Diabetes and help from partner

I do get what you're saying Sunflower
I hope the answers have helped.
I think it's extreme for folk to suggest leaving your partner. Empathy does not come naturally to some people.

nadateturbe

A good thread with much good advice and views, thank you Sunflower which has made me think more about what I eat, and how to encourage my husband to support me. I'm being more assertive and it's working. I too would never want to prevent my husband having treats, but I do worry sometimes that he is overdoing it.
Although I would expect some consideration and support, I also think that realistically, I have to learn to cope with others eating things I can't eat, as it would be impossible to avoid the situation.

Really glad this thread has helped you. This was only ever about ‘What would I say if my husband asked what he could do to help’, and how he repeatedly forgot. I can only repeat I have no problem with him, or anyone, eating anything at any time, in front of me or not. I resist temptation on a daily basis. This was only about what he could do to make things a little easier and was it reasonable to assume he’d do it.

A good thread with much good advice and views, thank you Sunflower which has made me think more about what I eat, and how to encourage my husband to support me. I'm being more assertive and it's working. I too would never want to prevent my husband having treats, but I do worry sometimes that he is overdoing it.
Although I would expect some consideration and support, I also think that realistically, I have to learn to cope with others eating things I can't eat, as it would be impossible to avoid the situation.

janipans

It's hard isn't it!
I have been trying to cut down on "naughty stuff" but we still buy crisps and chocolate and pork pies etc and very occasionally I will have a little treat.
Even if they were not in sight I would still know they were in the house and that if I wanted them I could eat them, so in the end, it's still down to me to be strong and not have them. When I manage this I feel very virtuous.
I tried not having them in the house at all, but then I just craved them because I knew I couldn't have them.
I think if you don't want your husband's stash "in your face", perhaps the easiest way is for you to take control and decide where they are stored.

I thought having them inside a carrier bag was the easiest way for him. Everything can be stored where it needs to be, I just wouldn’t have to keep seeing it. I can resist everything but temptation!

crazygranny

Why not buy a box and put it somewhere you rarely go - like the garage. Ask him to put treats in there. That way he wouldn't have to do any thinking - just treat it like another cupboard. If he doesn't put them there just root them out and put them there yourself. What does he have to complain about then?

Often these things are fridge or freezer items like Gü puddings or large lemon tarts that need freezing, but I like the idea in principal.

It's hard isn't it!
I have been trying to cut down on "naughty stuff" but we still buy crisps and chocolate and pork pies etc and very occasionally I will have a little treat.
Even if they were not in sight I would still know they were in the house and that if I wanted them I could eat them, so in the end, it's still down to me to be strong and not have them. When I manage this I feel very virtuous.
I tried not having them in the house at all, but then I just craved them because I knew I couldn't have them.
I think if you don't want your husband's stash "in your face", perhaps the easiest way is for you to take control and decide where they are stored.

Why not buy a box and put it somewhere you rarely go - like the garage. Ask him to put treats in there. That way he wouldn't have to do any thinking - just treat it like another cupboard. If he doesn't put them there just root them out and put them there yourself. What does he have to complain about then?

Sounds like he's acting selfishly to me and not supporting you properly, especially as it's medical condition. He also sounds a little greedy.

Welbeck....on the same lines.....l'd thrown his goodies out ....then him if he did it again ? ?

It wouldn’t bother me but I think he could be more sensitive to your feelings. If he carries on eating these things he could end up with diabetes himself! Diabetes can sometimes be reversed by eliminating sugars and carbohydrates. A low carb or Ketogenic way of eating can make a huge difference to many illnesses. Good luck.

Mil offers me a chocolate whilst saying, ‘I don’t suppose you’ll have one?’ Then proceeds to eat them with my husband when I decline.

the choc doesn;t fall far from the box.
maybe he would be better off living with his mum.
you would better off if he did.

I really appreciate everyone’s messages. So many different points of view. Really given me food for thought (no pun intended. ) Need to give some of the suggestions serious thought.

GinJeannie

I sympathise with all of your GN girls who have to maintain a different diet and the inconsiderate action of others! I have Coeliac disease so must avoid gluten, which makes for all kinds of difficulties, not made easy by people who say 'oh a little bit of ..... won't hurt you', or 'how long have you been on that diet?'. The last time my DH and I visited a previous neighbour and old friend who lives 2 hours away, she put out 3 biscuits on a plate for the 4 of us, and said to me 'shame you can't have anything'. I have not visited since, and don't intend to. These things change even the best of friendships and relationships.

