Scared of my mum!

Mynxie You say that your son will be working on the front line, your DGC will be going to school and presumably taking all precautions.
All you can do is try to ensure your mother knows the rules, takes precautions as she carries on with what she is permitted to do.

If you feel that she may bring the virus to your family you must stop seeing her. However, I think it's more likely that the younger people may encounter the virus at work or school.

All that all of us can do is to act sensibly and follow Government rules.

I hope all remains well with your family.

Reading these replies, I’m glad my mum, a spring chicken at 82, is taking the virus seriously.
She is remarkably fit and well, no health issues at all, walks 5 miles every day without fail, all her own teeth ?. She intends to live for at least another fulfilling 20 years and family history suggests that she will. So, she is incredibly careful and is taking every possible precaution.
It’s really discouraging to read all of the comments suggesting that the virus will be with us forever and that we need to get used to living with it. It won’t and we don’t.
It will be another year, max (6 months are more likely: I’m going for my first vaccine trial injection tomorrow and it’s all looking extremely positive) until we all have access to at least one vaccine or effective treatments. It’s really not so hard to be careful for a few more months.
Sorry, but being elderly doesn’t give you a free pass to put other people at risk.

Mynxie, we have the same dilemma with our mum who is 88. When we asked how she would cope if she got the virus, she stated that she had us ( her children) to care for her.
I don’t think she fully understands how dangerous that would be for both of us. We both have underlying health issue.
Perhaps she also, hasn’t really given that some thought?

God bless your mum and her spirit and may it live on in you
Eloethan you won’t hear me moaning about the young I think they are having a crap time when they should be footloose and fancy free Most of the young I know do wear masks I don’t blame them for a thing
I don’t think lockdowns work because we have to come out of them and it’s still there
Just take care wash more and wear your mask where you have to, but not out in the fresh air, breath in that fresh air as much as you can especially people who live in the countryside or by the sea

Your mum is 90, healthy and active - good for her. She probably wants to enjoy as much of her remaining time as she can. I say let her carry on going out and getting on with life.

The truth is, she's probably more likely to become ill or die of any of the other things elderly people are at risk from - stroke, heart attack, etc. than the virus.

Be glad that your mum is fit, well, and able.

I hope I’ve made it clear that I don’t and never have wanted my mother to be ‘locked up’ as you put it MerylStreep

I’m happy she is able and has the inclination to go out and about and for what it’s worth I have made her (and her friends) some pretty and well fitting face masks. Good idea about the soap and hand cream though, thank you.

I do agree about the inconsistency - Eloethan makes an interesting point I think. Might be worth a discussion under another topic.

she is carrying on as ‘normal’, using the bus for trips to the local city to mooch round the shops and going out with her friends for car trips to garden centres and suchlike.

Is this not allowed now, then?

The rules are so confusing.

We went to the garden centre last week. We had to wear masks.
I haven't been in a shop but DH has. He wears a mask.
I haven't been on a bus but then I never do. However, it is permitted and you have to wear a mask.
Presumably the friends are the same or or two people not random folk she finds at the bus stop.

Poor woman has not been anywhere since lock down- no public transport. The people who lived in daughter's house before they moved in last year- also looked after her- but they were a older couple. Some children truly do not deserve their inheritance, for sure. So sad.

biba70 Let’s hope she bequeaths her house to the cats’s home - or to your daughter!

In my view, there is also an inconsistency in many people's views on these sorts of issues.

On the one hand they will describe people, especially young people, as "selfish", "irresponsible", etc, etc, for flouting the rules but on the other hand there appears to be a much greater degree of tolerance for an elderly person doing the same. In reality, all categories of people may be carrying the virus.

Just out of interest, at what age do people believe is it acceptable for a person to flout the rules - 85, 89, 90+? (I'm on the old person's side by the way but I'm confused by the different attitudes expressed towards different age groups).

One of our daughters lives next to a very elderly lady, foreign born. Large house with massive garden, in a very isolated place. Her son and dil live just 15 mins away and have 2 cars. They have not been to see her for months. the property when sold will be worth lots and lots of lots 000 for redevelopment- space for 5 to 6 luxury homes worth a fortune each.

If it wasn't for daughter and her husband- she would have had no contact with anyone, and no shopping either. They regularly cook extra portions and take plates over. It is so tragic.

Compare that to you mum - and be happy she can get out and some life.

Also, even with the most conscientious people, it is not possible to eliminate risk completely.

