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Mum that is not great

(16 Posts)
SANDY2020 Sat 13-Feb-21 15:47:20

I moved out my mums after hell of a year relationship break up , nearly died of Covid and afew other things stress has been unreal was living with mum until recently and I had to move out get a room rent as was unbalanced and argueing I’m fourty and she wants to tell me what to do and rule my life fast forward two months met a fantastic man I’m moving away with him and looking forward to a change and looking for a new job I’m a care assistant so shouldn’t be to hard I don’t think!!my question is my sister and grown up son know that I’m seeing this man and my plans my mum I’m still having a Rocky relationship with and I’ve not told her the grief etc it would cause her and me he’s gets keys to a council flat in March am hopeful to join him soon I get a job but when do I tell mum was thinking to once I get new job and am actually going sounds unfair but she will really make my life unbearable

Chestnut Sat 13-Feb-21 15:54:51

The meaning of your post would be a lot clearer if you used punctuation. I think I get the gist. It sounds as though you're rushing into a new relationship very quickly, which may bring more problems down the road. Take some time alone to get to know yourself first. And to get some balance in your relationship with your mother. When you feel more 'together' then that's the time to start a new relationship.

donna1964 Sat 13-Feb-21 17:09:02

Sounds to me a little bit soon to moving in with your dont know him properly...if at all. For safery sake I would give it more tim before I went off and made a life with him. I am not saying its not going to work...I am saying to give it adequate time before you move in and get to no him warts and all. Your in a honeymoon period with this bloke...we have all been there and I really do hope he is what you say he is... a lovely man. God knows the fellas ive met along the way thinking the same and 6 months to 8 months they show their true colours.
Why up sticks and move away so soon...what if it does not work out??? You are away from everyone you know, you have given up your home to be with him and by that stage if it does not work out...he wont care if he has left you on the street....thats reality.
No doubt you have told him about your problems with your Mum and he will see you are vulnerable...some people play on the be careful. I know this is not what you will want to hear but it has to be said....only given time will you know if this relationship will work out.
You say your Mother is difficult and gives you a bad time...well, you have done something right about that and moved out and give yourself some distanve from your Mum.
Sounds like you have had a hard time of it...please dont add to your problems with this new relationship. I know you are looking for some happiness and you deserve it...just give it some time with this new fella...let him come visit you and you go visit him for at least 12 see if the relationship will work out. If he wont agree to it...dont do it and go with what he wants as it will be a 'big' mistake. If he thinks enough of you he will understand you must be careful.
I think this needs to be the priority before you tell your Mother anything.

Mapleleaf Sat 13-Feb-21 17:19:07

Proceed with caution. There's no need to rush into moving in with this man you hardly know. Give it time. Give yourself a breathing space. I understand your need to move out of your Mothers home if the relationship between you is tense, but you could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. What does your sister and son think of your plans? You don't have to answer that here, but if they are saying the same as we are here, then perhaps you need to listen. Good luck.

tiredoldwoman Sat 13-Feb-21 17:23:41

Sometimes a Mum 'telling me what to do ' is her way of expressing concern in what you are actually doing . She's looking on worried about you , your health , this new boyfriend . You see her fears as criticisms as you're hopeful about this new relationship
I think you might be jumping out of the frying pan into a fire ?
Take time , look after yourself , you've had a rough time but try to understand Mum , too ? x

Gwenisgreat1 Sat 13-Feb-21 17:29:49

I think you are looking for an escape from your mother so moving in with this bloke, I agree you are possibly going from the frying pan into the fire. Why don't you get a live-in care assistant job and take a breather while you think what is right for you?

SANDY2020 Sat 13-Feb-21 17:58:48

Thanks all for comments I have to admit yes the escape from my mum is a good option and appeals the chance to have my own home again also but I truely do love him if it doesn’t work out worst that can happen I have a job in a new area and move back into a new room rent least in big town more options

TrendyNannie6 Sat 13-Feb-21 19:38:17

By the sounds of things you have had a bad time, you say you have had a hell of a year including a relationship breakup, but I wouldn’t be going anywhere with any man so fast , least of all a man I’ve known two months! I think you need time alone to find yourself first, sorry to hear you haven’t been getting along with your mum, but have you thought the fact your mum is in your words telling you what to do, could it be that she’s worried about you Sandy2020! You might be 40 but mums can be concerned and will voice their opinions especially if you are living under her roof,reading your second post tells me you will do what you want to do as you sound besotted with this man, while it’s none of my business I think falling in love after two months is pretty quick, I wish you all the best and hope you have found a good man Sandy,

BlueBelle Sat 13-Feb-21 20:02:27

Knowing someone for two months after a relationship break up, CoviD, lack of independent living, difficult relationship with mum is a recipe for disaster

You re really not ready for a new relationship whether you think you love him or not I agree with all the other posters it’s all too soon take it easy and get to know the guy before burning your bridges

As Judge Judy always says you only have one Mum

harrigran Sun 14-Feb-21 08:26:03

You can not possibly know this man in such a short time, be very careful indeed.

Katie59 Sun 14-Feb-21 10:44:28

A girl has to take a risk, this man makes you happier than before so you are sure to give it a go, hope it works out for you, there are good men out there.

Katie59 Sun 14-Feb-21 11:41:03

I was in pretty much the same place a couple of years ago, walked out on my ex and stayed in mums box room, it was OK at first but we very quickly got on each other’s nerves. I love my mum but living in the same house was not good for either of us, so ended up staying a couple of nights a week with a girlfriend.
Then I got asked for a date, yes it was too soon, but after you have had no affection for years, you don’t say no to any reasonable offer. After a few weeks I was staying over at his place, after 2 months I moved in, crazy, I was 60, 2 yrs on I’m so happy. Mums happy too

Ngaio1 Sun 14-Feb-21 17:23:31

Difficult post to read because of lack of punctuation and spelling errors. However, I struggled through and think you may have a better relationship with your Mother when you have moved. Look for a quiet time to tell her - having a coffee together may be an idea.

welbeck Sun 14-Feb-21 18:06:15

OP, are you rather impetuous, the way you write, as a kind of continuous stream of consciousness, and rushing into moving in with a new man, suggests you may be.
perhaps that is why your mother is concerned about your decision-making; maybe she is worried for you, doesn't want you to fall into another regrettable relationship.
you say you want your own home again, but it won't be your home, you will be staying in his home, so that puts you at a disadvantage.
why don't you consider doing some live-in work, it pays well, somewhere to stay pro tem, and would give you time to carefully consider your next move.
don't jump feet first. stand back. take your time.
don't make yourself vulnerable. good luck.

FarNorth Sun 14-Feb-21 18:16:39

Good advice from Donna.

just give it some time with this new fella...let him come visit you and you go visit him for at least 12 see if the relationship will work out. If he wont agree to it...dont do it and go with what he wants as it will be a 'big' mistake. If he thinks enough of you he will understand you must be careful.

FarNorth Sun 14-Feb-21 18:19:14

If you are definitely going, it sounds like it would be best to tell your mum very near the time, as you say.

Mum may be only wanting the best for you, as others have said, but if you're determined to ignore what she says there's no point in causing trouble sooner than you have to.