Diabetes and help from partner

I think there’s something quite complicated going on here vis a vis your DH and food - is he perhaps a bit overweight himself and doesn’t want you to be in control of what you eat? I’m a chocoholic and would be really really annoyed if a partner (‘luckily’ I’m a widow) kept thrusting temptation under my nose.
Next time he leaves tempting but forbidden stuff lying around why don’t you put them in a bag and deposit them at your nearest food bank? He’ll soon learn to remember how to keep his goodies out of sight!
It’s really not a lot to ask of him. As you say, if you were an alcoholic would he flaunt alcohol in front of you? I do actually know of a husband who used to do just that and they’re now divorced!

Mine is slightly different to yours. It's my husband who has diabetes, not me. But it's also him who keeps putting the chocolates etc in the trolley, even tho I keep asking him not to. I' very rarely eat chocolate etc. As I'm trying to not put on too much weight. We've had many, many arguments about this. As I keep telling him it affects me as well as him. So sunflower2 I say resist the temptation,and keep speaking to your husband about how you feel about it.

Caragran, yours is just the typical response who has no idea of the psychological or physical effects of pre-diabetes or diabetes. You can't eat chocolate which you don't seem to have a problem with. Diabetics can't eat a lot of carbohydrates which covers such a vast range of things. Research is starting to show that the current thinking of the healthy plate is not the way to go with Diabetes so a lot of the nice carbs like Pasta, Chips, fruit, etc are going to be very limited if you want to better manage your glucose levels. Oh, and cut out alchohol too because that's not good for diabetics. Sunflower2 exercises self control and is asking for help to manage something which will kill her if she falters. I can exercise self control if I am not being reminded 24/7 what I am missing. I resist the urge of tv adverts, manage to stop buying the stuff in the supermarket and manage to resist when I am offered stuff from well meaning friends. However, in my own home living with someone who is supposed to love and care for me, it seems like as small ask to place the KitKats being the healthy yogurts!
I don't think it is unreasonable to ask somebody not to keep their "treats" in full view so you are always being reminded about what you can't have. My late sister had Cystic Fibrosis and couldn't eat chocolate, milk products, etc. We would never have taunted her with chocolate out of sensitivity to her feelings.

Just throw out what you can see without discussion. If he asks just say i put them where i cannot see them, in the bin. Soon he will learn to hide it . Learning from experience.

I am wondering if these 'treats' are actually for him too. Or at the least it makes him feel better for indulging. A bit like alcoholics, they always try to force another drink on others to make themselves feel better. I can't imagine doing the same to someone who is actively trying to improve their health. You might agree a small bar of dark chocolate or something once a week and leave it at that. You are not being unreasonable at all, I would simply ignore him the next time he tries to show you the stash from the supermarket, just don't go there. Concentrate on having those foods snacks that you enjoy that are actually beneficial for your health.

What a selfish so and so - get rid!!

Gods. I remember my own diabetes diagnosis, and the huge struggle I had giving up carby treats. My heart goes out to you - and I would consider his actions cruel in the extreme; grounds for divorce.

Oh - I have to say it sounds like he was deliberately taunting you with all that stuff! Not very nice at all. He's either being deliberately horrible to you or he's totally dense and insensitive. Sorry. Chuck all his sweet stuff out in the bin.

My son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when he was 6 (he is 30 now) I have three children and once he was diagnosed we had a rule - if he cant have it, no one can - the other kids had no issue with this and my son's diabetes was managed really well. Until he got older and discovered alcohol - but thats a whole other story.

Frankly? I'd be furious and very hurt. How incredibly selfish of him to behave like this. I've lived with my man for almost 30 years and only shock and awe tactics would work on him if he'd got to that stage. So:
First, I'd ask him if he was trying to kill me and who was he hoping to replace me with because that could only be the reason why he was trying to destroy my health... That suggestion would be to shock him into listening.
Second, then I'd tell him that every time I see one of his sweet treats brazenly openly in front of me in the fridge or cupboard it'll go straight in the bin. And I mean it and I would do it - zero tolerance policy on this.
Third, if he ever flaunts his special treats in front of me again they will go straight in the bin as soon as his back is turned.
You have to work out what will get his attention and do it. This is either malicious behaviour designed to upset you or pure laziness because he doesn't really care about your health and feelings. So, I'd take it very seriously indeed. If it's the first I'd leave - I've no time for that kind of nastiness, if it's the second then he needs to rethink his priorities if he wants our relationship to continue. If it was my man it would probably be down to pure laziness. Either way, really unacceptable and you have my sympathy.