Just living is a risk.
We can never live risk free.

Mynxie
So how long would you like to keep your mother locked up?
Because this virus isn't going anywhere soon, that's obvious.

This mindset has been encouraged by the government - i.e. if people fall ill it is because someone has flouted the "rules", which isn't that difficult to do, given that they seem to change from one day to the next and there are so many inconsistencies. Also, even with the most conscientious people, it is not possible to eliminate risk completely.

Unless every single person locks him or herself up, away from everybody else, and never ventures anywhere, this virus will continue to be contracted by people and will affect them to a lesser or greater degree. However, when people exit a lockdown, presumably the virus is there waiting. I recall a medical person saying that viruses don't retain their power to cause serious illness or death but eventually weaken and then disappear. Perhaps that should be the best we can hope for.

I really don't see why the elderly lady who fell over shouldn't go for a walk without being branded selfish, passive aggressive, etc, etc. The gentleman's wife has taken it upon herself to be constantly at her mother's side (and I am surprised that this is allowed). To visit for an entire day is completely over the top.

Mynxie I appreciate that you, like many other people, are nervous of the current situation regarding your Mum and I understand you fear catching the virus from her. I can only suggest that you explain that for the time being you will limit contact to telephone calls as you are frightened of getting the virus. In such a way, you have made your decision and she is at liberty to decide whether she wishes to alter her behaviour or not. It is not as if you would be leaving her isolated and alone because, as you say, she has several friends.

I would agree with those who say you may well be at more risk from mixing with the rest of your family, especially your grandchildren. Children are said to have far fewer, if any, symptoms and if they pick up the virus it may well go unnoticed for several days, if at all.

The transport company should be ensuring everyone wears masks on the bus, likewise shops should be making sure the rules are adhered to as well.

Unless she is in an otherwise crowded place she won't need to wear one.

Have you found out why she doesn't like wearing one? Perhaps the ones se has are uncomfortable or she feels she can't breathe properly in it.
Can you make or buy her some pretty masks that are comfortable which she may enjoy wearing? Buy her some lovely soap and handcream too?
You could make sure she washes her hands and wears a mask when she visits you or you go to see her to minimise the risk.

At 90 wouldn't you just want to squeeze as much enjoyment out of each day while you still can?

Yes she sounds amazing. However if she knows the rules but is negligent in following them, then it’s not only her own health she is risking but that of everyone she meets.

She sounds an amazing lady.

If one of your children is a key worker and your grandkids are at school they definitely pose a greater risk to you than your mum. They will be mixing with far more people.

Good for her she is obviously in the last few years of life and needs to be allowed to LIVE those years not just crumble away in ‘prison’ She’s out with friends in the cars and mooching around town so she’s not lonely if you are frightened For yourself mynxie stay away from her keep up the phone calls each day but let her stay inside and you talk to her through the window if you’re that worried
Your Mum has a great outlook “at 90+ somethings going to get me but I m not going to lie down and wait for it to happen I m going out enjoying myself”
If you go shopping have a frontline worker in the family and grandkids your mum won’t add much to what you are already working with

I would let her do her own thing but would make it clear that you cannot afford to visit her as you don’t wish to put yourself at risk. So far nobody has to wear masks outside, on transport/indoors is or should be enforced but that’s not your problem.

OK - she's 90+ but does this give her the right to go around unmasked infecting everyone else? Remember, the mask protects OTHERS, not the wearer.
Yes, the OP is right to be scared of her mother - her mother could kill her by being downright selfish, and I don't care what age her mother is, she has no God given right to go round doing this.
She is being childish.

I know neighbours just like your mom, I do think at 90 she should do as she wants, whilst you of course distance. She would be so lonely without her little support group. I am nowhere near you moms age and I can tell you the loneliness of being on your own is awful and I wonder if I should just risk it, but I don’t, I have kept to all the rules but feel depressed and life is hard.

She won’t meet me outdoors as she feels the cold too much to sit for long in the garden.

I don't blame her - she's 90!

Am I being silly?

Yep. I reckon you're more at risk from your children and grandchildren.

One of our nieghbours, a lady in her 90s has made absolutely no attempt to follow any of the Covid rules. Since it started she's simply carried on as usual. Goes out and about, visits friends (who must be like her) including for weekends, never wears a mask etc. She has no family at all and is very wealthy. We can only conclude that she just doesn't care what happens to her. I just don't know what would/will happen if/when she falls ill.