something other that "mum" again ?

My mum cried and said "Oh! You're a hard-faced cow."

You and me both MissA and counting the money I've saved

I thought I was prepared for when my last son left for uni, but I have to say it felt like a bereavement, even though just thinking that made me feel awful - nothing can compare with a bereavement. But I was lost.
It did take two years till I really felt ok, and I didn't just wake up one morning thinking yes! that's all over, it was gradual.
During that time I found comfort gardening.
And when the first grandchild came along life was really good again.

Candy6, I can honestly say I've never had the 'empty nest' feeling. Over the years, the house has been home to four children, their friends, partners and a grandson - a home for eight for quite some time.

They gradually left, some returned a few times, bringing families, then for the last few years, it's just me, the dog and cat. Each change has brought different opportunities for me to get stuck into my own hobbies and interests. I don't miss the way things were back then - too busy enjoying today!

They 'boomeranged' for several years, but finally both found careers in the south. I was leading a fulfilling life and enjoying my own choice of holidays as well as visiting my growing families in their growing homes. Now it could be that the tables are turning as they are suggesting that I move nearer to them. 'The child is father of the (wo)man' as Wordsworth almost said.

Count your blessings that you still have your children, whether at home or away!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Empty nest seems to have passed me by.
I redecorated, cleared all the rubbish out of her room, and quite enjoyed looking at it all neat and tidy.

You do get over it!

Just think of all the good things:

No one is nicking DH's razor blades, my underwear, eating the last of something and not leaving a note, or leaving a RED sock in the washing-machine so the next load of bed linen comes out PINK!

These are the things that keep me going when I miss the weans.

Oh, and hearing our son tell his son all the things we never thought he heard when we said them. DH nearly wet himself trying not to laugh!