AIBU to think this is Cyber Stalking?

I had a neighbour who used to watch everything I did. I tried to ignore it, but then decided that I would wave to them every time I went into the garden, or got in my car, etc. I THINK it stopped the ‘spying’ but I did wonder if I was still being watched, even though I couldn’t see them.

I think you should speak to the Police to ask their advice.

Amazon sells a very inexpensive 3 sided pop up gazebo, which you can easily move around the garden and completely block their view. As a word of warning, a friend of mine had a similar problem and decided to "Out" them by detailing their behaviour and names etc on Facebook. They reported her to the police and SHE was prosecuted for libel and now unfortunately has a criminal record. You have my total sympathy as I have problems with a neighbour too and have even caught him trying to look through my kitchen venetian blind with his face pressed to the outer glass of my window. I accidently on purpose emptied a mop bucket full of dirty water over him........

I would agree with the ‘smile and wave” advice only I’d make it really ostentatious. I’d wave my arms wildly and approach as close as possible, beckoning them to open the window. I’d then call out very loudly “do you need some help- I saw you were watching me, are you ok? Shall i come round?” If you did that every time I’m sure they’d soon stop. I spend hours in my garden and I’d find it very intrusive to be watched; the only being allowed to do that is my robin who greets me whenever I step outside and then follows me around ?

I'd wave at them

I've had two close friends, one of them a neighbour, who suffered like this and worse. It became clear that perpetrators had serious mental health issues and that nothing would change their behaviour. My neighbour has put up with it for deacades. My other friend had the opportunity to move away. Other than these two options I've no answers. I akways think that wherever you move to, you could run into the same sort of issues so think carefully before you move house of you like your present home.

I wouldn't do anything to acknowledge their existence.
How about a couple of garden umbrellas strategically placed so they cant see you.

Just wave whenever you think they’re looking. Most possibly they’re bored. A friendly wave would help you be in control and let them know yo see them.
As for LinkedIn, it’s there for folk to see.
Overall I’m thinking perhaps you need to just wave and if you don’t want folk to look at your profile just take it down.
Your neighbours seem lonely and forgive me but so do you.

I would wave every time you see them. If they are elder and been stuck in the house they may just be lonely. But if you wave every time you see them you have acknowledged that you know they are there and that you are not going to be annoyed with. Maybe they will speak to you eventually!! Good luck

I can appreciate that this is unpleasant for you but from your post it sounds like this has been happening for years and nothing has come from it so I would be inclined to ignore it. It doesn't sound like their intentions are malevolent, just odd.

LinkedIn is open for people to view but make sure any other profiles are locked down to friends only so that your privacy is intact. Maybe they are curious about you but are too shy/odd to ask more.

I don't know whether there are neighbours the other side of the odd ones but you might find that they are experiencing similar observation.

Not cyber stalking but very odd behaviour - if it were me I'd let them know that I know they are watching me - A big cheesy grin and wave at them both - you might find it stops! Good planting or a higher fence might also give you more privacy. Their lives must be very unpleasant if all they do is spy on others - don't let them affect your enjoyment of life!

It is a bit creepy. Keep a diary of every time this happens because if you do need to report them to the police they will want more evidence. It may be work asking at your local police station for advice , they could note your concerns on file incase anything further happens. It sounds a bit like they are just lonely nosy people . As mentioned already I would start to wave &!give a big happy smile in their direction every time you notice the curtains twitching . They may think you are unaware of their behaviour & a wave might make them think twice about doing it . The wife may not know the husband is upstairs doing the same but if you look up at the upstairs window & wave to him she will soon realise what he’s up to too

I think for your own sanity you have to try to get on with life and ignore the fact that they are watching you.
If you feel you need to do something I wouldn't wave or point binoculars at them in case they take offence. You could go into the garden with or without binoculars and look at something in the distance as if tehre is something interesting there. If you do this same thing every day for a couple of weeks you may find they also start looking where you are looking trying to see what they have missed.
Don't let it ruin your life though especially as they may have mental problems.