That was not fair to do that on you. Don't make him his healthy dinner and set him his lemon tart down instead. He'll be bouncing of the walls come bedtime.

Some pretty drastic recommendations! Why don’t you put everything in a bag and hide it! Even better throw it away!

Extremely inconsiderate of him. Just picked them up put them in the bin outside and keep on doing that until he gets the message. If the temptation is too great just think of them as a gun or a knife that could kill you.

I would tell him to leave. He is not a caring man.

When OH was diagnosed as pre-diabetic, I asked the organiser if I could go on the DESMOND course with him as he wouldn't have told me more than a sentence about it and, let's face it, I do the cooking. We did really well with the new diet and the nurse told him the diabetes was in remission. What a mistake. He now feels justified in having cake, ice cream etc.
I think part of the problem Sunflower2 might be that your partner can't resist sweet things either and only feels justified if you have them too. Provide proper containers, just for him, biscuit and chocolate tin, cake box etc and tell him to put them straight in there. It's up to you to keep out then!

I have an allergy to chocolate and have had for past 35 years but I never stopped my children or husband eating it. Never stop my grandchildren from eating it now, in fact I always buy chocs ready for when they visit and I always buy chocolate cake for special family occasions. You just have to have willpower.

sounds either stupid or passive-aggressive. probably just utterly thoughtless. Since it was proved and reported in New Scientist that we will eat what is in sight I have learnt to keep my temptations in the cupboard...and I'm not diabetic just can easily put on weight. I leave fruit and veg in view...so you are right. It is not too much to ask if he wants to help you. keep on at him....

Personally, if you don't have children to consider, and even if you do perhaps - I'd leave him. His behaviour would be telling me loud and clear that he did not love me, nor want to support me through dealing with a disease which can significantly lower your life expectancy if not properly managed. It wasn't just "thoughtless" of him to actually ask that you come and look at all the treats he'd bought today - it was borderline sadistic. And to say "I thought you'd like a treat" when he knows you're battling to keep to a sensible diet for a diabetic was cruel too. Frankly, I think he's got a really mean streak, and doesn't give a sh*t about your welfare and happiness.

I would throw them in the bin if I saw them in the fridge. Horrible I know but if he can't consider you in this way then maybe that would remind him.

He is selfish like the majority of men

nadateturbe
I don’t mind (too much) if my husband eats sweet things in front of me. I have no problem with him buying ANYTHING he wants for himself. All I asked was that he simply keep it in the carrier bag when it comes through the door and keep it there so I don’t have to look at it. I felt the burden of having diabetes and all it entails, plus the burden of having to constantly try to get him onboard. I asked if he would go on a course for partners of diabetics, (not that I know of any), and he said he would. I don’t think for a moment he is purposefully ‘flaunting’ what he can eat in front of me, just lack of awareness and thought, plus remembering. Although, when you’ve told him many times, you do start to wonder! He tried putting ‘post it’ notes on the fridge to remind him to hide puddings, but once they’d fallen off he reverted back. I fail to understand why he needs reminders! Is it a man thing?
Yay! A square of dark chocolate! I’m cheering for you. Well done!

Sunflower I said, Could you stop going on about sweet things and he said sorry. Your husband sounds very like mine. He too has been asked to think about it or look up info on prediabetes and didn't.
I think it will be impossible to get him totally on board. I think it's a case of having to just constantly say, Don't eat that in front of me. I don't think they are being purposely unkind. Selfish, possibly, or an age thing, possibly. In any case your post has made me think and although I would not want to stop my husband enjoying things he likes, I will insist on limiting what we buy, because it' makes sense for both of us.
Perhaps printing out something informative and putting it on the fridge door might be a reminder.
I managed to get through a whole day without anything more than a square of dark chocolate, thanks to this thread.

surely you are not taking seriously his excuse re treats ?
it's. all. about. him. treats for him.

Why not just give the treat of really loving you by supporting you?

nadateturbe
It is hard to comprehend. Did you say anything to your husband?
My husband is also intelligent. I’ve tried to reopen the conversation tonight to ask if he had thought about what I’d said. He said he hadn’t, and clearly didn’t want to have another conversation about it, saying, ‘Yes. You were right!’ I felt it was dismissive and more about avoiding another conversation. I haven’t got to the root of what goes through his mind when he considers buying me a ‘treat’. It seems to be more about him and how he feels about giving it. Why not give me some bath product, clothes, jewellery? Ha ha!