Diabetes and help from partner

I am sorry you are having to deal with this - and I guess it is likely to be about his feeling of control - or fear of 'giving you control over him'. Not uncommon - not very mature - a kind of unconscious game: "see if you can make me!" In my experience - and is this sexist? - a woman is far less likely to take this stand - and far more likely to say something like "Oh! I am glad you explained that to me. I will put my treats out of sight - if I forget, just remind me." But of course not all women would do that either - just maybe more likely to do it. Many relationships have a 'secret' struggle to establish a happy 'balance of power' - painful, and great if they get beyond it, to somewhere more trusting and mutual.

My goodness , what a very self centred man he is. I have type 2 diabetes, which has happened over the last couple of years. My lovely husband died 4 years ago and so I am on my own, and have to sort it myself with no support. It is difficult when you get low to stick to the correct diet and I do find that not keeping a lot of forbidden foodstuffs in the house is the best for me. I do keep a little amount of dark chocolate, as I found if I was feeling desperate for something and there was nothing here I would go out to buy something and get more than keeping that small amount to stop me going over the top. We all have our bad times and at the moment I am coping with cancer treatment and moving house, so cannot say I am taking as much notice of my diet given the circumstances. But I can keep the temptations away by not buying them and not having them in the house. My husband was a very supportive person and I could not imagine him behaving in that way. Whether it is total selfishness , that your husband doesnt care how difficult he is making it for you, or he is behaving like a 5 year old "nah nah ne nah nah see what I have got" doesnt matter . He is not only not helping you , he is actively putting you in an unfair situation, which is dangerous in the long term for your health . So , what does he particularly like or dislike. For example , if he dislikes cheese, serve cheese at every meal for a month. If he loves cereal dont buy any and even better put an empty box in the cupboard and throw the contents away. Have a second empty box in the store cupboard so that it looks as though there is a spare there . Say nothing and when he looks and sees there is none there and is either upset or angry you can say "Well now you know what it is like for me and it is not just something you choose not to eat. It is important that you dont eat it for your healths sake. If he sees the point you may be able to work out a system that will work .You could always hit him where it hurts in his wallet, buy another fridge and have a his and hers. Cheaper version is that he gets a cupboard perhaps out in a shed , if he has one, where he can go and gorge if he wants but NOT in front of you. In the end you have to work out a way for you to live safely and comfortably without a lot of stress. You can do without endless arguments and atmosphere to cope with on top of everything else. Do you have any other friends who are diabetic? Try to get together with someone you like , it is no good being together just because you have diabetes. It is finding a friend to enjoy other pleasant things together - going for walks , swimming when we are allowed to do so etc. It takes your mind off all this. You could have simple meals together occasionly knowing that you will be making food that is suitable for you, take turns in making a picnic , so you have a little surprise. something you havent cooked. Just go on your picnic and let your husband make his own meals of whatever he wants when you are out, so long as he does not leave his food in front of you. You only have one life and I feel we are all entitled to enjoy as much as possible of it , so long as we are not causing harm to others . Only you know what is important for you, but having a life of constant stress cannot be a good way to live.

Has he always been like this, how long hace you been together?
I have known people who have rfused to take serious conditions seriously, teachers, grandparents, and the like. My own ex husband was uncooperative and was very cross with me because our children had problems with some food, allergy related. On the very rare occasion he shopped and had to read labels, he got angry. It was my fault that the doc had advised that. I wonder if your husband is a bit like hin

Mini2020

Very difficult! What about visiting family and friends (when we can) would you ask them not serve anything you couldn’t eat?

Actually given that in normal times we eat with friends/family pretty often, I had so many requests about DH’s new diet that I sent everyone a leaflet I designed. They were delighted to know the parameters because they love him and want him safe and healthy. I remember saying to one friend how lovely everyone had been and he burst out laughing, reminding me how for decades I’d catered to their Jewish dietary requirements whilst other friends ( one vegetarian, one gluten intolerant) said just the same thing.

Very difficult! What about visiting family and friends (when we can) would you ask them not serve anything you couldn’t eat?

or chuck out his sweet treats

Quote Chaitriona Fri 26-Mar-21 13:.....I understand how hard it is if you see it in front of you.
Perhaps I am off the mark here. Just something to consider. Your health is the most important consideration. Good luck.

Thanks. Agree about when it’s in front of you. Maybe there is more going on than I’m aware of.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 26-Mar-21 11:34:40
My husband is an alcoholic who has taken the decision and done the hard work involved to stop drinking.
......It would worry me, as I would be afraid I was making it more difficult for him to resist temptation.

Thank you. That’s exactly how I would behave if it were him that had diabetes.

I am a sugar addict trying not to eat it so I understand how hard it is if you see it in front of you. I am not sure about showing you everything he had bought. Has he got some reason to undermine you? It seems quite abusive. Is he overweight? Maybe you showing strength of will makes him feel bad about himself or insecure. Perhaps I am off the mark here. Just something to consider. Your health is the most important consideration. Good luck.

Goodness how insensitive of him. I am the same but cutting sugar due to cancer. We now each have a snack drawer. Give him a special cupboard for all snacks.

Santana Fri 26-Mar-21 12:03:10
I think you have plenty of willpower, otherwise your husband's head would be jammed in the freezer with his lemon pie.

Well that made me laugh anyway!

