AIBU - Friend borrowing car

Actually insurance is definitely central to the issue. Even if her insurance covers her, it will be for 3rd party only cover. I would insist she takes out day cover for the car which would give comprehensive cover. The cost of around £30 or£40 a time will soon put her off. I would never allow someone to drive a car of mine on third party only cover. Failing that, SORN the car.

I think you will box yourself into a corner if you raise the insurance issue with her. You are stumped if she replies that she is covered for any car.
Just tell her straight that you want to discuss an awkward situation - you and husband thought she was borrowing the car initially as a one off but it has become more than that. You didn't mind the once but you don't want to do it again.

Nothing terrible is going to happen if you tell her this. It's not usual for families with one car to scrounge friends' cars. She needs to sort the problem out with her husband. He's ok, isn't he? He has their car when he needs it. So of course, he thinks they can manage with one. It's their problem, not yours.

I honestly think she’s taking you for mugs, the husband has said he won’t be getting another car, he doesn’t need to really, as yours is available every time she asks, I would have allowed it a couple of times but no more, I think she’s being more than cheeky, since it’s being going on for a couple of months, I think this will carry on, nothing has made her think that she shouldn’t be taking advantage, she expects it, it did make me smile when few posters said sell the car then she can’t borrow it, bit drastic isn’t it! Tell her No !

Elegran@14:58 This advice is
spot on. Tell the truth you cant go wrong and it's not confrontational. Then let it go

She did buy me some supermarket flowers the other day and has offered put put some petrol in it once.

once?!
She should be adding some every time she drives!

You’re skating on thin ice here Pink, if she has an accident, she gets fined for driving uninsured, you also get fined for allowing it.
Sell the car, however nice you are it’s a big risk.

TBH I’m not sure why you have this car. Do you drive Pink Cosoms or does your husband just want it as a ‘spare’ car?

If your neighbour knows that you don’t need the car then I can see why she thinks she can get away with this CFery. I agree with FarNorth, it’s up to your husband.

She did buy me some supermarket flowers the other day and has offered to put some petrol in it once.

Forget all the devious excuses and stop giving a toss about this car.
Tell your husband it's his responsibility whether she uses it or not and his responsibility to make sure there's suitable insurance in place.

1 Who is the registered keeper of the car?
2 In whose name is it insured?
3 If insured is it comprehensive or third party, fire and theft?
4 If insured, who is insured to drive it?
5 As you have said that there's an intermittent fault, it's worth
asking if there is a valid MoT certificate.

You don't need to be that devious. Say to her honestly and clearly that you hadn't realised it, but she wouldn't be insured to drive the car, and you don't want to pay to add her as named driver, so you are sorry, but you can't keep on letting her borrow it, as it is too risky.

Could you speak to her (before she sees your husband) to tell her person C has asked to use the car? As usual, you and your DH are very happy to help... but you’re not quite sure exactly when person C will arrive for it...could be any time...(but when she wants it - such a coincidence!)
If she later questions you, tell her person C arrived and returned the car while she was out. The penny should drop. If it doesn’t keep going.
You’ll continue to look generous; it won’t be as easy for her when there’s an obstacle; she'll have to find an alternative; you won’t have to openly refuse her.

I think you need to discuss this first with your husband.

If he can't bring himself to say no to this neighbour, he needs to refer her to you.

Your answer, is "sorry, I need the car myself" whether you do or not.

You could also ask her to pay for the petrol she uses and contribute towards servicing etc. if in effect you are now sharing the car.

And do check with your insurance company whether they cover any accidents that occur while she is driving.

ElaineI

I am horrified that you don't know if she is insured. Never mind bumps, if she injured or worse killed someone it would be down to you.
Personally I think you are mad to allow this to happen especially without checking that she has a license and insurance.
AS Oopsadaisy says there are 3 pages here suggesting you put a stop to it so if you are for real just do it!!

I am for real. I am just a very non-confrontational person and find it hard to say no, especially as she is a friend.

I am going to discuss it with my husband later, especially the insurance issue.

To be honest, I thought if you were insured to drive your own car it meant you could drive any car. Shows how much I know !!

I am horrified that you don't know if she is insured. Never mind bumps, if she injured or worse killed someone it would be down to you.
Personally I think you are mad to allow this to happen especially without checking that she has a license and insurance.
AS Oopsadaisy says there are 3 pages here suggesting you put a stop to it so if you are for real just do it!!

pinkcosmos 3 pages of Gransnetters telling you what to do ( in answer to your question in your OP)

And yet you are still making excuses, if she is uninsured and has a bump let’s hope your ‘friendship’ will be worth the fines and points on the license of whoever actually owns the car, because it won’t be her!

Or get the car insured for her and put up with it for the sake of the ‘friendship’.

I wouldn’t dream of asking a neighbour if I could borrow their car and I would not lend my car to any of my neighbours no matter how nice they were. My insurance stipulates there’s two drivers listed and no other drivers are permitted to drive the car unless I add more drivers at a further cost to me. I would check your insurance policy and tell your neighbour that she isn't a listed driver and therefore, if she had an accident your insurance would not pay out. What would happen if your car was damaged whilst your neighbour was driving it? Please tell her that she cannot borrow your car. It’s not a thing you lend to anyone other than your close family and only then, if you’ve added the extra driver to your insurance policy.

Kali2

You need to find out about the insurance. And then, just say as she is not insured (assuming she isn't - having cover for a 3rd party is very expensive) - just say it is not safe and illegal.

Your husband is perhaps the main problem here.

Yes, my husband is the main problem. He is very friendly with the husband.

He also likes to be the good guy and Mr Generous, so if I object it makes me look like the bad guy.

I often feel like he doesn't consider my feeling when he makes decisions without mentioning it to me first - but that's another post!!

wildswan16

Well, we've all told you what we think. You need to make up your own mind.

If you want to keep the car change the insurance to one named driver only, and use that as a reason for her not having it.

Good idea, changing it to one named driver. My husband does drive it occasionally.

You need to find out about the insurance. And then, just say as she is not insured (assuming she isn't - having cover for a 3rd party is very expensive) - just say it is not safe and illegal.

Your husband is perhaps the main problem here.

lemsip

bit late for this I know but you should have said sorry No, it's my son's car.
What an absolute cheek of the neighbour to ask in the first place.

I wish I had said it was my son's car right at the beginning. I wouldn't be in this position now

Well, we've all told you what we think. You need to make up your own mind.

If you want to keep the car change the insurance to one named driver only, and use that as a reason for her not having it.

Mumsnet have a name for people like her. She is a CF and seriously taking advantage of you.
Is she on the insurance to drive it, if not and a accident happens you could be in alot of trouble.
Please say no to her now, or ask her to buy the car. If she is aggrieved you have said no, she is no friend.

geekesse

*PinkCosmos*, you said she always asks your husband, and he ‘never says no’. I think you probably need to have a serious discussion with him about all this, so that he says no to her. Tell him it’s upsetting you and causing you resentment. Ask him why he is willing to upset you to accommodate a scrounging neighbour. And suggest to him all the good advice from posters here. Good luck!

I am getting resentful about it and maybe over reacting. I am not a mean person and have often been taken for a mug by more forceful people.

My husband likes being the good guy, which makes me look like the bad guy if I abject to stuff.

I doubt this would be happening if it was the other way around

If she isn't insured, what will happen if she has an accident? Isn't it illegal to drive a car without insurance?

You are definitely not being unreasonable. She is taking advantage of you.