Yes, I get that.
“You’ve got to have SOMETHING!”
“You need to treat yourself now and again.”
“You’re too strict.”
Well if your health depends on it, you are strict!!!

Mil offers me a chocolate whilst saying, ‘I don’t suppose you’ll have one?’ Then proceeds to eat them with my husband when I decline.

Applegran

I am sorry you are having to deal with this - and I guess it is likely to be about his feeling of control - or fear of 'giving you control over him'. Not uncommon - not very mature - a kind of unconscious game: "see if you can make me!" In my experience - and is this sexist? - a woman is far less likely to take this stand - and far more likely to say something like "Oh! I am glad you explained that to me. I will put my treats out of sight - if I forget, just remind me." But of course not all women would do that either - just maybe more likely to do it. Many relationships have a 'secret' struggle to establish a happy 'balance of power' - painful, and great if they get beyond it, to somewhere more trusting and mutual.

Agree. It is what I’d do in the reverse. I assumed most people would.

It's a passive aggressive thing. I had an acquaintance who was quite heavy. She went on a very successful diet, but her husband (who did most of the cooking) repeatedly sabotaged her by making fried foods with rich gravies. If your husband isn't mentally challenged then, at some level, he's doing it on purpose. We all have relatives who buy us gift cards for THEIR favorite restaurant. It's that type of thing. Try not doing his laundry for a week because you don't wear his clothes.

I'm type2 and my husband has Alzheimer's and will only eat a limited diet. This consists of cakes, bread chips etc. All the things I can't eat. He won't eat veg etc and only bananas. I shop and buy cakes etc for him and cook 2 different meals every day, I ate with him and my blood sugars rocketed, I have had to learn just to leave the cakes etc . I can't have them hidden as I have to sort all his food.

That is very insensitive of him. I’m T2D and OH bakes the most amazing bread, which of course I can’t have! But I’ve just kind of accepted that and I’m not going to stop him from baking. I’ve kind of psychologically switched off from the food I can’t have and have enjoyed exploring what I can have. I’m currently eating some chocolate for example - but I know this brand doesn’t increase my blood sugars. I’m wanting to make OH and DD a cheesecake next week, but I’ve also found a recipe for a low carb one and I’ll make both. Someone posted about a recipe with sweet potato, suggested because it doesn’t increase blood sugars - well it does in my case so I have to avoid them, and I really love them! Every T2D is different.

I’m not sure what to suggest wrt changing his behaviour, other than coming straight out and telling him. I have to do this to my OH as he’s a bit self-obsessed and needs things spelling out.

Is he trying to kill you of?

Throw his goodies in the bin if he leaves them insight that will teach him not to do it again. He should be taking your health seriously

If you're still struggling to come to terms with your VERY NECESSARY DIETARY REQUIREMENTS, then NO - you're NOT being unreasonable. Changing the whole way that you eat is extremely difficult as we get older.

I've been diagnosed as Coeliac (in 2017 at the age of 66) - so understand how hard you are finding it to stick to what you've always been able to freely consume.

Have you been able to share any literature on Diabetes with your partner? He needs to understand that you're going to need all the support that you can get, in order to keep your Diabetes 'on an even keel'.

Could you ask your Diabetes Dietician for some advice to pass on to him?

Good Luck with him

Mini2020

Very difficult! What about visiting family and friends (when we can) would you ask them not serve anything you couldn’t eat?

Definitely not!

He is very, very selfish. And cruel.

I would stop asking. He isn't listening and it is upsetting you. Just put them in bags yourself. It really does get easier the longer you watch your sugar intake.

Sunflower, the post it notes have been tried and failed, you have talked to him many times and that has failed. Now is the time for action. I would throw it out, go through the fridge or freezer or the shopping bag anything you can see that you have asked him not to buy and have it in sight, chuck it. You will find that actions in this case speak louder than words. It will probably cause a few arguments but I am sure you will not have to do it more than 2 or 3 times. Just say I asked you not to do it and told ou the consequence if you did. Give it a try you have only your health to gain.

I sympathise with all of your GN girls who have to maintain a different diet and the inconsiderate action of others! I have Coeliac disease so must avoid gluten, which makes for all kinds of difficulties, not made easy by people who say 'oh a little bit of ..... won't hurt you', or 'how long have you been on that diet?'. The last time my DH and I visited a previous neighbour and old friend who lives 2 hours away, she put out 3 biscuits on a plate for the 4 of us, and said to me 'shame you can't have anything'. I have not visited since, and don't intend to. These things change even the best of friendships and relationships.