It might feel a bit creepy but not really stalking, just someone being nosy!
With LinkedIn profiles are suggested to you that have things in common to you (same as on suggested friends on FB) . No doubt your neighbour saw yours and couldn't resist having a look !
I feel a bit sorry for them , that they are obviously living their lives through others. If they don't go anywhere, they are bound to be watching others!
What you see as being nosy, they probably just think they are interested in what is happening around them!
Next time you see them looking, give them a wave and shout out "hello"then get on with what you are doing. If it is possible, you could put up some trellis and grow plants over it or have a pergola built so there will be at least part of your garden that you can feel is private - at least you have your own Neighbourhood Watch!

Looking at your Linkedin page on its own may seem normal, but coupled with the neighbours' other behaviour, it does seem a bit odd. As others have said, keep a log. Do they watch neighbours on the other side of them?

Monica’s advice is good...but not as a first response. Treat it as a ‘game’ to start with, and wave. If it doesn’t stop, or they’re simply not fazed by it, then get more serious. I think they’re just bored. I’d be inclined not to show it worries you to start with, as this may be their objective, and trying to report them or whatever, may be harder than you think. You’d need to keep logs, and get evidence etc. Do let us know how it pans out.

They are obviously very bored and isolated with few friends by the sound of things. I would be feeling sorry for them more than anything else.

Is it just you that they watch or do they watch anyone else? This couple sound as though they have slight mental problems, very insular and withdrawn, and covid isolation will have made it worse. I would be inclined to wave every time you see them watching so they know you know you are being observed, and also keep a log of the number of times. If other neighbours are being watched as well it might defuse your anxiety, because I don't think it is an offence to stare at someone from your window, creepy though it is.

We once had some weird neighbors, I never ever saw the wife, but the husband would be up at the crack of dawn, making his garden perfect, and then scuttle back inside if he saw anyone.
In two years we never spoke a word, then on the morning we were leaving, he came out, shook my husband’s hand, and said he hoped we’d keep in touch!
Very strange.

MOnica’s advice is good.
I wouldn’t be waving or using binocs, that doesn’t reflect how uneasy you feel. This isn’t a game. I’d keep a diary but avoid them, including looking back at them. It’s intimidation IMO and yes weird

"smile and wave" has been a technique we have used when needed to front out something not nice, as well.

So sorry about your stalky neighbours. They don't sound happy! I mean, if their lives were so great they would not need to watch other people's. They also might be paranoid? One might want to be friendly and the other might be controlling them? I'd avoid them both and make things as private as possible. In the past I've done the "smile and wave" thing, but its success probably depends on what's causing the behaviour and it might be best to completely ignore.

In answer to your question, seastar, no, it’s not cyber stalking. LinkedIn profiles are online to be looked at, so you can’t blame anyone for doing just that. The other behaviour is distinctly odd, and must make you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps your neighbours just lead very boring lives, but it’s unfortunate that you seem to be their only hobby.

Oh yes definitely wave back if you see them watching you!
Some people just don't have enough to occupy their own lives and take a disproportionate interest in other people's.

Our busybody neighbour has, over the years, written to the council with various complaints about all of us at our end of the cul-de-sac.
Even his wife says, "Oh god he's off again" ?
When I was made aware (by another neighbour) that I was the subject of his latest grievance, I decided to treat him as my "new best friend" and smile and wave at him every time I drove past.
His face was a picture ?

Like Callistermom I d wave at them if they carry on they will be pretty thick skinned if they carried on
perhaps they could just be bored and curious perhaps they are lonely Perhaps they are very introverted she gave you a hug when your husband died so she has a heart and as it’s both of them looking it’s not like it’s the man being sneaky and watching you behind his wife’s back
The LinkedIn thing is perfectly normal I ve looked up people using that surely that’s what it’s for

I would take a pair of binoculars in the garden when you know they are watching. Make it look as if you are bird watching but then point the binoculars straight at them. If there is an ounce of sense in them they might realise how hideous they are. I am sorry you are going through this we had a very difficult time with neighbours in the past. If you try this tactic and it fails seek advice from a solicitor. Keep in touch by letting us grans know how you get on.?

LinkedIn is there to be looked at - I've been invited to join but there hardly seems a point now as I'm retired.

However, watching neighbours from behind curtains is very creepy and odd and will make you feel uncomfortable.

You could try waving at them; they could react by waving back or by retreating as they know you've seen them staring.