JenJenT

I know of someone who had to have a toe amputated because of diabetic foot ulcer complications only a few months ago, so it is still a potential problem.. I wonder what makes the husband here “tick”. Is he a fact and figures man, or a “don’t think too much, just do something...? Thinking that through might help you find the most effective way of tackling things. If he is a fact and figures guy, then do finger prick blood tests in front of him so he can see/hear (modern machines give the results audibly) the results, particularly after a “treat”. If he is a headless chicken type, then tell him specifically what you do want as a treat if he feels like getting you one. Otherwise, I like the idea of having a dig at his growing memory problems that his forgetfulness about what treats you are allowed shows. That may be the most effective way of dealing with it, because you are putting the onus on him to demonstrate he is not losing it!

Sadly, he’d freely admit to being forgetful!

I know of someone who had to have a toe amputated because of diabetic foot ulcer complications only a few months ago, so it is still a potential problem.. I wonder what makes the husband here “tick”. Is he a fact and figures man, or a “don’t think too much, just do something...? Thinking that through might help you find the most effective way of tackling things. If he is a fact and figures guy, then do finger prick blood tests in front of him so he can see/hear (modern machines give the results audibly) the results, particularly after a “treat”. If he is a headless chicken type, then tell him specifically what you do want as a treat if he feels like getting you one. Otherwise, I like the idea of having a dig at his growing memory problems that his forgetfulness about what treats you are allowed shows. That may be the most effective way of dealing with it, because you are putting the onus on him to demonstrate he is not losing it!

And sorry fuseta I won't be trying your herbal remedy or your recipe either.

Sunflower2
Why' humour' him?
Why not ? some other time dear', or what ever your choice of endearment, then conveniently forget.

suziewoozie

JaneA

There are many foods 'specially for diabetics, suggest he 'treats' you with one of those.

These are far from unproblematic.

And they're a waste of money. Just learn to read carbohydrate content and eat "normal" food, but probably in smaller portions and avoid anything which is high carb in relation to the nutrition it provides.

If he didn't hide the treats out of sight then I would do it.You could put them in a tupperware box in the fridge or an airtight tin if they can can be stored out of it. Stick a note on the lid so he knows where they are & that you mean business, keep it up and it will stick eventually. Also when he calls you to look at what he just bought, say something like "if it's sweets & treats no thank you" then don't go and look.

As I’ve stressed, I definitely don’t expect him to restrict himself. He can have anything he wants, and eat it in front of me. No problem. If I was responding to the question that he COULD’VE asked, ie. ‘What can I do to help you?’ I would’ve said, ‘Well, if you could just keep your sugary snacks covered that would be a great help’. He didn’t ask the question so I asked him anyway.

My DH is T2 and is on Metformin, which wasn't really working and I am the chocoholic. I read about a herbal renedy called Curalin and all the reviews were too good to be true. Anyway, I decided to order some just to see. Within 2 days, his BS had gone from 18 to 6 and has remained at that level ever since. It is quite expensive but totally worth it. They sell it onAmazon. The other thing is that I was given a recipe for a treat that works for both of us. Just mix a packet of crushed almonds, a packet of coconut, the inside of a large sweet potato (which lowers blood sugar anyway) and a melted big bar of strong bitter dark chocolate all together. I also add a couple of tablespoons of powdered sweetener. When all mixed, press into a square container and put in the fridge until set. I also spead a little melted chocolate on the top. When set, cut into small squares and put into a container. I make a batch a week for both of us and no longer buy any biscuits, cake or chocolate. A couple of squares a day are very rich and satisfying and DH is fine eating that.

NHS Advice is that ’ Diabetic’ foodstuffs are no better that regular food - it is a marketing ploy

My son became T1 in his early twenties. He is now married to a wonderful woman who NAGS HIM INCESSANTLY if he strays. That is the way it should be.
I personally think that your husband should only indulge in such 'treats' outside of your line of sight. It is unfair and selfish of him to do otherwise.
Does he not realise the dire implications of out of control diabetes?
My grandmother (ok... it was quite a time ago, but...) lost both her legs and her sight to diabetes.
IT IS NOT to be taken lightly.
Be stern with him, if he gets cheesed off, that is his problem.

I have steroid induced diabetes 2 for an auto immune condition (would wreck my liver without steroids) so I cannot consume alcohol either. I do not deprive myself completely of sweets, and occasionally have a breakout, (not good but I’m human). It never occurred to me to ask my partner not to drink alcohol or not to eat sweets/cakes in front of me. I read somewhere that teacakes are better than full blown gateaus etc, so maybe there are some less damaging treats you could have when your DH has his?

Have you tried actually telling him what would be acceptable treats in your opinion?
Maybe a nice handcream, or a bunch of flowers every week if he wants to buy you something regularly.
Lots of people can't think outside the box of what they themselves would perceive as a treat.

If he does buy you something unsuitable, say, "Well I'm sure you'll enjoy it, because I can't eat it as you very well know. Did you forget again? Because this seems to be a regular thing now, do you think you maybe have a short-term memory problem?"
Put the ball in his court and he might think twice in future!

I am highly Coeliac, and have been for years. Being Gluten-free is automatic now, my DH has always been extremely supportive, which is more than can be said for some so-called Friends, who manage to 'forget' that one cannot eat bread, biscs, gravy, flour etc.

The consequences are NOT NICE!!! But they think it only being 'faddy'. No it is not.

JaneA

There are many foods 'specially for diabetics, suggest he 'treats' you with one of those.

These are far from unproblematic.