DH taking no action

Just to point out,In some areas in UK You DO need to pay council tax on an unoccupied property and after a length of time it goes up by 100%!!!! (I know because I am paying it on an inherited house)

Well, I was curious, so I looked it up.

You can get an overseas SIM phone card for £15 a month that gives you 250 minutes plus texts and data.

Is there a reason why you can't have that? I'd want it anyway regardless of the house issue.

There’s lots of good advice in this thread for Sing19, and I suggest she reads it through several times over a few days to help crystallise her own POV.

What will the funds arising from the sale of the family home be used for; after 37 years it is likely that the mortgage is history. I hope part can be dedicated to funding a small flat/house at home/in UK which might help the OP feel more secure, with her own bolthole ready.

The “estate” property can be left to Husband to cope with as OP has no financial interest in that?

Dealing with solicitors: its the “crying baby” syndrome here. Email every day if needed, perhaps numbering the repeated emails in the subject box. If challenged on this, just mention “paper trail” or “Complaints Procedure”, as that may sharpen their attention.

Having now read your further post Sing19, the issue is much more complex that it first seemed. Quite a few aspects are difficult. Feeling trapped is a horrible feeling. A gratitude list can help bring a balanced overview and it can also help us to see our situation fully. Personally I would need to have my own phone, bank account etc. Do you have people around you that you can speak to about all of the aspects. I hope you can find some peace in all of this.

As Monica said this is a lot bigger than the house sale. You are trapped in a country that does not recognise your freedoms. I think you should get out. One step at a time...you are right

Why on earth didn't you rent your house out instead of selling up! You sound like you may want to come back. If he's working and you're not, doesn't it make sense for you to handle all the household stuff. What else is there for you to do out there!

If I were him I’d be on flight sites now booking you a one way trip. You obviously don’t want to be there so leave.

I share your frustrations, living with someone myself who is less proactive than me but....do you really want to finish everything over this alone? Perhaps examine your motives. Is this the only reason for wanting out? If it’s truthfully more than this, consider your next move. If it’s just about the properties, I’d let it ride.

Are you planning to stay there for the rest of your lives.

If not, selling the house might not be the best move anyway.

If the plan is to relocate for ever, I think you seriously need to consider whether this is the life you want.

After my daughter was promoted and had to make a move back North (nearer home) we had two properties to sell. Luckily her house sold quite quickly but, even so, it seemed to drag on for ages once the solicitors got involved. I couldn't put my house on the market until we moved as I had my three grandchildren living with me as DD didn't want to move them part way through the school term and our plan was to move during the Summer holidays. Again, once on the market I had several offers and, eventually, a buyer- but I had to chase the estate agents constantly and then the same with the solicitor. I don't think they even consider how stressful the whole process is - whichever end of the purchase/sale you are. I was worn out by the end but it had to be done and my DD couldn't do much as she was in work all day and was under enough stress with having my ex son in law walk out on them, then getting her promotion and having to move on her own initially, plus finding somewhere to rent that was suitable for us. Sometimes you just have to get on with it - at least you have the satisfaction of knowing you got it under control and sorted out!

I do t understand why your husband has to make the phone call...maybe I am missing something here. Why cant you do it? Makes sense to me.

We are currently in a similar situation with selling two properties. It has taken for ever even with a good relationship with our buyers and constant badgering solicitors. Both sales involve mortgage applications. My understanding is that in the current situation the wheels are turning very slowly due to the complexities of financial regulations, Covid and large number of house sales currently. Having said all of that you must feel very frustrated and also having to deal with all the changes in your life. Take heart you are closer to the end than the beginning. Big hugs ?

Unfortunately house sales are like that, We're selling an empty house to a cash buyer and it has taken over three months and still no completion. I keep phoning the solicitor but they are waiting for the buyer's solicitor so we just have to wait too......

Sing19 your last post puts a very different complexion on matters. I deduce that you may be living in the Middle East or Gulf area, in which case you have my deepest sympathy. I know enough of working in those areas that DH and I early agreed that we would never accept an expat job there, no matter what the finacial advantages. DH worked in the oil industry, so it was always a possibility.

As you said earlier, taking a posting like that has definite pros and cons - and the cons are the very difficult living conditions, especially for women. I can see that your property problems are just the last straw, or should I say haystack, in what is actually a deep-rooted and structural problem in your relationship. You need to make your deep unhappiness clear to your DH and try to reach an understanding about it and then work to a solution. I obviously do not know your financial situation, but money isn't everything and sometimes personal relations are more important.

