DH taking no action

By the way you do have to pay council tax on an empty property now you didn’t until a few years ago when it changed

sandra, sorry to hear what you are dealing with.
i know how it feels. and second what you say.
try to live in the present moment. best wishes.

Thank you for answering the queries.

So pleased things seem to be better between you. Just one of the things that COVID has has a lot to answer for. I hope you will soon be able to travel and get to see your family.

I don't understand why you can't call the solicitor and do the chasing . Am I missing something?

Yes I get you. I’m like you. And hubby like yours. However we have just been told DH has terminal cancer. Devastated! Please cherish your DH faults and all. Life can change in a heartbeat. Deep breaths. Have a well deserved massage hairdo manicure. Then continue what your doing. This will finally be a memory to put behind you. But cherish your DH Whilst you can. You are very blessed.

Thanks for the update Sing19 - so glad that you had a heart to heart and feel happier about the situation
Take care x

You seem to have plenty of time on your hands so it would seem logical that you handle the house sale details as you have done with repairs. Whatever you decide to do you at least have family, friends and career skills to go back to.
You have been together for a long time and must be having thoughts of retirement. Do you not want to retire closer to family and friends? Did you consider renting out your house instead of taking the final step of selling?

Hi, thanks again for your comments and private messages of support. I've been asleep in a different time zone.

The company he works for do not like their staff taking a foreign secondment without their family/spouse as in the past it has caused issues. It wouldn't be possible to return every 6 weeks or so, especially at this time. At the moment they would know if i left the country and needed to return because I can't get back in without them applying to the govt on my behalf. Many companies have banned foreign travel unless it's an emergency because the cost of returning is expensive, not the flight but the cost of admin to get back in. Some spouses/families have not been together for months because of covid restrictions. I can leave of my own accord, I just can't return. It's not like the UK, you need govt permission and the govt place you in a hotel of their choice for 2 weeks quarantine. They transport you to the hotel. IF they allow you back in. If he had not taken this secondment with his existing company, he would have lost his job and that wasn't something either of us wanted to face as while I had a career, it didn't pay enough to keep us afloat. So yes, the whole job issue has caused a lot of stress and resentment which has been compounded by covid and the restrictions that has placed on us. We should have had visits from family and friends but that hasn't happened. We should have returned to the UK for a visit and that hasn't happened.

Thanks for the opportunity to discuss this and read your opinions, it was my first post. We had a heart to heart last night and he knows how if feel and doesn't want me feeling like this. He's a good person, we love eachother but it's been tough selling this property from a different time zone and even if we'd been in the UK, the sale would have been complicated. He tends to put his head in the sand when things get messy and I find this frustrating, he knows this!

Things have progressed slightly with the sale. We are near completion/exchange but it appears the buyer's solicitor has been on AL so hasn't dealt with it. Hopefully it will go through soon. For now my bags remain unpacked.

If that's the way you feel, I think you ought to go.
It really doesn't sound as if you have a solid relationship.

It sounds as if you have given up a lot for your OH, and feel he is not reciprocating. Unhappily, it does sound as if he's willing to accept that you have no status in your current life. I also can't understand what rights his employers have over your location but perhaps they have the same values as the country where you now live. However, you seem to have attracted OH's attention if he's made the phone call, so have a serious talk with him right now, perhaps over that cold drink. You haven't changed, you were an equal partner previously, so stress that there are unacceptable elements to your current life that need to be resolved. Condition 1, I'd suggest, is the phone. It is NOT too expensive for you to make an international call and is actually less ethical for you to use a work phone. If you sign up to WhatsApp it's free, or get a contract as suggested upthread. You can't have a phone contract in your own right so get him to agree immediately to sign a contract and give the phone to you. Condition 2, you can't have your own bank account so ensure you have equal access to a joint account, with you having joint right to manage the account. Probably not too different to how you managed it in the UK. Otherwise transfer money as required from his acc to one he opens now in his name for your sole use, or to your UK one - a bit more difficult to manage from abroad with some banks, but definitely not all of them. Condition 3, the house sales. Perhaps take a different approach to the house sales and deal with it as your current employment, for which he pays you (agree what this will be). Give yourself max working hours and rest periods so you don't overtire yourself and try to have more patience. It sounds as if you are almost there with your house, decide if you want to take over his house sale or not, if so ensure he signs enough letters to give you full control of it.

He says you are more pushy, so be pushy and regain some power. You do sound as if you would like to be with him so negotiate the solutions. I would guess he wants you to sort everything out because he doesn't have your confidence - I've sometimes pushed OH to do something and then he's made a mess of it - just because he's good at his job does not mean he's good at admin which is basically what house sales are. Fight the battles you can win now while you've got his attention and think how you can manage the work without feeling undervalued or overwhelmed. If this is not resolved to your satisfaction, go home for a 'vacation' and continue to sort it out while you are back. His employers need not know the reasons and cannot know whether you will be let back into the country so you can take as long as you want.

