I feel so guilty

Thank you all for responding.
GillT57 the main reason I rarely saw my mother in the 70s and 80s was she was often abroad for months at a time sometimes taking youngest brother with her. While I understand I could’ve bused to see her equally she could’ve visited me, I did have 2 children. As years went on I was the only one who did visit or look out for her. The money from her house went towards buying a house when my husband retired as before that the house we lived in went with his job.

Try not to feel guilty. I cannot see that you have any reason to do so.

Your mum made a decision regarding how she wanted to leave her property and I assume she had thought it through.

Whether she did or not, there is nothing much you can do about it.

If property is not left equally between siblings and sometimes even if it is, one of them will always feel ill done by.

I am not trying to hint that your mother was wrong. I am sure she had good reason for what she did, as did you when you accepted the bequest. I'm just trying to say that inheritance in nine cases out of ten causes hard feelings to some extent and I think you should just try it ignore your brother's hints.

I agree with you MOnica and would be very suspicious of this relatively sudden appearance by the brother. Loulou31 I wouldn’t feel guilty, you are in accordance with your Mother’s will and I’m sure she’d be pleased you are looking after your future too.

Your mum made her will 10 years prior to her death so had plenty of time to change it, had she wanted to. It sounds as if she wanted to even things up and that was her way of doing it. You don’t say you lost contact with her so I presume the difficulties of distance, lack of money and no phone restricted contact to letter writing and cards. She wanted you to have it, don’t feel guilty and enjoy helping your grandchildren. Ignore your brother’s hints.

I can understand feeling a need to help the brother if the OP had had a long continuous close and loving relationship with her brother, but although they speak regularly now, she seems to previously to have had very little contact with him.

I would be nervous that this relationship had grown up now because he needed money and hoped that his sister would take over 'lending' him money now their mother has died.

I would close your ears and purse to requests for loans or gifts.

I would broadly agree with those who say that your mum took into account any possibly 'inequality' when she made her will, and that is that.
Having said that, I think most of us in a similar position would feel a bit uncomfortable. I am interested in your husband's position on this and wonder how you divide up money in your household? For instance, when we inherited our parents' money, my sister felt quite strongly that it was 'hers' - not her husband's. She keeps it for treats, for helping out family etc. (FYI they inherited nothing from her husband's family)
We however, have always pooled our money, and so decisions about 'helping out' family members has always been a joint one - and indeed did cause a little friction awhile ago.
So in your position, my sister would make the decision completely for herself, whereas I have to make it jointly with DH (and so would he)

I would say that if you decide to 'help out' make it one-off, so you know where you stand both emotionally and financially. Set aside a similar amount should the other brother come calling. Certainly don't make it any more than you can reasonable afford. If you had a baby young, you must have had some tough financial times, so don't make yourself short now - I'm sure your mother wouldn't wish it!

Although this was not what you asked, I have to say this is rather a sad story, certainly from your Mother's point. Many of us managed to keep in touch in the pre historic 70s, even without a car or a phone, and how do you know she spoilt your brothers if you hardly saw her and never saw them? You must do as you see fit, but frankly if I had been your Mother I would have disinherited the lot of you and left my money to a worthwhile charity!

It seems to me that you have not received more money than your brothers.

You obviously left home very young and did not sponge off your mother when times were tight. Meanwhile at home your brothers were, as you say, spoilt rotten and later your mother was always 'lending' them money, which I doubt was ever repaid.

You had nothing from your mother until she died, as I understand from your post, so your brothers received their share of the value of the house in all the other money your mother gave or 'lent' to them during her life.

Your mother saw this inequality, so evened it up by giving you the house. So, sympathise with your brother, but do not succumb to any emotional blackmail, should your brother try and touch you for a loan. You have all three over your mother's lifetime and through her will had roughly even shares of your mother's assets.

I think it all depends on how you would feel if you didn’t help. They were your mother’s wishes....but the money is now yours to do with as you see fit. I don’t think others can really answer this, as we haven’t lived your life. If it were me.....hypothetically, because I know I would never get an inheritance anyway, I think I would want to help, but obviously can’t know for sure. Go with your gut. It’s about being at peace, and drawing lines under past events.

My mum passed away three years ago we all seven of us got the same amount of money. A family member paid debt off and has not stopped complaining about money since. I have helped in the past but I have decided some people never stop asking for handouts.

I would feel guilty in the same position, inheriting the house and money.

I suspect my mother will do the same thing and not leave equal amounts to myself and siblings. We will share it equally after she has gone so as not to cause resentments.

I dare say people will say those were her wishes and should be respected but she will not know about it, the people it effects will.

Your mum decided to leave you her house as she was entitled to do and your share of her cash which implies your brother/s got their share.
It’s up to you if you want/can offer him money but he hasn’t asked and even if he had there is no obligation to give it.

You don’t say how old your brother is , but presumably he is at a stage where he has sorted his life out. Maybe he is short of cash because he wastes money?

Whatever the reason it isn’t yours to sort out for him, your Mum left her property to you because she wanted too, don’t feel guilty about it.

Of course he might only be in touch with you because he thinks you will give him money, my brother was like that with my Mum and it didn’t end well.