I think this current problem, is like an iceberg. Theproblem you discuss here is the 10%. The 90% is hidden underneath it.

After 50 years of marriage I have come to the conclusion that I love my DH half the time and spend the other half of the time planning my escape! I'm a 'doer', I plan, activate and complete all of the important jobs. If I wait for him to tackle the jobs, Hell will freeze over. I become frustrated then angry at the lack of motivation. Pick your battles and play to your individual strengths. Do what you're good at, leave your beloved to do his thing. This way your properties will get sold and you can get your teeth into something else, yes, there's always something else to be done.

I am guessing in 37 years this is not the first time you have the role of organisation monitor?
I speak from experience if both selling/ buying and moving abroad leaving behind family and friends .
I wonder then if "housegate" and the threat to pack your bags is the real reason for such unhappiness ,but missing the life you left behind.
Starting again in a new place is never easy and with cirona restrictions all the more hard.
You dont say how far away you are from UK but if funds allow could you not consider buying a small flat in the area you left as a bolthole for trips back.
Unless there us more going on in your relationship than the house,id get on and do it.
I expect it may be quite tough for your husband as well in a new job in a new country,being the new boy is never easy and guessing he is of an age when getting and keeping a job is a big worry for him.
I hope you work it out.

Sing19 I can't work here, I can't have my own bank account. I can't leave the country, well I can leave but I can't return without the company he works for agreeing and applying to the govt on my behalf. I feel trapped. I think this might be bigger than just a house sale.

I think you've hit the nail on the head - this is bigger than just a house sale. I hope you can work things through.

I can only offer you my mother's mantra: "Time and tide waits for no man; if you want a job doing then do it yourself!"

As you can probably guess I am the organiser/adminstrator in our house. It works for us both.

Your husband probably is carrying the “mental load” of his job, the family estate property as well as the house sale.

I would just get on and deal with it myself.

It’s only now I am older that I realise solicitors are acting for you and so it’s really ok to make demands and push them - I would just continue to make a daily call or e-mail and stress to them that time is now of the essence.

One friend told me her solicitor dragged on 2 years with something - and he freely admitted to her that it always sat in the bottom of his in-tray and he only worked on it when he had finished everything else!

Another (dynamic) friend told her solicitor “I am only placing this work with you if you undertake to do a completion in 2 weeks - and he did. I learnt from that ?

@janeparry re council tax and empty houses. That used to be the case but changed, we have to pay full council tax.

It is difficult when others don't do things that need doing. and anger and fear can escalate when we feel powerless in situations. As others have suggested you might have to take action. Also have you tried writing a 'gratitude list'. It works for me every time. When I feel dissatisfied, angry, dejected etc I know its time to make a list of what is good in my life. Why not write down all the things you do like about your husband to find the balance again. And right now it sounds like you are a fortunate person. You could be grateful you have a husband, are financially secure, have a home, have your health etc. Right now a lot of people have none of those things. What we put our attention on grows. We are all suffering at a deeper level at this time... its not easy and people are getting tense. We all react in different ways. I think quite a few people feel like leaving their other half!!

He left the country before me, I managed the renovations, packing, shipping and putting the house on the market. I'm tired to the bones of being the one that takes action, I've done it all through our relationship and only now that I'm not working (and probably have too much time on my hands) have I had time to realise this. The only phone I can make international calls on is his, it's not financially viable for me to have an international contract.

I can't work here, I can't have my own bank account. I can't leave the country, well I can leave but I can't return without the company he works for agreeing and applying to the govt on my behalf. I feel trapped. I think this might be bigger than just a house sale.

Thanks for reading and replying.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your replies.

You don’t have to pay council tax on an empty property?
I would ask for a refund!

I suppose the question is, does he actually want to return to the U.K.? Talk to him and find out whether he seriously does want to move or what’s holding him back. If it’s just he finds dealing with agents and solicitors difficult ask him to let you take control to get the house sorted as you’re living in limbo at the moment. You’ve been a long time married, presumably happily or is this now the time to consider what you want for your sunset years? Don’t make a rushed decision.

I realized a long time ago that some professionals seem to work on a 'Need to do' basis so that a lot of their work gets done in a 'back against the wall' situation. If it were me I would at least be sending them an email to bring matters to the fore then sending others at least every week until something is done.