Sending you a hug and a cheers with your glass of wine, it will sort itself out even if it fells s—t at the moment. It’s hard moving, leaving a job, leaving trusted friends and family, I’ve done it too for my husband, these things do work out. X

grandtante*
I think post offices are a bit thin on the ground in the Middle East.

It sounds as if there is much more going on here than just a house sale.

Have you settled at all where you are? If not is your husband aware of how you feel? Does he care ?
It sounds as if you moved under duress which could leave you feeling bitter and resentful.

I think you have a lot of serious soul searching about what you really want.

Try to imagine coming back here and living in your old house. Trust your gut instinct to tell you if that would be the best thing to do.

My husband worked in the Middle East for five years. I had a very fulfilling and enjoyable job in England. We decided I would stay here! His contract was excellent. Every six weeks he came home and worked from home for two weeks. I had long holidays with my job so visited him at Easter and in the summer holidays. He had a month home at Christmas. It worked well and we paid for our three children to visit too. A little later OH had a job in a European country. Not such a good deal but it was only for two years. I met expat ladies in the ME and unless they were teachers could not work. They mainly did charity work, which is all very wonderful but most people like to exercise their brains. If I had gone to the ME, we would not have rented out our house. We heard too many horror stories. I think we would have arranged for our children, or other relatives, to stay at weekends or whatever.

Sorry if this has been mentioned I’ve come in at the tail end and tried to read it all.

Please contact your estate agent it’s their responsibility to progress things and they should have someone who is the Progressir. I work in an estate agents and my Manager gets sales thru - she’s extremely determined and knows all the solicitors and she is a determined Rottweiler as she doesn’t get paid for all the work we’ve done if it doesn’t complete. Market here is very fast people are having issues with mortgage offers though so you really need your agent to push and if their not ask them why their not (don’t worry estate agents are used to it!)

I would move back to UK if I were you. Start a new stress free life here. Let your husband visit you. Like it says in the song 'Don't worry, be happy'

would you move back to UK alone, and await his return, or not as the case may be.
am also puzzled by how his employer can require you to move overseas with him, if you are not employed by them.
or are you a stabilising influence, ie married men only. sounds odd now, but was once the case here too in some roles.
anyway, maybe you would both be calmer and have more fulfilling lives if you were not daily annoying each other, with clash of personalities and your being cut adrift from meaningful activity.
good luck.

Are we talking Middle East here?

It is tough being an expat wife in such places, most especially if you’ve had an independent and fulfilling life in the U.K. Suddenly one becomes nothing more than one’s husband’s hanger-on. It’s depressing and demeaning and it puts huge pressure on the dynamic between a couple. I’m guessing this may have some bearing on how the OP is feeling.

Some people find ways to deal with these things, and learn to absolutely love the expat life. Others never really navigate the changed status. It’s not a failure to say ‘I can’t live like this’ and discuss other ways to maintain your relationship - perhaps a long distance marriage with time together when he is on leave or when you visit. Or it may mean that there has to be a difficult conversation that says ‘your job or your marriage’.

You do have to pay council tax on empty properties in many places in th UK. It is a local authority decision so you are very lucky if they have chosen not to charge.

From someone who has also been an ex-pat... What's your own? Being abroad, have you safeguarded your own pension by paying NICS etc? Do you have sufficient to cope should something happen to him? Friends who moved to France were rather shocked by the inheritance laws which could have made her move home to an acceptable standard of living if himself had passed away, almost impossible. Personally, I'd go home, ditch the buyer and hold on to a base to come home to. If he has to make an effort to get you back via the company (where are you?) then you'll find out what his priorities are. If it's empty, you may be paying in excess of 100% council tax buy the way depending on the council, so moving home could reduce this with a single persons discount. Being the person who makes the decisions is far easier than the person who hangs on them and has little or no control.

I am so pleased he has made the call but, I do worry that you sound very unhappy living where you are. Maybe you will be a little more relaxed now that he is doing what you have nbeen asking him to do?

I am curious about his employer not allowing you to stay in the U.K., What has it to do with them. You had your own career in the U.K. Does your husband’s company actually have that right? In your position, I would be furious (even if I had wanted to go with him!)

Sing you sound a bit more cheerful or at least less at the end of your tether! Hope life improves for.

Sounds like you've done a great job so far.
Sure, if you want to end your 37 year relationship, then certainly go ahead.
Otherwise just carry on doing a great job, you sound organised and efficient.
Based on the past evidence you provide of your husband's behaviour, it seems unlikely that it will change.
Either accept that fact or make the big changes if that is what you really want.
It's a tough time and everyone is very stressed.
Don't make a big decision whilst feeling emotionally upset.

@Dibbydod I'm so sorry you lost your partner, it must be a particularly difficult time to be alone with all the uncertainty around. Take care ❤

We're also selling an inherited property and the buyer's solicitors are dragging their heels for no particular reason that I can see they've had the paperwork from our solicitor for over a month and still haven't completed their searches. The buyer has reassured us that all's going smoothly from his side so all I can think is that the lawyers have furloughed everyone they can and hence are not able to get on with the necessary work in a timely fashion.